There's No Place Like Home

Ranting

2011-07-10T00:17:00.003+08:00

They say, whoever "they" are, that we turn a year wiser with every year we age. Well, to be honest, I could really use with the getting wiser without the aging part.

You see, with age, people changed. Not for the better, but for the worse. Your health fails, your memory goes, your looks are gone... If you ask me, it's a whole lot to be sacrificing for an annual gain in wisdom.

I really get those who wanted to celebrate this "happy" occassion with me, but to me, happiness never last. My self-thought best relationship turned out to be built on a bunch of lies and ended up in betrayal, my self-thought best job cost me the relationship between me and my mom, my self-preceived best life needs me to put up a front and smile at the people around me so that I won't have them worried about my condition... Happiness, it comes with a price. There are no free lunches in the world.

If I can do anything to see the people around me happy, I'd do it. I really need to see them happy, to remind myself that I could still do some good in this world, that there is still a meaning to my existence.

In less than 24 hours, I'd be turning another year "wiser". For someone with a huge case of Peter-Pan Complex, this is a HUGE thing. I used to enjoy keeping to myself on my birthdays, buying a small piece of cake for myself the day before, locking myself in my room, light a candle, sing myself a birthday song, make a wish... Ok, fine. I admit it. It was pathetic and I certainly wasn't enjoying any bit of it. I really detest the sense of getting older. Aging really is my biggest enemy. But there is no way of stopping it now, is there?

Tensed

2011-07-08T10:28:00.001+08:00

You can literally feel the tension in the air. The whole rakyat is tensed. Not by the rally, but by the way we are treated. To be honest, I really don't see how having roadblocks everywhere will be "the public interest". Did they even ask "the public" whether we wanted roadblocks before deciding on our behalf?

On the bus to work, we saw a roadblock on the opposite side of the road, where all the cars are at a standstill. Sitting very close to the driver seat, I can hear the driver telling the conductor that today is going to be a long day, "I wonder how long we are going to be stuck in that block on our way back."

I wanted to stress, that these blocks ARE NOT the "public interest"! When are they ever going to learn? The bus drivers wanted to have a smooth journey, the passengers wanted to get to their destination on time; they don't want to get stuck in a road block. And I for sure don't want to be stuck in a roadblock on my way home later as well!

Sigh... Why is something that is already greenlit by the Agung still causing so much stir? Shouldn't the blocks and tension be gone, now that the biggest man in charge has already spoken? I'm confused.

~ a concerned and tensed citizen © 20110708 ~

Celebrity Fitness Scam

2011-03-09T22:14:00.002+08:00

We were told by a self-proclaimed person in charge at Celebrity Fitness 1Utama that we can "make all the fuss (we) want" about this matter. Since we have nothing to lose, here we are making a "fuss".

To mark our year with a positive start, three friends and I decided to join a gym. In mid-January we went to Celebrity Fitness to enquire on how to join and become a member. Now one would think that they will have their prices clearly stated in black and white, but no. They have nothing of the sort and we ended up having to negotiate for hours on the amount to pay for their monthly membership fee, with their sales representative – Maggie.

When we were about to sign the contract of agreement, we noticed a clause on the contract saying that "Celebrity Fitness has the right to increase the membership fees without prior notice". At that point, we decided not to sign and asked Maggie about the clause, which all of us clearly disagree with. She verbally promised us that there will be NO increase of membership fees, and even mentioned that even if the fee does increase, it will not affect any new member signing up this year. To further convince us on how sure she is on this matter, she told us that since she works in the gym, we could always go to her should any matter arise, and she would help us solve it,.

That was a month and a half ago.

Yesterday, when my friend and I went to the gym, I wanted to pay my gym membership fees for March. I was told by the girl working at the payment counter that my membership fees had been increased! Needless to say, my friend and I were puzzled. Immediately we requested to speak to Maggie.

When we asked her about the price increase, she said it was because of the increase of government tax. As much as we would like to believe her, the ruling to increase the government tax had already been implemented and started on January BEFORE all of us signed up. Yet, she did promise us that there will be no increase of membership fees. Moreover, the increase of government tax is just 1% but we were asked to pay 4%-5% extra monthly, of what our current monthly gym membership is right now.

After a slight negotiation with Maggie, I asked to speak to the branch manager or a person in charge of the branch. However, she told us that she is the biggest of ranks in that branch, and impolitely told us that we will have to "go to Jakarta because there are no managers or the likes in Malaysia."

When we question her about what that we can do, she told us bluntly that we can make all the fuss we want, but we will still have to pay the amount they are asking for, and started a lengthy speech saying that ALL fitness centers in Malaysia are increasing their membership fees. However, when I asked a colleague of mine who is a member of another gym center earlier this morning, she told me that she hasn’t heard of such a thing from her gym center.

We also questioned Maggie how many times they can/will increase the price in a year; she kept quiet. When we told her that we wanted to cancel our membership, we were told that we will have to pay a penalty of RM400 if we wanted to do so. She also reminded us that the contract we signed clearly states that they are allowed to increase our membership fees without prior notice; contradicting to what she promised us verbally when we refused to sign up for the package a month ago.

I wonder how many other unknowing consumers have they tricked into signing up using this tactic, and how many have kept quiet and just pay whatever the fitness center is asking them to pay from time to time. I know verbal contract is a valid contract. But right now, she is in-a-way backing away from her words and forcing us to pay the amount, which might increase again in the not-too-distant-future!

Since we were so nicely asked by their self-proclaimed person in charge to make all the fuss we want, we hope that this message will manage to reach everyone out there and be aware that Celebrity Fitness is scamming people in such a way to join their gym and ‘extorting’ money out from its members. The price increase of a few ringgit is not the main issue here, but the way they are doing business is.

If the "real" person in charge is reading this, we really do hope to hear from you: On why the sudden increase of price; on your staff who gave us empty promises and scammed us into signing up; and how you can compensate us.

On the other hand, if there’s anyone out there who knows what we can do about this, and how can we go about doing it, please do advise.

~ Originally posted on Facebook ~

1.1.11

2011-01-01T04:44:00.016+08:00

While the rest of the world is stuck in a traffic jam/making their way back from the New Year countdown, here I am in front of my desktop, looking back on the year that just ended.

2010 has been a roller coaster ride for me: Things were rough at work, my grandmother passed away, had a huge fight with an asshole housemate of mine, my laptop died, Mom's bag was snatched... But of course, there were also a few good things that came in between such as my other housemate and I managed to get rid of that asshole housemate of ours, my brother got engage in Macau, my godbrother's wife got pregnant (the baby is due April, yay!), I managed to organize a couple of gatherings for the gay forum I'm active in (which most of them turned out to be pretty successful), my brother bought a house, my cousin brother got married... things seem to be picking up.

And since it's the New Year, it would be wrong not to make another one of those New Year Resolution thingy... which I seldom manage to achieve. >.<

Well, c'mon I'm sure it happens to everyone... right? ~diffident~ >.<

Actually, the question to ask would be: Does anybody out there still do New Year Resolution?

Anyways, here's mine. Let's see how many I can get done by the end of 2011:

01. Family
After the passing of my grandmother in June, I told myself that I need to spend more time with my family, and I'm gonna stick to that promise and at the same time control my temper, since I constantly/easily get into arguments with my Dad. Also, since my brother has now settled down in Macau, I think I should plan a trip there with my parents to visit him and my sister-in-law.

02. Social
After joining an online forum for gay Chinese two years ago, I've been actively organizing/co-organizing gatherings, with an aim to encourage gay teens to come out and meet more friends instead of staying at home and stare at their computer screens. That has been going pretty well so far, and I think I will keep it going in 2011 as well.

03. Health
I’ve been constantly sick last year. It seems that with age, comes sickness. In fact, I caught a bug so bad last November, that I not only missed the World AIDS Day Carnival, which I religiously go to every year, I also missed the chance of meeting up with an online friend who came all the way from France. (I'm so sorry, Mark.) So I think it's time I take better care of myself. Maybe I should join a gym and I can stop worrying about that belly of mine that comes and goes at the same time? And while I'm at it, maybe it's also time for me to get a proper insurance with a proper health card, just in case... ~touch wood~

04. Personal
This is the one I needed a lot of work with! I need to cut down my spending, save more money, learn something new (I'm thinking Rubik's cube since it'll help in making my brain tick), curse less, cut down on the bitching, travel (I already have two overseas trips planned out so far – Phuket in February & Taiwan in October), and last but not least I really should come back to the wonderful world of blogging and bore you readers out there at least once a month. =þ

05. Environment
Since I'm Cina, plastic bags play a very important part in my life! Tapao = plastic bag. Grocery shopping = plastic bag. Trash = plastic bag. I think it's time I cut down on the usage of plastic bags and start bringing my own container whenever I tapao and bring along my own bag whenever I go grocery shopping. As for trash, well, I don't think the garbage men would want to get their hands dirty on scattered dumps, so let's not go there just yet.

Well, that's all I can think of for now. We'll see how all that turn out at the end of 2011.

Happy New Year everybody!

~ jessism © 01012011 ~

FuCk University Hospital!

2010-11-08T20:31:00.003+08:00

If I depend on University Hospital's Emergency Room for help, I WOULD'VE DIED TODAY!

I wasn't feeling well but I went to work anyway today. Right after lunch, I was having difficulty breathing and my colleagues rushed to the ER at 3pm, after the doctor at a nearby clinic referred me.

I was barely conscious, and my whole body was getting numb. The last thing I remembered was getting on my HR Manager's car. My friend who went with me, told me I was unconscious, and it freaked him out because he thought that I was dead! And but of course, I didn't die. I woke up 3 hours later to find that the doctor is still NOT READY to see me! Do I have to drop dead there and then and have maggots crawling all over me before I'm classified as a serious case?!

My HR told me that at the clinic, they we're told that I was hyperventilating and I needed medical attention, which was why I was referred to the Emergency Room with a written letter. I'm not sure what was written on that letter, the nurses at University Hospital just somehow concluded that I wouldn't die, and left us waiting for 3 hours!

After 3 hours of waiting, when it was finally my chance to see the doctor, I wasn't even asked of how I was feeling at the time and instead she asked me what sickness I had. Erm... I dunno, I was hyperventilating, my body was numb, nobody attended to me, I lost consciousness... And when I asked her about what could've triggered the that, she completely dodge my question and said: "I'm giving you some flu medicine." Dare i ask: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?! Did I waited 3 hours to have my question dodge?! Or is she not well-trained enough to give me an answer?!

And the best part is, when I asked her if I needed to be admitted for checking, she said: "You're free to go. If the symptoms persists come back again tomorrow." AND DO WHAT?! WAIT FOR ANOTHER 3 HOURS?! WTF!!!

When my HR Manager discovered that she didn't give me an MC, he asked me to get an MC from her to rest for a couple of days before going back to work. The response I got from her was: "It's ok, you can go back to work tomorrow." AND WHAT? GET ANOTHER ATTACK HALF WAY THROUGH WORK?! NOT KNOWING WHAT IS THE CAUSE AND GO THROUGH ALL THIS AGAIN?! IS THIS HOW PATIENTS ARE NORMALLY TREATED IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM? To be fair to her, she did wrote an MC for me for TODAY. Which was pointless cause my HR wanted to be off work TOMORROW! NOT TODAY!!! hEllO~!

And guess what? Researching online, I found that I'm not the only person who was getting this shitass treatment! Read what the other blogger has to say about it >>Here<<

- a sick and pissed patient © 08112010 -

Choices

2010-10-14T16:07:00.001+08:00

I see dead people.

I know that sounds cliché, but ever since I was a kid, I see them. they've became a part of my life and I'm used to having them around: the white lady in my house who came to me whenever I was sick as a kid, the old lady at the side of the road, the dark shadows over a certain hill-top apartment, my dead grandparents, the list goes on.

To me, this is a "gift". Something that made me feels special. Different. I could do something that others couldn't. I could see things that others couldn't.

Recently, after my grandmother's passing, my uncle, who is doing religious practice, gave me an antique amulet, which is said to be taken from an ancient temple ruins in Thailand. He's been having it for decades, and now it's time to slowly pass things on to the few close nieces and nephews around him, before he leaves us for the temple. I was one of the few who received it.

The amulet, my uncle told me, is no ordinary amulet. People who know the value of it are willing to pay over thousands for it. Not only does it help in protection, it also wards off those spirits who are not supposed to linger after their time. (ie: the ones I keep seeing.) Which would also mean, take my "gift" away.

My uncle told me that I'm not suppoesd to see them, as they are not meant to be seen and interact with the living, and I must learn to let go. But how could I? After seeing them for decades, they've became a part of my life. As much as I fear some of them, it really helps to know where they are so i can safely avoid running into them. Without the "gift", what am I to do? Does it really help to not see them? To not know anything about them? I'm confused.

When I was a kid, I'd like to think that the seeing was like a "talent". Even today, i still feel that way. But how does one throw his/her talent away? Should I really give it up?

Yes, I have taken the amulet.

Yes, it does shield those who are not meant to be seen away.

But is this the way things are supposed to be? Is life really going to be better without knowing of their existence?

I stopped wearing the amulet months ago, and I now hang it in my room. I can't really let them go. And I really think that the world is big enough for all of us to live in peace. Why must I choose a side? Sigh…

~ jessism © 14102010 ~

8 Simple Steps On How to Get Your Passport Done In KL On A Weekend

2010-08-22T12:28:00.013+08:00

On Friday evening, my friend Dinosaur asked if I could accompany him to get his first-time passport application done on Saturday morning, as he does not know the way to the immigration office in Damansara.

Although I've heard of rumors that one would have to queue up very early in the wee morning to get his/her passport done --and I love my sleep but...-- being the curious George that I am, I said yes.

On Saturday morning, Dinosaur came over to my place and pick me up at 7am. "Not very early as the rumors put it. Yay!", I thought.

But when we got there, Holy shitz! The queue was so long, we had to start way at the back. To make things worse, while we were half way through the queue, there was announcement that said, "Numbers for today is already finished. Please come again tomorrow."

The first thing that crossed my mind was all the one-, two-, three-, four-, five-, and six-letter words I can think of in various languages!

So Dinosaur and I concluded that we must get there earlier the next day...

Early this morning, when my alarm rang at 5am, the only thing I wanted to do is smash my clock into smithereens. A part of me wanted to continue sleeping, but my curiosity got the best of me. Sheepishly, I dragged myself out of my cosy bed and started to get ready.

Dinosaur reached my place at 6am sharp, and off we went.

When we got there, this was what we saw:

For fuck's sake, it's a Sunday! Sundays are meant for all everyone in the world, me included, to sleep in late and not wake up until the sun is about to set! Why the fuck are all these people here?! >.<

An hour later...

After we got into the building, I asked one of the guards how many numbers were given out per day, and I was told that they only release "200 on weekends"! Thank goodness we got there early!

Welll, to cut the grandmother story short: We made it this time, and Dinosaur got his passport, while and I got my experience of...

8 Simple Steps...
On How to Get Your Passport Done
In KL On A Weekend

Step 1:
Wake up and try to reach there BEFORE 6am. Anything later than 7am, you'll have to start counting the number of person standing in line. If you're Person #201, you can still take the risk of hoping that someone will give up half way. But you're Person #202 and onwards, I would seriously suggest you go home and get back to your date with the Sandman. If you're within the 200 people in the waiting list, congratu-fucking-lations! Because now, you get to proceed to Step #2, which is to...

Step 2:
Join the fucking long queue and wait for the place to open at 8am.

Step 3:
When the doors open at 7.45am, follow the queue to go upstairs into the Immigration Office to queue for another 15 minutes before the counter opens.

Step 4:
Get your number once the counter opens and wait for your turn. This wait till take about half hour to 2 hours to get your turn to be attended, depending on the queue number you get.

Step 5:
After submitting your forms and relevant documents to the immigration officer, you have to wait for another 15mins to half an hour before being able to pay for your application.

Step 6:
After paying the-relevant-amount-of-money-needed-to-get-your-passport-done/renewed to the cashier, go walk and roam around for an hour or so while they prepare your passport. There is a McDonald's near by, so my suggestion would be to bring a laptop and go sit there, while you try to kill that hour.

Step 7:
Go back to the collection counter and wait some more before they call your number.

Step 8:
Once they call your number, go collect your passport, and sign on it. Now you're ready to go out and terrorize the world!

Total time spent today: 5 and half hours. (6am - 11.30am)

- jessim © 22082010 -

Discrimination

2010-05-13T15:29:00.013+08:00

If you live outside Malaysia, or if you don't buy the useless compilation of political crap we call "newspaper" here in Malaysia, you would know that recently, making headlines in world is NOT about how the local police tries to put the blame of their fault on a boy they shot dead, or the laughable sodomy accusation of a respectable political figure...Here are some noteworthy "news":

23 Apr 2010:
In UK, two teenage girls and a teenage boy brutally assaulted and killed a 62-year-old gay man. Ruby Thomas (left) and Rachel Burke (right), both 18, stamped on Ian Baynham’s chest and kicked him in the head after their friend Joel Alexander, 19, had punched him to the ground, knocking him unconscious. As Mr Baynham lay bleeding the teenagers continued to assault him, it was said to have cause him to suffer a fit from brain damage after his skull had been fractured. (Read More...)

Too far from home? Maybe we should move things back to Asia...

05 May 2010:
After being asked to leave by several popular nightspots at the entertainment district along Singapore River due to an unwritten "no transgender" policy, and being discriminated at work places, a group of transgender women in Singapore launched the Sisters in Solidarity campaign to create awareness and end discrimination against transgender women. The group will be launching its own social enterprise soon, where supportive employers are able view a listing of professional services offered by transgender women, such as make-up, pole-dancing performances and many more, and engage their services or even recruit transgender women who may otherwise find it difficult to find employment by virtue of their gender identity. (Read More...)

While the transgender community in Singapore is trying to make a difference for those who are different, a so-called a religious group of "peaceful" religion stormed a human rights workshop in Indonesia.

01 May 2010:
Dozens of members of the Islam Defenders Front (FPI) stormed a human rights training program intended for transgender individuals at a hotel in Depok, West Java on April 30. The training, which was meant to empower the transgender individuals, had an opposite effect when the three-day program was interrupted by dozens of FPI activists who forced their way into the room past several police officers, banging on the door, repeatedly shouting the name of God, as well as destroying some of the hotel’s property. The extremists were also reportedly assaulted one participant from the Indonesian Legal Aid Foundation who was due to speak at the event. Despite the FPI's long and mostly unpunished criminal record of often violent raids, police seem reluctant to pursue the case further, with no arrests made to date. (Read More...)

Oh wait, there's more...

March 2010:
A 38-year-old Hindu-Malay transgender woman was granted refugee status in Australia, after being apprehended by the Australian authorities, for overstaying her travel visa and working illegally as a fruit-picker. The post-operative transgender, a Malaysian, told tribunal member Rosa Gagliardi when her case was heard in February, that "in Malaysia, I do not count as a person." Her statement managed to convince Gagliardi and she was granted a refugee status.

Lawyer Simran Gill was quoted saying that it was alarming that a Malaysian citizen had won refugee status, "For a Malaysian citizen to be granted refugee status implies that the international community perceives Malaysia's human rights violations to be as gross as countries such as Myanmar and Afghanistan." Between 1994 and 2008, only 12 transsexuals were given asylum in Britain, Australia, New Zealand and Canada. (Read More...)

While an Australian judge made the right decision, a judge in China enraged Netizens on Monday:

11 May 2010:
What happens when "Happy Boy" contestant wants to be a girl? When a 19-year-old boy, Liu-Zhu went to audition at a China's talent show crossdressed, he was stopped by one of the judges before he could even sing a single note. The female judge, Annie Rose, first commented on Liu-Zhu's hair, asking if they were real and even asked to see his ID to prove his identity. When the other two judges said that it wasn't necessary and to let the producers check the eligibility of Liu-Zhu's entry, Annie Rose stopped Liu-Zhu again the minute he started singing. Saying that she would want someone to examine his privates to proof that he is in fact not a she! Liu-Zhu was calm and polite throughout the whole humiliation process, while the other two judges kept their professionalism and tried to persuade Annie Rose to focus on Liu-Zhu's singing.

When Liu-Zhu was finally given a chance to sing, instead of commenting on Liu-Zhu's performance, Annie Rose instead asked for the name of the school Liu-Zhu studies in and which class he is currently in, urging "Netizens to go and psychically check" and verify Liu-Zhu's gender! When interviewed backstage on why he didn't try to be more masculine for the audition, Liu-Zhu said that, "it's more natural this way. If I dress like a boy on purpose just for this contest, it wouldn't be the real me."

A standing ovation for Liu-Zhu for being brave enough to stand up and be proud of who he is on screen, and keeping calm while Annie Rose tries to throw him off! *Applause!*

* * * * * * * * * *

Now take a moment, just a short moment to think about this: What happens if the victim of those incidents is someone you know? A relative of yours? Or even your family member? How would you feel if you get thrown out of a club or get fired from a job just because of the way you are?

In conjunction with the International Day Against Homophobia (IDAHO), I would like to urge everyone out there to think before you act. No one likes to be discriminated and ill-treated. Despite our skin color, eye color, religious believe, or sexual preference, we are all the same. To steal a quote from Shakespeare, "There is nothing either good or bad, thinking makes it so."

Singing

2010-03-10T11:23:00.000+08:00

Yes, I know I'm no Jaclyn Victor or Chris Daughtry, but I love to sing. In fact, on average, I would go karaoke at least twice a month.

Other than being in a karaoke room (or my room), the times I would break into songs would either be: when I'm driving, in a car with close friends or family, out with close friends or family, out with Amy or Ash (havin't done this one for ages), or when I'm at home doing singalong to any show tunes that was playing on my laptop .

Today when I came in for work, my colleague told me that a certain someone in our department, complained to HR that she was having a headache because I was singing in the office while I was working. = =

After I went home yesterday, HR asked ABC who sits in front of me if she heard me in my "karaoke mode". And ABC told HR that she didn't even hear a thing. Now how can someone who sits in front of me not hear a single note, while someone who sits at an opposite island can get headache from my "singing"!!!

Not that it's any of her business that I was singing, but the fact was, I didn't even sang a bar! And even if I did, why the fuck didn't she message me directly through messenger and tell me politely to shut-the-fuck-up?! And went to complain to HR?!

It really pisses me off when people go behind my back and said shit like that. If you have a problem, you take it out with me, bitch!!! And by the way, if I could sing, I wouldn't be sitting here singing to you in this stupid office! I would've become a singer and earn millions! Delusional bitch!

- jessispissed © 10032010 -

Krabi Adventure: Day 2

2010-02-09T15:01:00.003+08:00

Isaac always tells me that I speak with a weird American-Britsh accent, which I disagree with.

I woke up at 7am (GMT+7hours) to get ready for the local tour I booked the day before. Nervous as hell, as this will be the first time I'm going on a local tour booking with a bunch of strangers that are prolly going in pairs.

Trip of the day: Jungle trekking
Guide Name: Gan --- good spoken English, good understanding of complicated questions asked by our group of 14, bad and lame jokes.
Group Members: 2 from French, 2 from England, 1 Canadian, a Russian family of 4 (Mom, Dad, Son & Daughter), 4 others which I forgot where they're from, and me.
Destination: Hot spring waterfall, Emerald Pool, Blue Pool, Tiger Cave Temple

When we were told that our trip to the hot spring waterfall will take approximately 50 minutes to reach, I, of course, doze off. If there were any additional lame jokes being told along the way, I'm glad I missed it.

Don't get me wrong. Gan is an extremely nice girl, which makes it even harder for us to tell her straight to her face her jokes sucks, and we're all forced to fake a laugh with her. It's just plain sad.

* * * * * * * * * *

Destination 1: Hot Spring Waterfall
We're told by Gan that the water atop of the hills is close to boiling point that you can boil an egg in it, but since it's a 2km hike uphill through the jungle and we cannot bathe in it (unless we wanted to cook ourselves), we'll be heading straight to the waterfall, which water is about 30°C - 40°C.

As we went headed to the waterfall, I can feel steam radiating from the water in the stream, which makes me even more curious about how hot can the water on top of the hills be. My mind kept drifting there. I really wanted to go on top of the hills badly to throw an egg in there and test if Gan's theory of boiling an egg is true. Well, that, and also partly because I was hungry.

When we reach the so said "waterfall" it turns out to be a very small slope, where the which water falls from the hill created a couple of natural 'tub' where people can actually lie in it and enjoy a therapeutic dip. While the rest who immediately stripped off and jumped into the hot spring to take their dip, I told Gan that I wanted to follow the jungle trek further down to where the water flow ends.

When I reached the end of the trek, I came to a huge river-like steam and I thought to myself: "I wonder what the water temperature is like here?" So out of curiosity I dip my right foot in...

A chill went straight up my spine! Holy fucking shit! The water is cold!! How can the water be so cold when water of a natural hot spring of 40°C flows into it 24 hours a day, non-stop!

When I got back to the meeting point, I asked Gan about it and was informed that apparently the water that flows there came from the Emerald Pool. As the water from the Emerald Pool is cold water, water from the hot spring gets nuetralized into nothingness. I have a feeling I wouldn't like the Emerald Pool so much.

* * * * * * * * * *

Destination 2: Emerald Pool + Blue Pool
Journey from the hot spring to the Emerald Pool takes about 15 minutes on the mini van. The pool is up another hill beside the one where the hot spring is situated. To get to the pool, Gan took us on an 800 meters hike down a ready-made pathway.

While on the path to the pool, Gan introduced me the Canadian who also happens to be travelling alone. Jud, 70 years old this year, sold his house November last year and has been travelling around Asia since. His last stop will be in Phenon Phen where will will fly back to Vancouver at the end of February, and is still not certain what will happen when he gets back, since he is now homeless. And for someone who's already 70 years old, he's got the best stamina of us all, we'll get to that later...

When we got to the Emerald Pool, I wasn't exactly amazed. It's just an almost-round pool with clear spring water in it, which flows down from the hills and happens to create a huge pool in the middle of the jungle. But according to Gan, the water in the pool contains minerals and water in the pool should not be drank. And a note of warning from her to all of us: It's slippery everywhere! Almost everyone jumped in the minute they heard mineral and good for the skin. While they are taking a dip, I told Gan I wanted to go see the Blue Pool which is another 500 meters hike into the jungle path uphill.

The hike was really no joke. Even with wooden planks laid out as a path to follow, it was a scary experience to hike up to the Blue Pool. If it weren't for two other guys and a girl whom I met during my hike up, I would've gave up and turn back. And I'm really glad I didn't turn back!

The pool, oh my fucking gawd, is really blue! I really don't get it! You can actually see that the water is clear blue in color! As the description of the pool is written in Thai and I don't understand Thai, I really have no idea what and why the pool is blue and a "NO SWIMMING" sign hangs in the vicinity. I just know that there were bubbles coming up from below. (Click to enlarge the picture below...you will see it...)

I really can't wait to head back to Gan and ask her what's with the Blue Pool that when I reached the vicinity of the Emerald Pool, me being me, I of course, slipped and fell and nipped myself on the elbow. >.<

According to Gan, what made the pool blue is because of the minerals contained in the water. However, no one is allowed to swim there because the bottom of the pool is actually quick sand! o.O

After spending about an hour at the Emerald pool, we had lunch a simple lunch at the restaurant just outside of the national park before making our way to the Tiger Cave Temple.

The minute we got on the mini van, Gan told us we need to conserve our energy and take a nap if we could because we would need all the strength we can muster for the Tiger Cave Temple visit. At first I didn't quite understand her, then after seeing the question marks floating above our head, she continues: "There are two ways to go about at the Tiger Cave. One is up the hill to the top of the mountains, where you will get a panoramic view of Krabi and see a giant Buddha statue above the hills, while the other way is a up a jungle path where you will see the original tiger cave, where the monks used to meditate and live and where their meeting place."

And just when I was about to ask, someone did it for me: "Can we go both ways?" The answer was, expectly, no. Gan explains, "If you choose the first way, which is to go up the hill, you will need to climb 1237 steps up. But if you choose to go the second way, you will only have to climb 250 steps." At that point, I thought to myself. We have Batu Caves in Malaysia, if I can do Batu Caves, I'm sure I can do Tiger Cave, right? So I slept for the next 50 minutes of the journey.

When we got there, I couldn't wait to clim up the steps and reach the top to see what there. Most of the women gave up the minute they reach there and decided to go for the 250 steps jungle hike, so me, the French couple, the Russian guy and his son, the British guy and Jud (the 70-year-old Canadian uncle) sets out on our journey up the steps.

* * * * * * * * * *

Destination 3: Tiger Cave Temple
Only one word came to mind when I reach steps #247...

..."FUCK!"

The steps first started out ok, then from steps, it became a steep ladder climb!

While I was on the verge of fainting and shortness of breath at Step #458, I lost sight of the the 70-year-old Canadian, who sprinted up the stairs as if they were steps from his house!

At Step #925, deep inside my heart, I was cursing whichever fucker who painted the numbers at the pole of every landing. If you don't know which flight you are on, at least you can look up and tell yourself you're about to reach, but when you keep seeing those numbers, your mind will keep counting and tell you how far you are from the top and how close you are from dying from an asthma attack.

The Russian kiddo bypasses me at Step #1105, and at that point, I couldn't care about how long it was going to take me to reach the top. I'm just gonna sit and rest for every 10 flights of steps I climb, and pray hard that I wouldn't faint and fall backwards down the flights I just climbed up from. Oh, did I forget to mention that landings don't count as a "step"? = =

...Finally!

I was the third to made it up to the top, then came the Britsh guy, who told me that we lost the Russian guy at about steps #600 or so, and the French couple are still making their way up the steps when he last saw them. After about 15 minutes or so, the couple made it and the four of us cheered for them for finally making it, before breaking to them the unfortunate news of us only having less than 20 minutes to get our arses back down before Gan and the rest of the team leaves us there. But we decided we couldn't care less anymore. We're up there and they're down there. There's nothing she can do, unless she can sprint up those steps in less than 15 minutes to haul our arses back down.

The kiddo started to make his way down while the rest of us, try to catch our breath (mostly me and the British guy), take pictures (mostly the French couple), and enjoy the view (only that 70-year-old uncle). The phrase "breath-taking view" will never be the same again for all of us after this trip.

* * * * * * * * * *

While making our way down from the mountain top, we had ourselves a little bonding time. The French couple told us they are newlyweds which are currently on their honeymoon. The wife also told us that the husband actually had a knee problem which the doctor advise him not stress his legs during the trip, and while we are on the way down, he was clearly limping because of the pain. The wife held him each steps of the way down, while the rest of us waited for them at every landing we came across.

The 70-year-old uncle told us that he lives in the mountain area of Canada which is why he is so accustomed to climbing up high steps. PLUS, he is also a part of a relay team in his city, where he would train himself for at least an hour a day to make a 250km lap with his team every week! Talk about staying in shape!

The British guy shared with us that he and his wife are in Krabi to get away from the cold weather in England, where when they left is covered with snow everywhere they go. And when they asked me where I'm from, everybody seemed to be in shocked. "You don't speak like a Malaysian." "I thought you're from Hong Kong!"

Isaac always tells me that I speak with a weird American-British accent, which I disagree with. My European colleague, Alessandra, once asked if I graduated overseas because of my accent. Well, at least we can now conclude that regardless of how my English sound like, it ain't Malaysian English. = =

Krabi Adventure: Day 1

2010-02-01T23:21:00.002+08:00

So, my day started with a fight with the girl at Air Asia's check-in counter...

All of us (me and the rest of the passengers, that is) were queuing up at the long check-in counter queue. After close to 20 minutes of queuing, when I was third in line, the girl told the two mat-salleh in front of me that the counter's closed. The two mat salleh, of course, made a fuss about how long they were waiting in line, how she should've stopped people from queuing if she wanted to close the counter and demand to be checked in.

The counter girl next to her, then asked her to close the queue, and divert the rest to another line, which is empty and just opened. The girl, got out from her counter, close the line with about 10 of us in it, and divert the rest to the new counter. So this meant that the 10 of us who are still in the queuing zone will be checked in, right? Wrong.

After she checked the two mat salleh in, when I got up to the counter, she tells me that the counter is closed. Why can the two in front of me check in and I can't?! Now I'm really pissed. I started screaming at her telling her that all of us who are still in the line have been queuing up for the past 20 minutes and if she can serve the two mat salleh, she can serve the rest of us before closing. At that point she got embarrassed, stood up and looked at the people she had in line and mumbled that she will finish the queue before she closes the counter.

Air Asia has been providing us with somewhat cheap tickets, this much I must agree, but they have got to improve on their customer service. It is not our fault that she didn't cut the queue earlier to avoid having to serve us when it's time for her break. I've taken Air Asia flights long enough to hear all sorts of rude comments from people behind the check in counters. Once the check in counter close half way through and told the rest of the people in queue that they can't check in anymore because the plane is about to take off, and gave them a lecture about how they should've came earlier when they complaint! Talk about bad customer service.

Just when I thought the bad is over. It ain't.

On the plane, a pair of mother daughter is seated next to me. The mother, glared at the air stewardess angrily when she kindly asks if she could use the table in front of her to do the emergency exit demonstration. The stewardess looked confused for about two seconds before turning to the person on the other side of the aisle to ask for permission instead. To prove that she doesn't has any civic conscious, she then took the air sick paper bag out from the front pocket of her seat and her daughter's, and passes it to her daughter so that her daughter can doodle over it. When her daughter of done doodling on the paper bags and ran out of space, the daughter started to bug her for more paper. To my horror, she actually told her daughter to look in to the front pocket of my seat to see if there's any, without asking for my permission! Thank goodness the paper bag was nicely tugged away behind the emergency exit card and her daughter couldn't see it, or else I would have to force myself to throw up my breakfast to teach them a lesson.

To make things worse, this spoiled daughter of hers started whining again half way through the flight and she gave the daughter her story book to read. This brat, proceed to ask the mother to read out loud, which she didn't even think twice and did it. I normally wouldn't mind and find it cute, but this girl is big enough to know how to read, and s obviously spoilt rotten by this mother of hers. The mother and daughter then proceeded to read the stories word by word, line by line, OUT LOUD! This is a plane for heavens sake! Not their house! I can see people from the opposite aisle started to glare over and I even heard someone sushing them. But the mother didn't give two fucks and kept on reading with her daughter. Where is an air stewardess when you needed one?! Thank god for Sony Ericsson's flight mode!

I really didn't know what to expect when we reached Krabi International. As I booked and paid my hotel and airport transfer online, I didn't know where the heck my hotel was (other than it was walking distance to the beach), and I have no idea who the person who was going to pick me up look like (other than he will be holding a sign with my name on it). When I got through the long and winding queue at the immigration, there he was. An old and polite-looking uncle dressed in white uniform and black slack holding a sign with my name. He asked me to show him my booking confirmation, told me that the journey to my hotel would take about 45 minutes and asked me to follow him.

When I got to the car park, I was shocked. They sent a bloody limo to pick me up! To make things more awkward, as we made our way to to my hotel, we were heading more to the rural side of town. You can see people riding motorbikes, driving old cars, riding in tut-tut, and then there's me in a big ass white-colored airport limo! >.<"

When we reached Baan Purr, the mini hotel where I will be staying for the next three nights, all I wanted to do is to rush out from the hotel limo, and hide myself in my room as soon as I could before anybody sees me.

I booked myself two full day trips later that evening, before going for an evening walk along Ao Nang beach.

Annoyed

2009-12-22T15:06:00.000+08:00

Everyone who knows me knows that I'm a dog person. I love dogs, regardless of its breed. I've strongly believe that if something is wrong with the dog, it's the owner's fault. However bad the behavior of the dog, it all falls back to the stupid owner.

My housemate got a toy poodle about 9 months ago when all of us moved into the house. Though David and I weren't exactly keen on the idea, we let him keep the mutt under the condition that it doesn't interfere with our daily lives or keep us awake at night.

The puppy, like any other, whined like nobody's business the first few months when she needs attention and I played with her for comfort, and also so that I can watch my TV series in peace without a mutt barking and whining in the background.

Days turned into weeks into months. The owner failed to potty train her and she peed everywhere in the house. At the point, David started to get irked. It started to get on my nerves when the bucket of wiped up pee is left for days until the house smelled like dog pee.

Then he got a boyfriend and moved out for months, taking the puppy with him. Truth be told that I was never so happy. Life without that mutt and him was certainly more peaceful and better. Less noisy, cleaner, quieter. It was blissful peace.

About three weeks ago, my friend who moved in next door gave us his refrigerator as well as a washing machine. Since the house has limited mains, the next available mains in the house is in the living room where the mutt used to stay, so David and I decided to place the fridge there, and a make shift eating table and chairs.

Two nights ago, owner and mutt came back. The dipwart placed the dog cage and the flea infested mutt right in the living room, next to the refrigerator and the eating table. As if that is not bad enough, dumped his stuff on the chair.

I came back to the house with my dinner yesterday, being welcomed by a stench of reeking dog pee. To make things worse, since the dog cage is right next to the eating table, it feels like eating in a dirty toilet! = =

This wasn't what David and I signed up for when we moved into the house. We didn't sign on to smell dog pee every day we come back from work or a house which reeked of dried pee when we wake up from our sleep!

I'm usually cool with having dogs in the house. I've lived with Emily and Jacque roaming freely in and out of my room when I stayed with Amy and Keith, and I know how that's like and I loved every bit of it. At least Emily and Jacque are well-behaved and properly trained by their owners!

Now all I can think of is: I want the mutt out of the house!

Kudos

2009-11-26T15:23:00.003+08:00

First of all, let me start by saying that I hate kids. They drive me nuts. Especially those smarty pants who thinks they know everything in the world. However, today I am paying tribute to a 10-year-old boy in Arkansas name Will Phillips.

Unlike any other 10-year-old, Will Phillips gained worldwide attention when he refused to stand up in class to say the Pledge of Allegiance, an oath of loyalty to the republic of United States of America. The pledge which reads: "I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands: one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all," is predominantly sworn by children in school. What prompt the young man to his decision is because he saw a problem with the pledge of allegiance. "I really don't feel that there's currently liberty and justice for all," said Will.

To be specific, Will's refusal to say the pledge has to do with his strong stance towards equality for the GLBT community. Talking to Arkansas Times, Will's mother Laura Phillips said that "he's probably more aware of the meaning of the pledge than a lot of adults. He's not just doing it rote recitation. We raised him to be aware of what's right, what's wrong, and what's fair."

After discussing with his parents whether his decision not to stand for the pledge due to the injustice which prevents gays and lesbians from the right for marriage and adoption was against the law, Will took his stand -- or rather, his refusal to stand with the rest of the kids -- when it was time to say the pledge. This started on October 5 (Monday), when a substitute teacher happens to be in charged of the class. When the other kids in the class stood up to say the pledge, Will remain seated. Though the substitute teacher who knew Will's mother and grandmother tried to make him stand up, Will respectfully refuse.

Will did it again the next day, and the next day, with the substitute teacher getting more agitated each day by his refusal to comply. On Thursday (October 8) the two came head to head. "She got a lot more angry and raised her voice and brought my mom and my grandma up," Will told Arkansas Times. "I was fuming and was too furious to really pay attention to what she was saying. After a few minutes, I said, 'With all due respect, ma'am, you can go jump off a bridge.'"

With that, Will was sent to the principal's office. While the principal gave Will's mother a call, Will was given an assignment to look up information about the American flag and what it represents.

"She said we have to talk about Will, because he told a sub to jump off a bridge," recounted Will's mother. "My first response was: Why? He's not just going to say this because he doesn't want to do his math work."

Eventually, Laura learned from the principal about Will's refusal to stand for the pledge, where the principal admitted it was Will's right not to stand. It was then that Laura requested an apology from the sub for her son, which the principal told her 'I don't think that's necessary at this point.'

Laura posted the incident on Tweeter, a social networking site, and family friends who were ticked off by the happening alerted the news media. Support has poured in from around the country and attention is shifted to the small town boy.

Although some of Will's classmates are being supportive, there are also those who oppose to Will's stand. According to Laura Phillips, those who oppose Will's stand "are much more crazy, and out of control and vocal about it than supporters are."

Predictably, as Will's refusal to stand is over equal rights for gays, things took a more personally turn: "In the lunchroom and in the hallway, they’ve been making comments and doing pranks, and calling me gay," Will said. "It's always the same people, walking up and calling me a gaywad."

"It's really frustrating to him that people are being so immature," said Laura. To help him deal with peer pressure, Will's parents have printed various posts in his support, telling him that “people here might not support you, but there are people all over that support you."

When asked by the interviewer from Arkansas Times about what it means to be an American, Will answered: "Freedom of speech. The freedom to disagree. That's what I think pretty much being an American represents."

- jessism © 26112009 -

The One About Internet Explorer

2008-12-18T11:19:00.003+08:00

I DON'T use Internet Explorer. And I blame Microsoft for forcing it on us by bundling it with our operating system. As if Windows is not bad enough for our PC's health, they actually bundle us with an internet browser with the worse security system.

Everyone thinks that I'm like Chicken Little crying out that the sky is falling when I told them that Internet Explorer isn't safe. Well, guess what? The sky has fallen! Here's an excerpt from a news piece written by the Associated Press.

"The 'zero-day' vulnerability, which came to light last week, allows criminals to take over victims' machines simply by steering them to infected websites; users don't have to download anything for their computers to get infected, which makes the flaw in Internet Explorer's programming code so dangerous. Internet Explorer is the world's most widely used web browser.

Thousands of websites already have been compromised by criminals looking to exploit the flaw. The bad guys have loaded malicious code onto those sites that automatically infect visitors' machines if they’re using Internet Explorer and haven't employed a complicated series of workarounds that Microsoft has suggested.

Microsoft said it has seen attacks targeting the flaw only in Internet Explorer 7, the most widely used version, but has cautioned that all other current editions of the browser are vulnerable. — AP"

See, I told you so!

So what other options do you have? Go to the Control Panel, click on Add or Remove Programs. On the left sidebar, click on Add/Remove Windows Components. When a box pops up UNCHECK Internet Explorer (and/or any other useless Windows programs that you don't use) and click Next.

1. You save computer space.
2. Your computer has lesser risk of being hack.

Of course, before you remove Internet Explorer from your PC, remember to download a new browser! Don't be stupid!

I would personally recommend Apple's Safari, it automatically spell checks everything you type, and since it's Apple technology, you know it can be trusted. Afterall, when have you heard a Mac is being infected by a virus so badly it needs to be reformated?

Other recomendations would be Opera, Mozilla's Firefox, and Google's Chrome.

If you are thinking about more options why not check out the old (but trusty) Netscape or its decendant the SeaMonkey; for those who wants to be in the loop of friend-updates but too lazy to check your Myspace + Facebook + Blogger + Gmail + Yahoo Mail + YouTube...try Flock which includes a social-networking interface; or if you're very tech-savy you might wanna go for the UNIX-based Konqueror.

Whatever you do, remember: DO NOT USE INTERNET EXPLORER!!!

- jessism © 18122008 -

The One With Melamine Products (Updated: 14 Oct)

2008-09-26T14:43:00.012+08:00

POSTED: 26.09.08

UPDATE: 08.10.08 (Source: Malaysian Insider)

UPDATE: 14.10.2008 (Source: The Star)

The following is a list of melamine contaminated products I compiled from newspapers and the net. The products which are listed as "Confirmed in Singapore" are compiled from Singapore newspapers, while those listed as "Confirmed in Malaysia" are compiled from Malaysia newspapers and Malaysia Insider website. Others are from lists found on the world wide web.

Feel free to comment if there's any addition and I will add it into the list.

BAIRONG APPLE SANDWICH BISCUITS [CONFIRMED IN MALAYSIA]

BAIRONG CHERRY & APPLE COLORFUL PARTY BISCUITS [CONFIRMED IN MALAYSIA]
BAIRONG GRAPE CREAM CRACKERS

BLANCANUBE [CONFIRMED IN SINGAPORE]

CAP LAYANG LOBSTER PEANUT CRISP [CONFIRMED IN MALAYSIA]
CHOCOLATE EGG ROLLS [CONFIRMED IN MALAYSIA]

CORNETTO MINI (ALL FLAVORS) [CONFIRMED IN SINGAPORE]
DAILYLAC FULL CREAM MILK POWDER [CONFIRMED IN MALAYSIA]

DALI COFFEE BEVERAGE 3 IN 1 COFFEE [CONFIRMED IN MALAYSIA]

DOVE HAZEL NUT ALMOND & RAISIN CHOC [CONFIRMED IN SINGAPORE]
DOVE HAZELNUT CHOC [CONFIRMED IN SINGAPORE]
DOVE MILK CHOCOLATE [CONFIRMED IN SINGAPORE]
DREYERS CHOC CAKE ICE CREAM
DREYERS COOKIE & CREAM ICE CREAM
DREYERS MINT CHIP ICE CREAM
DREYERS ROCKY ROAD ICE CREAM
DREYERS STRAWBERRY ICE CREAM
DREYERS TOAST ALMOND ICE CREAM
DREYERS VANILLA ICE CREAM
DUTCH LADY MILK (ALL) [CONFIRMED IN HK & SINGAPORE]
DUTCH LADY 123 HONEY POWDER MILK [CONFIRMED IN MALAYSIA]

DUTCH LADY STRAWBERRY MILK [CONFIRMED IN MALAYSIA]

FIRST CHOICE CALCIUM CRACKERS (ALL)
FOUR SEAS BISCUIT STICKS [CONFIRMED IN MALAYSIA]

FOUR SEAS STRAWBERRY FLAVORED CAKE [CONFIRMED IN HK]

FU DIE LAI ALMOND CAKES [CONFIRMED IN MALAYSIA]

GIFF CURTES CHOCOLATE [CONFIRMED IN MALAYSIA]

GINBIS BISCUITS (ALL)

KOALA COCOA BISCUIT

KONG CHUI CANDY [CONFIRMED IN MALAYSIA]
KLIM INSTANT FULL CREAM MILK [CONFIRMED IN HK]
KRAFT OREOS (ALL) [CONFIRMED IN SINGAPORE]

KRAFT OREOS WHITE CHOCOLATE WAFER STICK [CONFIRMED IN MALAYSIA]
LOTTE KOALA COCOA FUNPACK
M&M CHOCOLATES (ALL FLAVORS & PACKING) [CONFIRMED IN MALAYSIA, SINGAPORE]
MAGNUM MINI MINI POPPERS ICE-CREAM [CONFIRMED IN SINGAPORE]
MEIJI CHESTNUT & REDBEAN
MEIJI FAMILY PACK-GREEN TEA
MEIJI UJIKINTOKI 2978

MEIJI UMAKABO CHOCOLATE
MEIJI ICE-CREAM & FROZEN CONEFCTIONS (ALL) [CONFIRMED IN HK & SINGAPORE]
MENTOS BOTTLE YOGHURT (ALL SIZES, FLAVORS & PACKING) [CONFIRMED IN SINGAPORE]
MENTOS YOGURT FRUIT [CONFIRMED IN MALAYSIA, SINGAPORE]

MILKY BOY MILK CANDY [CONFIRMED IN SINGAPORE]
MONMILK (ALL PRODUCTS) [CONFIRMED IN HK & SINGAPORE]
MOTION FRUIT JELLY STICK [CONFIRMED IN MALAYSIA]

MR. BROWN INSTANT COFFEE [CONFIRMED IN CANADA]
NABISCO CHICKEN BISCUIT [CONFIRMED IN SINGAPORE]
NATURAL CHOICE MILK ICE BAR [CONFIRMED IN HK]
NESTLE DAIRY FARM PURE MILK [CONFIRMED IN HK]
NESTLE CARNATION CALCIUM PLUS NON FAT MILK POWDER [CONFIRMED IN HK]
NESTLE MILK & BERRY STARS CRL
NESTLE ICE-CREAM (VANILLA & CHOCOLATE FLAVORED) [CONFIRMED IN HK]
NESTLE NESPRAY FULL CREAM MILK [CONFIRMED IN HK]
NO FRILLS WAFER BLUEBERRY
NO FRILLS WAFER CHOCOLATE
NO FRILLS WAFER PEANUT
ORION FRESH PIE
ORION TIRAMISU

PASSION CHOCOLATE COATED WAFER [CONFIRMED IN MALAYSIA]
PEI TIAN CREAM BISCUIT

PIZZA HUT: MALAYSIA

PIZZA HUT: TAIWAN (CHEESE PACKETS) [CONFIRMED IN TAIWAN]
SILANG HOUSE OF STEAMED POTATO — POTATO CRACKER [CONFIRMED IN SINGAPORE]
SILANG NATURAL OAT CRACKER
SNICKERS (ALL TYPES & PACKING) [CONFIRMED IN SINGAPORE]
STRONG YOGURT JELLY [CONFIRMED IN MALAYSIA]

TAKE ONE BABY BITE CARROT [CONFIRMED IN MALAYSIA]
TAKE ONE BABY BITE CK VG
TAKE ONE BABY BITES 24S

TIAN TIAN GENUINE PEARL JELLY [CONFIRMED IN MALAYSIA]
TRAPPIST DAIRY LOW FAT MILK [CONFIRMED IN HK]
VIGOR 888 - 888 EGG & MILK FILLING [CONFIRMED IN MALAYSIA]

VITA FRESH MILK [CONFIRMED IN HK]
VITASOY CHOCOLATE DRINK 4S
VITASOY MELON SOYA BEAN MILK 4S
VITASOY Q SOYA MILK 4S
WALL'S ALL NATURAL MANGO
WALL'S ICE-CREAM [CONFIRMED IN SINGAPORE]
WALL'S MINI CORNETTO CHOCOMINT [CONFIRMED IN MALAYSIA]

WALL'S MINI CORNETTO TIRAMISU [CONFIRMED IN MALAYSIA]

WALL'S MINI POPPERS CHOCOLATE [CONFIRMED IN MALAYSIA]

WALL'S MINI POPPERS STRAWBERRY [CONFIRMED IN MALAYSIA]

WALL'S MINI POPPERS VANILLA [CONFIRMED IN MALAYSIA]

WALL'S MOO SANDWICH ICE-CREAM [CONFIRMED IN SINGAPORE]

WALL'S MOO SOFT COOKIE SANDWICH [CONFIRMED IN MALAYSIA]

WANG WANG RICE CRACKERS [CONFIRMED IN MALAYSIA]

WANG WANG MILK, CANDIES & BISCUITS [CONFIRMED IN SINGAPORE]
WHITE RABBIT MILK CANDY [CONFIRMED IN HK, MALAYSIA & SINGAPORE]
YILI CHOICE DAIRY FRUIT BAR YOGURT FLAVOURED ICE CONFECTION [CONFIRMED IN SINGAPORE]
YILI MILK (ALL FLAVORS, SIZES AND PACKING) [CONFIRMED IN HK & SINGAPORE]
YOUCAN ICE CREAM (ALL FLAVORS) [CONFIRMED IN SINGAPORE]
YOUCAN MASTERBEAN [CONFIRMED IN SINGAPORE]
YOUCAN PASSION [CONFIRMED IN SINGAPORE]
YOUCAN SILK SLICED AND PASSION STRAWBERRY [CONFIRMED IN SINGAPORE]
YOUCAN STAWBERRY [CONFIRMED IN SINGAPORE]
YOUCAN TRADITIONAL SESAME [CONFIRMED IN SINGAPORE]
YOUCAN UNUSUAL [CONFIRMED IN SINGAPORE]
徐福记 PUFFED RICE ROLLS (BUTTER CORN & CHEESE FLAVOURED) [CONFIRMED IN SINGAPORE]

(NOTE: Nestle did make a claim that their products DOES NOT contain melanin. Although I would personally stay away from Nestle products for the moment, readers out there who wish to continue taking Nestle products is up to your own discretion.)

(I remember seeing Wall's Moo Sandwich Ice-Cream was still selling at Johor's Pelangi Leisure Mall a few days ago. Will go check again after work tomorrow to see if it's still there. As for the Pizza Hut incident, I receive an email which says that the cheese is from MALAYSIA, so I would stay away from, Pizza Hut Malaysia as well if I were you.)

(Despite the papers saying that all banned products were to be taken off shelves, there are a lot of Malaysian supermarkets and sundry shops that still carry the affected products. After the banned list which contained Wall's products was released, I went to check on JB's Pelangi Leisure Mall and find that they didn't take the affected products off shelves! Worse, my visit to Leisure Mall yesterday found that they have now put up a sign from the affected company --not the Malaysian Health Ministry -- saying that the product is SAFE to be consumed. So who do you trust? The manufacturing company or the Health Ministry?)

- jessism © 260908 -

The One About My Ethnicity

2008-09-03T21:30:00.004+08:00

A few years back, I laughed so hard at Darrel for not knowing that he is NOT Chinese after 21 years. This weekend, karma bit me so hard in the arse, I wish I never laughed at him.

As some of you might have already know, my parents came over last Thursday to spend Merdeka Weekend in Johor. Being the filial son that I am, I decided to take them to Singapore's Sentosa Island. Don't worry, I'm not gonna talk about the trip in Singapore, you can read that from my upcoming posting on Multiply. I'm gonna just jump to the main story.

At Sentosa's Images Of Singapore, Mom was reading this history about Singapore's origin and its people when she suddenly said: "Come see this. This is so true. My grandmother was a Nyonya. She used to wear exactly like that!" A what? "She's Baba Nyonya."

My brain foze.

Mom went on telling me about how her grandmother was a Nyonya who wears what and how she would tie her hair up in a bun and etc. But she lost me when she told me that my great grandmother was Nyonya.

"Are you telling me that I'm NOT Chinese?" Mom then only realise that I wasn't listening anymore. "Well if you put it that way, then yes. You're mix."

All these years I was wrong! I thought that I'm Chinese but I'm not?! I'm now part-Malay?! As if that is not enough to shock me, Mom told me something even more interesting. "Do you know that your grandmother -- your Dad's mother -- is half Thai?"

So there you go. After 29 years, 1 month and 20 days, jess discovered that he is NOT a pure Chinese! I now know how Darrel felt... I'm sorry bro, I shouldn't have laughed at you.

- jessism © 03092008 -

The One About Being Content

2008-08-14T16:49:00.003+08:00

I'm ~~angry~~ ~~mad~~ furious! It pisses me off big time when people don't know how to be content with the things they have.

While there are people out there who can't even afford a loaf of bread, there's still a certain group of people who are bitching about not getting the Gucci/Prada bag he/she always wanted for his/her birthday or anniversary. Take for example: A kid wanted a Merce, but his Dad bought him a Porche for his birthday and he goes around bitching to everyone how his Dad gave him something he didn't want.

Erm.. hello?! What the fuck is wrong with you?! Be happy with whatever fuck people give you! The main point is that the gift comes from the heart! At least he didn't give you a box of Kleenex! If you don't like it, donate it to those who are in need! Stop bitching about it! And be grateful that you don't have to fall into the category of those who starves through their daily life.

If you felt the pinch of what I wrote in this posting, I might be refering to you, then again maybe not.

To the person I used as an inspiration to this posting: "FUCK YOU! Be content with what you have, you jerk!"

- jessism © 14082008 -

The One About Hungry Ghost Festival

2008-08-04T10:07:00.003+08:00

(If you're reading this posting hoping to know more useful facts about the Chinese Hungry Ghost Festival, please press ALT-F4 right now.)

I like to think of the Hungry Ghost Festival is some sort of an annual vacation for those Hungry Ghosts.

The Chinese Hungry Ghost Festival is celebrated on the seventh month in the Chinese calendar, where all the spirits in the ghostly realm, which have been busy working their arse off to pay for the wrongdoings they did before they passed on, are released into the human realm. Don't you think it's somewhat like a vacation?

Of course, to be able to qualify for this, you would need to:
- lie, steal, cheat and/or kill someone...
- be sentenced to hell for eternal damnation
- be tortured non-stop everyday by the minions in hell for the crime you did (and)
- not being fed any food, and water throughout the process

By "working", I meant them being tortured for their wrongdoings. Think of it this way: If you backstab someone when you're alive, you are most likely going to be literally stab in the back when you're in hell. Brings a whole new meaning to the word 'backstabbing', doesn't it?

Anyway, let's not get side tracked here. Back to the festival...

The reason why those spirits are known as Hungry Ghosts is because there is no time given for break. It's all about being tortured over and over again all day long, all year round, for the crimes you did. So when the gates of hell open during the seventh month of the Chinese calendar, they are starving so much they'll eat any fatty MSG-coated food you offer them. Hence, the term 'Hungry Ghosts'.

Back on the human realm, knowing that those 'Hungry Ghosts' will be walking among us, we offer them those fatty MSG-coated food, hoping that it will give them high cholesterol and they will drop dead in hell and never to return again. Little did we anticipate that the MSG will cause their hair to drop and they will come back the following year with a vengeance. That is why some people are haunted by ghosts which looked like its hair is falling off, or looked like its having a bad hair day. I guess this is also probably why most ghosts you see in the movies are depicted as ghastly figures that wear badly made wigs. My guess is that they probably don't sell well-made wig there.

Many associate the Chinese Hungry Ghost Festival to the ever famous Día de los Muertos , but I have to disagree. Día de los Muertos is a day to remember the dead. More like our Chinese "Cheng Beng", where those ghostly friends from the other realm don't come visiting. But during the Hungry Ghost Festival those ghostly figures actually come out. And like it or not, they're everywhere!

How I know? The answer is very simple. As Haley Joel 'Michael-Caine-Robbed-My-Oscar' Osment once said: "I see dead people..." In fact, I think there might be one behind you right now.

- jessism © 01082008 -

The One About Death

2008-07-29T10:55:00.005+08:00

Death... The inevitable pesky little flaw in life that all of us could not avoid. No one knows when its going to creep up on you, and there certainly there is nothing you can do to prevent it from arriving. It comes when it comes, and as it likes, and there is NOTHING you can do about it.

The first death I experienced was that of my aunt. I was really young. In fact, too young to remember anything about it. But when my grand uncle passed away, I was older and I felt it. I couldn't understand why it had to happen to him. What wrong did he do to deserve it? I couldn't comprehend. I remember me and Mom crying in my room the day he was cremated.

When I was 19, I lost my grandfather. All I could feel was: numb. I didn't react to anything at all. I remember my brother waking me up in the middle of the night telling me that he had passed on. Mom's eyes are already wet with tears. Knowing the seriousness of his illness, Dad was already staying with my grandparents at the time to care for him. I knew I had to be strong for the family. I drove as fast as I possibly could. We never speak a word throughout the whole journey. My noisy brother, for the first time, was actually quiet throughout the 2-hour drive. I remember seeing tears rolled down Mom's face every now and then.

My grandfather had passed away at home. When we got there, I smelled death for the first time in my life. The air in the house was so still. Everybody seems to be talking in whispers. I guess Death not only takes lives away but also quite people down.

My brother and I sat out until dawn the first two nights of the funeral service. I remember him asking me if I see my grandfather anywhere. I didn't.

I didn't as much as shed a tear during the three-day funeral service. That is, until the day we sent him to the crematory. I couldn't hold it back anymore. I cried the mother lode.

Yesterday, I was informed by Irene that our grandfather was admitted to the hospital. I knew this day was coming when we were told by the doctors that his heart is slowing down, I just never knew there was more to it. When I called my aunt, she was crying on the phone. I was told that my grandfather had been diagnosed with third stage liver cancer. With his heart condition and the seriousness of the cancer diagnosis, we know that it could only mean one thing.

I couldn't help but think that this "life" business is really strange: One minute you could be munching on a fishball and the next you might be laying in the morgue because you choked on the damn thing!

Since the time will come sooner or later, and it's inevitable, I guess we'll have to look on the brighter side of things and think of it as a peaceful and everlasting sleep. Of course, we all know that "sleep" is just a euphemism for "you're so dead" and/or "you're about to become worm food"...

"Life is short. Get a divorce!"

- jessism © 29072008 -

The One About My Cina Blog

2008-07-22T10:24:00.001+08:00

Yes, I now have a Chinese blog, entirely written in Mandarin! Can you believe it? I can't too!

Jess is writing an entirely Chinese-based blog? He has got to be out of his mind, right?! Well, what can I say? One's gotta reach for the stars, right?

Ok. So maybe I am reaching a wee bit too far here. Besides, what can a 'banana' write about? But as I recall, a certain famous dead people once said: "don't try won't know". So here I go, heading into the unknown world of Chinese blogging.

Watch out, Cina World! Here I come!!! (....erm, right after I figure out what to write...)

"Life Is Like Men: You'll Never Know What Dick-Size They Come With." - jessism

- jessism © 21072008 -

小狗７１９小日記

2008-07-20T00:40:00.000+08:00

小狗今天得知鬼眼失戀了。。。
在聽他訴說與他前男友的事小狗不禁又想起了小老鼠。。。

鬼眼說每當看見曾經和前男友一起出沒的地方，心裡都隱隱作痛。。。

回想四個月前小狗初回來新山時，小狗也常會想起從前和小老鼠的事。
每個角落都充滿了和小老鼠的回憶：
第一次見面的大樹下，第一次吃午餐的日式餐廳，和小老鼠常去的民歌餐廳，超市，書局，玩具店，酒吧等。。。
每個地方感覺都很熟悉卻又很陌生。。。

回想起和小老鼠以前做過的事：午餐時間偷跑回家嘿咻，在戲院售票處排隊時在大眾前舌吻，不小心讓小老鼠喝醉後照顧麻煩醉老鼠的夜晚，小狗要去吉隆坡時小老鼠送小狗的情趣禮物。。。
現在回想起來還蠻甜蜜的。。。

戀愛真得很奇妙。
愛情要很長的時間來培養。
可是愛情要變成恨，就只需那一瞬間。

曾經可以為他全力的付出，不求回報。
當時卻恨不得把他的一切都毀了。
但是現在卻只覺得那是人生成長的一個過程。

某人曾經和小狗說過：
＂認識久了不代表是熟悉，日子短也不代表是陌生。＂
和小老鼠分手後的這十個月裡讓小狗認清了身邊的友人，也明白了那句話的意思。

失戀是一件很痛苦的事，也是成長的一個過程。
人也因此變得更勇敢，堅強。。。

（ＯＳ：老天為什麼要醬對我們呢？
可能是要提醒我們珍惜所擁有的每一刻，不要到失去才後悔。
但也很有可能祂只是純粹的不爽我們。小狗覺得祂應該是不爽吧？）

- jessism © 19072008 -

The One About Politics

2008-07-18T12:07:00.008+08:00

(NOTE: This post might be offsensive to some readers. Please DO NOT read if you are sensitive towards political issues or anything related to politics, and easily offended by remarks made about politics. This author WILL NOT be responsible for any disgust or feel of being offended after reading this post.)

First of all, I hate politics. I really don't get it. Is power really THAT important? I believe that whoever serves the country better should be in charge. And since this is a democratic country, it would be: whoever the rakyat feels serves the country better.

Whenever I see any news related to politics in the newspaper, I would just skip it altogether. But with the endless politicking that's been going on, it has become unavoidable to come in contact with political news these days.

Since I'm an idiot about what goes on in the political world, here's a post about what I understand from what I've been reading in the past weeks... (Feel free to correct me, if I'm wrong.)

01. Election in Malaysia is NOT a fair process. (Source: Human Rights Watch)

02. If you are the ruling coalition and you win the election, the country will go on with business as usual. But if the opposition wins, the country gets endless politicking and finger pointings.

03. Being honest and telling the so-called truth can get you in trouble. Look what happened to that private investigator guy and Raja Petra.

04. If you're being accused of being involved in a murder case, nothing till will happen to you. But if you're not at the police station an hour before appointment time, 15 police cars and men in masks will show up at your doorstep to arrest you, without a warrant. (Don't laugh ok?! According to Home Minister Syed Hamid Albar, it's "the best option"!)

05. It's ok to make personal attacks on your opponent over and over again in a debate when you run out of points to say.

06. Those roadblocks that causes fuel-wasting traffic jams, "were carried out in the interest of the public". (Not sure how he know what our interests are, but that what Home Minister Datuk Seri Syed Hamid Albar said.)

07. Demonstration is considered as an interference with our daily life, but roadblocks that causes fuel-wasting traffic jams aren't. (Here's another quote from Home Minister Datuk Seri Syed Hamid Albar: "The public want their safety, not demonstrations or interference with their daily life.")

08. If you have constipation, you're most likely a sodomy victim!

09. If you are accused of sodomizing someone, you will be taken to a medical center to have your private parts measured, and you will not be shown of the accuser's report.

10. Home Minister Syed Hamid Albar said that "(Anwar) has strong supporters in the international arena... and we are going to stop him." So be very careful. If you have friends in the international arena, the government might just "stop you"!

As I'm not really in-the-know about politics and all, can someone tell me how is it possible for Anwar to have "strong supporters in the international arena" backing him up? When the Home Minister said that, does it mean that our government don't have any "strong supporters in the international arena"? If so, why doesn't our ruling government have "strong supporters in the international arena" but Anwar has it?

- jessism © 18072008 -

The One With A FREE Antivirus

2008-07-08T16:43:00.005+08:00

Oil prices go up, electric bill go up, water bill also go up, but salary remains the same. Sigh...

Use computer also have to support ORIGINAL software, but all so god-damn expensive! Unless you are rich enough to get a Mac, there is no way in hell you can avoid virus attack with that crappy Microsoft Windows OS. (Not forgetting the constant blue-screen and hang that you get if you're using Windows Vista) And my dear readers, antivirus don't come cheap!

So how?

Well, fret no more! I'm here to present to all of you faithful readers the future of antivirus! Most importantly, it's FREE!

You can use it on as many PC as you like. None of those copyright infringement bullcrap. And it's simple to use. All you need is have a little faith in it!

To download: >>> Click Here <<<

"Sharing Is Caring"

- jessism © 08072008 -

The One With The List

2008-07-08T16:28:00.002+08:00

I feel old.

Worse: In a few days I'm going to be older. And having to deal with aging for someone who has Peter-Pan Complex is really not easy. It's like forcing a kid to believe that fairies and angels don't exist! (Which I'm sure they do.... They're prolly just hiding from sight and plotting for a worldwide take-over...)

Anyways, whether I like to admit it or no, I'm edging closer and closer to that inevitable 3-0. With too much free time I have at work, I started thinking about what I should do before I turn 30. Before I know it, I've got a list of absurdities at hand!

In no particular order:
01. ~~Lose my virginity~~ (Thank all the forces at work!)
02. Get (at least one) piercing
03. Go on a cruise
04. Get married
05. ~~Get a decent massage~~
06. Get a sleazy massage
07. French kiss (at least) 30 people (Any voulenteers?! LOL...)
08. Buy a house
09. ~~Have threesome~~
10. ~~See a live concert~~
11. Try waxing (If a girl can endure the pain, I'm sure I could too!)
12. Get a manicure
13. Get a pedicure
14. Sex on the beach
15. Backpack overseas
16. ~~Come out to friends and family~~

Okay, that's all I can think of...for now. If you have any other suggestions to add to the list, feel free to post it in the comment box. If I feel that I am of interest to do it, I'll add it into the lsit. Hehe... thanks o!

"Don't say that Wendy! We'll never grow up!" - Brian Kinney

- jessism © 08072008 -

The One About My "Perfect" Family

2008-06-28T00:08:00.001+08:00

The emotional anguish I have to go through, no one would ever understand. Everybody wanted a miracle. Me, living through life and not killing myself. Now that's what I call a bloody miracle!

Growing up, all I was exposed to was violence. Not TV violence, but voilence in reality, and at full force: Dad hitting Mom. Dad hitting me and my brother. Dad knocked Mom unconcious. Mom left after the incident.

I tried to kill myself when I was a teenager. I swallowed a whole dozen of sleeping pills but it didn't kill me. I woke up lying beside a shattered glass and an empty stretch of tin foil the next day. The door to my room was wide open. Someone has been in the room. Someone who managed to predict that a dozen of sleeping pills and a shattered glass beside a supposedly-sleeping teenager would mean he's still going to survive and MY!!!! That person was right! I actually survived! (With a kickass hangover...)

After Mom came home from her disappearance, she was never the same again. I felt the distance. But who gives a fuck about my feelings? I was just a kid to them. They seem to think that everything was "fine". The family is all perfect. So life goes on as if none of that has ever happened!

Not long after my attempted suicide, I told Mom one fine afternoon that, if not the whole family, I AM in desperate need to see a counselor before things get out of hand. And the answer I get? "Nothing is wrong with the family."

Now... let me try and recall what has happened over the years: Dad was abusive cigarette addict, Mom ran away from the family after being knocked unconcious by Dad, I tried to killed myself but nobody cared, my brother knocked someone up and dumped her at a convenient store AND THEN proceeded to run far away from home to work in a far away place and my parents managed to pretend that none of it ever happened.... WOW!!!! It sure sounds like "NOTHING IS WRONG WITH THE FAMILY".

The One About Marrying A Gay Man

2008-06-23T16:48:00.003+08:00

Talking to Sam online about how disappointed she is with men, straight men to be specific, it got me thinking: If straight men are such arse women said them to be, why would women still wanna marry them? Here's a thought, why not marry a gay man?! After all, as Amy puts it: "The secret to a happy marriage is to marry a gay husband."

01. Listener
99.9% of women always complain that their partner don't listen to them. Ask any women you know with gay friends, and you will find that gay men are actually very good listener. In fact, we are not only good listeners, we are also great...

02. Advisor
It's true! Ask yourself: how many times did your other half yawn or gave you useless advice the last time you went shopping with him? Shopping is a gay man's favorite past time! We will give you the answers you wanted to hear, telling you which match with what, as well as the dreaded line: 'that makes you look fat', without making you wanting to slap us.

03. Cleanliness
Women always complain about cleaning up after the husband. As most gay men have mysophobia, you probably wouldn't have to clean up after them. Heck, they might even clean up after you! Your house would always remain in a clean and tidy condition.

04. Beauty Tips
Marrying a gay man means the two can also share beauty tips! I guarantee you; NO living straight husband can do this: Imagine when your foundation/concealer runs out, you can't just go to your straight husband and say, "Darling, can I borrow your foundation/concealer?" But with a gay husband, you can always count on us to have one lying around!

05. Movies
When was the last time you wanted to watch a lovey-dovey romantic drama at the cinema and your hot-blooded boyfriend/husband dragged you to watch "RamBowl 100" with him? With a gay husband, you know that you can always count on him when you wanted to catch a romantic drama, or a stage musical! Heck, the two of you can even share a pack of Kleenex!

06. Understanding
Remember the time that you wanted to have those pink curtains, but your straight husband think that's it's too gay? Or your husband's inability to understand your obsession with Ikea, shoes or anything nice and posh? Well, as gay men, we understand your need for everything nice and posh, because we too are attracted to them like moth to a flame.

07. Sex
Marrying a straight man meaning you can only have sex with him and him alone, while he goes behind your back screwing every Thom, Trix & Sally he sees. Hey, if a straight man can do it, so could you! Marrying a gay men means, the two of you get to screw with every Tom, Dick & Harry any of you like. In fact, the two of you can even go out and hunt for men together! Now how cool is that?! Bet you can't do that with your straight husband!

08. Divorce
Let's be honest here. I don't think your gay husband is going to leave you for another woman any time soon. In fact, I can guarantee you that! And unless Malaysia legalizes gay marriage, I don't think he is going to leave you for another guy as well!

09. Sleep
Yes. Blissful and peaceful sleep. Women like to complain that their husband snores like a pig or waking them up in the middle of the night. Well, since you and your gay husband will most probably sleep in different room, you are sure to have that peaceful sleep you've always wanted. No one snoring beside you, and no one waking you up in the middle of the night, yet you will still have a sense of security knowing that you have a man in the house!

10. Tax Relief
Sure, the two of you will still get your annual tax relief as a couple, but why help straight men get their tax cut if he ain't treating you right? After all those examples I've given you, isn't sufficient to say that we 'deserve' it more? So find a gay man to marry today! LoL...

[Disclaimer: The article above should not be taken seriously. The author will NOT be responsible should any undesirable consequences, should any occur, after your marriage to a gay man. Should you take the article above seriously, and you are seriously thinking about marrying a gay man, the author suggests that the two of you work out a signed prenuptial agreement to avoid any unwanted, or undesirable, arguments after marriage.]

- jessism © 23062008 -

The One About The "Malaysia Boleh" Spirit

2008-06-06T11:02:00.010+08:00

To show off our "Malaysia Boleh" spirit, our beloved Prime Minister has yet again decided that prices of goods should go up! But how does this relate to "Malaysia Boleh", one might ask. Well, the truth is, all along our "Malaysia Boleh" spirits have never left us. If you look closely in your daily living, you will find that we, in fact, CAN achieve a lot of things!

Don't believe me? Read on:

01. NON-Bumiputera can survive without government help
Yep. Us NON-Bumis are like roaches. Strong and undying. Despite the close-to-nothing help our government is giving us, we still managed to send our children to further their studies overseas and never to return again. Even without the government giving us 7% Bumiputera discount when we buy landed properties, we still have a roof over our head.

02. Toll booths can be set up every 30km
Look at the roads in KL. Those beautifully set up toll booths are everywhere. Aren't they a sight to see? And besides, you can even beat those toll-owner-controlled traffic lights, if you pay a "small" amount of money! How cool is that?!

03. Poor Malaysians will survive
Yes, people with lower income in Malaysia won't die of starvation just because of the price hike. Rice is expensive, flour is expensive, so what? Poor people can always resort to potatoes or non-flour and non-rice related products...whatever those are. Worse comes to worse there's always those overgrown weeds that no one is cutting, or the trash that those rch people left behind and our close-to-non-existing garbage man is not taking out. In short, not to worry, poor people won't just drop dead like flies.

04. Non-Bumis can afford expensive pork
We non-Bumis are a bunch of capable people with high buying power, the price of pork have to go up. To make things even more interesting, now there're only a number of days you can buy pork! This can help improve our math and estimation skill. Estimate how much pork can you and your family consume before the butcher comes selling more pork again. What a fun way to shop!

05. Now the rich can also use public transport
To make public transport more rich-friendly, they're doubling the price of bus tickets! Now that ticket prices will be more expensive, rich people will feel more comfortable in using public transportation without feeling cheap! This will, in hope, closer the ties between the poor and the rich.

06. We're #1 Again!!!
We just like to be on top of the list. Who cares if the government isn’t comparing oil prices dollar to dollar? Who cares if our country produce oil and yet we charge our citizens loads of money for it? Who cares if we're going to be out of oil to drill by Year 2014? We can still sell barrels of oil overseas and earn money for the country! No one is complaining about Proton is more expensive in Malaysia compared to the selling price overseas! With that, the government feels that it's time we top another list: "The Most Expensive Oil Price In A Country Which Produce Oil"!

07. WE -- The Rakyat -- trust their government
We love and trust our government so much we don't question their actions. It's true! Say for example: The government has stop "subsidizing" for petrol. We never question where that portion of money is going to, even though we don't see an improvement in the quality of life, or a decrease in crime rates, or better drainage system for flood-prone areas. Our government still sells oil to overseas country even when we are going to run out of oil by the Year 2014. You don't see us asking them to stop doign that! We trust that they will make good use of the money and not pocketing that huge sum. We love our government.

08. Malaysia can have astronaut(s)
Who cares what the newspapers in Australia said about us? Our Malaysian government can do anything with our country's taxpayers' money and there is nothing Australia or the Malaysian taxpayer can do about it! Then again, who are we to question our government? We trust and believe in them.

09. Malaysia is a friendly country
Malaysia is a great place to live in despite prices of goods keep going up. In fact we are so friendly to neighboring countries like Singapore; we allow them come in to Malaysia to buy fuel, rice, flour or anything they want for the same price our citizens are getting. So what if it's a price hike for the locals?

10. Malaysia is a homosexual-free country
As our former Prime Minister literally puts it: "British people accept homosexual ministers but if they ever come here bringing their boyfriend along, we will throw them out." So rest assure, there are NO homosexuals in Malaysia. Cause if they exists, or even as close as set foot in our country, our government would've sniffed them out and thrown them out of the country ages ago! Malaysia is homo-free!

There are probably more that I couldn't think of right now but if you have something of the similar to share, feel free to chip in your two cents worth about our magnificently governed country.

- jessism © 06062008-

小狗開課記

2008-05-29T22:46:00.003+08:00

從來沒教過書的小狗要開課了！

（ＯＳ: 可能因為太久沒工作，沒入息，一聽到有錢賺眼睛都亮了！）

其實故事是醬的：　公司一位美女同事因為被升級了，但自己的英文不好怕會影響工作，所以要找一位英文老師ｏｎｅ　ｏｎ　ｏｎｅ教她英文。

認識小狗的人都知道小狗最怕就是教學生和女人味了！小狗就理所當然的拒絕了。但是美女同事一求再求，而且還答應會給學費。。。人始終還是擺脫不到金錢的誘惑，於是就答應了美女同事。

雖然錢是蠻少的，但是小狗還是接了。就當作是學多一樣東西。搞不好以後還可以走這行找吃也說不定！

但是小狗搞不懂的是為甚麼美女同事一定要小狗教而不去找一個真正有ｑｕａｌｉ的導師？小狗又沒有教書經驗的說。。。

（ＯＳ：而且管她的，就賺了再說！）

大家要為小狗加油喔～！

- jessism © 29052008 -

The One About Blogging

2008-05-29T11:40:00.002+08:00

The thing about blogging, it's like writing a diary. Once you missed a week of it, it's very hard to go back and fill the missing pages back up.

A lot happened in April, some interesting, ~~some~~ mostly pretty bainless stuff. So let me try to squeeze everything into this posting.

After many months of unemployment, I've finally started working again. For that, I've moved back to the place I was reluctant to leave more than a year ago -- Johor! It's really strange how things worked out. I really hated this place when I first got here, but now, being able to be back, I felt as though I was coming 'home'. Though I have to admit, it felt really weird to be back here when things aren't exactly the same as they used to be. The ghost of the past still lives. Perhaps they never left in the first place.

The case with my employer came to a close. I won the case. A summon was issued to my ex-employer and they were to pay me back the salary they owed me. The debts I owed would finally be cleared.

In some weird ways, "thanks" to my unemployment I was able to see things clearer and better know the people around me.

With help and suport from my parents and a few close friends, a new chapter has begun. Now I'm just keeping my fingers crossed and hope for the best.

- jessism © 28052008 -

Dream

2008-04-16T00:16:00.002+08:00

I had a dream. You were crying. Sad. Confused. Crying.

I held your hand. You looked so sad it breaks my heart.

Crying. Apologizing. So real it all seem.

I held you close. So familiar yet so distant.

"It's ok," I whispered. "Everything's going to be fine."

You were trying. Tears rolled down your eyes.

You held on to my hand. You held me close. It's all too familiar, yet so distant.

"Dear..." you whispered, with words I couldn't hear. Tears rolled down my eyes as I hug you goodbye.

I just hope that this is not a sign, and that you are fine.

jessism © 15042008

The One About Irresponsible Employers

2008-04-15T14:24:00.003+08:00

These things are happening from time to time but the strange thing is, no one is speaking up about it. The worse part is, no one is actually doing anything about it. So if someone needs to spark this and get people to be aware of it, then here's the "it".

The company I worked for closed down more then 4 months ago without notice. Since they still owe me three months salary, I went to the labour law office to file a report. There, I was told that since the company closed down and there is no one to serve the legal documents to, I would need to head over to the company registration office to 'get' a copy of the list of company directors so that the legal letter can be served to them instead. It was when I went to the company registration office that I found out that apparently, I need to first BUY an access code (at RM10) and then BUY the copy I made (at RM5 per page). Isn't that a little overpriced?

Anyway, bringing that copy back to labour law, I was told to pick and choose which director I wanted to sue. First of all, I've never met any of them. Secondly, how do you determine who to sue? I just chose a random name out of the four listed and filed the complaint.

Three weeks later, I was called back to the labour law office. There, I was told that apparently the director I chose to file the legal letter at, is unreachable and I was told that there is nothing the labour law office could do about it. I was later told that apparently, the letter needed to be handed to this director person himself, and only he can sign and receive the letter. And since the letter cannot be sent to this person, I was told that I would have to track this person down myself in order to get my salary back! I don't even know this guy to begin with, and now I am supposed to track him down myself?!

As if that is not bad enough, I was told that in cases like this, the chances are quite slim of the employees getting their salary back. As "in most cases" the directors will just say that they've never met this employee before and refuse to pay the summon. So the question is: if the director is not responsible in such cases? Who is?! What makes a director? Seriously. What qualifies someone to be the director of a said company? What's their role in the company? What are their responsibility? Shouldn't the somebody be doing something about this? Enforcing something that would make company directors held responsible for the mess their company made?

I was later informed that in most cases, the company director will refuse to attend the labor court even after they are served the letter. And even when a legal letter is issued by the labor court to pay a said amount, most company directors would still refuse to pay. At that time, the employee who filed the case would have to take it to the civil court, and even then, the director could refuse to pay. And I was told that this might go on for years. I was even advised to drop the case if I already have a new job, as it would affect how my new employer sees me because I would have to be there whenever the labor office calls for me.

Dare I ask, where is the justice in this? An employee who lost his/her job would have to go through all the trouble in the world to get his/her hard earned salary back, while the company gets away with murder?

- jessism © 13042008 -

小狗遇難記

2008-04-06T19:22:00.003+08:00

相信認識小狗的人都該已經聽聞過小狗失業的事了吧？

因為之前的公司突然關門不幹，小狗失業至今已四個月了。而在那期間，幾乎都是不幸連綿的：勒索，恐嚇，姦，威脅，媽媽最近又病了，外公心臟衰弱到快不行了，連小狗去應徵，還沒開口就被拒絕了！。。。聽起來很像是肥皂劇裡才會出現的狀況吧？更離譜是小狗終於在上禮拜找到工作了，但卻在第二天被通知說要離職的人不走了，所以在也不需要人來充職了？！還沒上班就被炒了。。。

大家想必很好奇小狗這四個月是怎麼活過去的吧？其實小狗也不是很清楚。就模模糊糊的：開始是一個飯盒兩餐吃，再來是一個麵包三餐吃，後來是一包餅乾省著吃。。。現在，能忍受不吃就不吃。小狗感覺好像是隻老鼠似的，每晚都餓醒來找食物吃，但又捨不得把餅乾吃完，唯有喝了杯水當是牛奶牛奶，然後又回去睡。沒想到小狗會有如此下場。還好小狗的現任包租婆有時有吃剩的飯菜就會叫小狗幫她吃完。＂幫＂？其實感謝她都還來不及呢！

最近日子開始過不去了，小狗也快忍不下去了。。。媽媽和外公生病了小狗也沒錢回家探病，小狗也就沒好好的吃一餐了。。。隱約中，小狗可以感覺到小狗的舊朋友（ＤＥＰＲＥＳＳＩＯＮ）就在等著探訪小狗。

有朋友叫小狗回家和父母求助。在那餓著的夜晚，小狗真的是有想過很想哭著回家投靠爸媽，但小狗卻不想讓他們擔心，唯有一直默默的忍了下來。

這四個月里小狗受盡了苦頭，從中學到了很多東西，也看清了世界上沒有人能比瑪尼卡來得好！我想她應該是我生命裡最重要的一部分！最無法取代的了！

小狗寫了這篇部落格也沒要讀者可憐。就只是因為在兩個月前，小狗答應了一位友人心情平復時一定會交代清楚，所以才寫了這篇聽起來很像臺灣閩南語劇情的＂報告＂。但如果有被感動到的讀者想捐點錢給小狗的話，小狗是不會拒絕的！戶口號碼是：1570-5468-7466 (ＭＡＹＢＡＮＫ)!

ｊｅｓｓｉｓｍ：　＂錢是萬能的！沒錢沒朋友！沒錢沒幸福！沒錢沒人要！沒錢沒得談！沒錢甚麼事都做不成！＂

The One About Laziness

2008-03-11T20:22:00.006+08:00

I have not laugh so hard and so loud for a very long time.

I don't know what gave them the idea for this episode, but you have got to watch this! For those of you who can understand Mandarin, go download the February 27th episode of "Kang Xi". The theme for that episode is "Beauty Tips From Lazy People".
The funny part about this episode is that I find myself agreeing to almost everything that was mentioned in the episode. (Only difference is, they are far worst than me!)

The person that I can relate to the most is Makiyo. When she mentioned how "inconvenient" it is to have to get up and throw used-tissue-paper-that-you-just-blow-your-nose-with, you have no idea how hard I nodded! Hahaha!!! It's true! Can you imagine how inconvenient it is to have to get up and find a waste basket and throw it? Only to find that you will have to repeat the action again and again?!
Queena Liu said that she will choose NOT to go out if the outing only last for "less than 2/3 hours". Why? Because it's very troublesome. You need to figure out what to wear, put on make up, style your hair, etc. Why do you think I have long hair that I have straightened? It's so that I don't have to comb or even style it when I go out! I can just wake up from bed and my hair will be perfect. It does help in cutting down the time I have to spend on preparing. Which means, I get to sleep, or laze around, for a few extra minutes! =D

Remote control and TV. OH MY GOD! I tell you: I really can't remember life without a remote control! I seriously don't! If I'm watching TV, I'll have to make sure the remote control is just beside me. And if I can't find the remote control, I'll question everyone in the house and try my best to find the culprit that hid that damn thing. And if I still can't find it, forget it. I'll just NOT watch TV that day.

And do you guys remember back in the days when VCD existed? What a pain it was to have to get up and change the disc? I'm telling you, whoever invented DVD, is definitely a genius... the person really saw a market in us lazy people! And now there's Blu-Ray! I wonder when will they put the whole season of a TV series into one Blu-Ray disc, then I wouldn't have to get up and change the DVD every 4 or 5 episodes anymore.
When Makiyo mentioned she's too lazy to even check the menu, I almost fell off my bed. That is exactly what I hated the most! Why do you think I always order the same thing when I'm at Paddington's? Can you imagine lifting up the menu at Paddington's?! The damn thing is the size of a women's lifestyle magzine and weights like five of those all binded together! And having to go through ALL the hundred pages of it?! That's totally crazy! You know, one might sprain their arm from lifting something that heavy some day! And the menu at certain (Chinese) restaurants (especially). The menu they gave you could be the size of an envelope. But after you unfold it, it turns into this A3-size-map-filled-with-fine-print-words-and-money-signs-and-there-is-no-way-you-can-fold-it-back-to-the-way-it-was! Sigh... Just thinking about it is enough to make my arms sore.

What's your ~~dirty~~ ~~lazy~~ beauty tips?

"Some people call it 'lazy', I call it 'introvert'." - jessism

- jessism © 07032008-

The One Inspired By A Conversation With My Ex

2008-03-06T23:10:00.003+08:00

(*With permission from my beloved ex, whom I promise to leave "thee name out". I love you, babe! LoL...)

I still do keep in touch with my ex. We still meet up form time to time for a meal, or two. He still call, we still talk. We're still friends. Then today, something happened.

Originally calling me out and asking me for dinner, we ended up having a more than 90-minute chat on the phone about, get this, sexual fantasies. We've been together. We knew each other even before we got together. And I always thought I knew everything there is to know about him. But I have never heard this from him when we were together! (You have no idea how uncomfortable I was to hear all that coming from someone I used to date. It's dead weird!)

(Since I promise him I will not disclose his fantasies here, let's cut straight to the gist of it.)

The not-so comfortable conversation really got me to think about that very first sexual fantasy we used have when we were kids. Like, what was the first ever "dirty" thought that came into our then-innocent mind, before it was plague with all the crudeness of the world? Who was our first crush back then?

I admitted straight out to my ex that I was NEVER innocent. Even my recollection of my earliest childhood pre-porn fantasy involves people doing very porn-like things to one another, which I never knew possible (then). LOL...

My ex has this theory that "human beings are sexual", and we are both liberal and 'old enough' to talk about all these. The question now is, how comfortable are you in sharing your bedroom fantasies with your friends? So here's what I'll do:

I'll do a post on MY sexual fantasy, when I was a kid, and share it with the world, if I get more than 4 replies to this post telling me about their fantasy. Good? You can go annonymous if you wanted to, I just need 3 replies.

Do think try and think back, see if you can remember what's your earliest childhood sexual fantasy? And who's your first crush?

Once I get those 4 replies, I'll have my post up! ;)

"Sex is when you acheive orgasm with the aid of one, or more, person." - jessism

- jessism © 06032008 -

The One During My Absence

2008-03-01T00:00:00.000+08:00

As you are reading this, I have moved out and left KL.

A lot happened during my absence in February that made me changed my mind about staying in KL. Apart from losing my job and was jobless for close to four months, I was blackmailed, badly treated by ruthless housemates, beaten, raped, extort... the list goes on. (Don't ask me what happened, cause I really don't feel like talking about them again, or explaining.)

On top of that, my VAIO crashed. Yes, it crashed. No thanks to Windows Vista! I lost everything that was in the laptop: unused articles, writing samples, a short story I'm working on, but most important of all - I lost ALL the photos taken from late 2006 to 2008! Pictures of dinner gatherings and outings with my friends and ex-colleagues, my trip to Phuket, Langkawi, Macau and even Hong Kong, pictures with my family, relatives, friends, my ex, and even pictures of Didi... all gone. Sigh... :(

Although this posting might sound whiny to most of you, but those pictures really meant a lot to me. Files can be downloaded again, missing articles can be written once more, but those pictures are a memento of the ups (and downs) that I've been through. Moments that money can't buy. Sigh... :'(

Sometimes I really feel like it's fate; that all things happened for a reason. Maybe it's God's way of saying that it's time for me to start anew? Maybe it's a way to cut me off from whatever attachment I had in those missing files and documents?

Anyways: Aaron, thanks for being there for me although you gazillion miles away. Amy, and Darrel, sorry I got you guys worried. I wouldn't have be able to make it through if it weren't for you guys. -*HuGz*-

- jessism © 29022008 -

The One Where I Kissed Steven

2008-01-27T22:54:00.000+08:00

Before you even ask: Steven is NOT my new boyfriend. The Steven that I am referring to is the former Boy'z member (current Sun Boy'z member), Steven Cheung. And yes, I kissed him! Jealous leh... Hehe....

Went to Sungei Wang to have one last K-session with Irene, Puay Yin, 24 and Ang Ku Kuih before we all head home for Chinese New Year (CNY). After our K-session, Irene, who still hasn't buy her CNY clothes, said she wanted to walk around, so the four of us accompanied her. While walking, I heard the latest Sun Boy'z song playing on air, so I started telling Irene about their new Mandarin album, where most of their Cantonese songs were rewritten and sung in Mandarin - think Christina Aguilera with her "Mi Reflejo" album. Although I know she didn't really care much, but hey, it's Kenny Kwan's ex-group, so I carried on rambling to her about Sun Boy'z. Can't believe, that monkey, Steven, is still there.

Anyways, as we walk we noticed a huge crowd down at the concourse. Well guess what? Apparently SunBoy'z will be having an autograph session at Sungei Wang!!! Talk about coincidence! Since I already bought my CNY clothes when I was in HK, I asked them to go on and I went for the autograph session.

The boys came out around 2.45pm and performed First Date, the first single from their latest album, and then it's game time! The boys were told by the MC to pick out six participants from the crowd, of any gender. Dennis and William, who went first each picked two girls. When it came to Steven, the MC suddenly said, "you need to pick at least one guy." When Steven asked if any guys wanted to go up on stage -- NO, I did not put up my hand immediately -- everyone just looked at everyone blankly. Nobody put up their hand. Since no one wanna go, I put up my hand... and I was picked.

When all six of us got up on stage, the game was revealed to us: We are to play Rock, Paper, Scissor with the person who picked us. The WINNER will get a KISS from the LOSER. Immediately I turn to Steven, who is standing next to me, "You've got to be kicking yourself for picking me now." The dude smiled and says, "Nah... Don't worry about it."

More about the game was revealed, the LOSER will have to kiss any part of the winner's body, according to what is stated in a sealed card picked by the winner. Oh great.... I wonder if "lips" is written on the MC's card?

Dennis went first and he won, the card he picked says "ear". So the girl he picked kissed his ear. Dennis blushed!!! Oh my gawd! So cute!!! Hahaha... Then William won was well, the card he picked says "head". The girl he picked kissed him on the head. Then it's Steven's turn, I was about to let the girl Steven picked go first when the MC suddenly say, why don't we let the guy go first? Shitz!

As Steven and I prepare to go, we caught Dennis and William running up with the MC, whispering to him, and the two suddenly decide that we should skip the Rock, Paper, Scissor thingy and just kiss. Dennis even said to Steven, "You have to let him kiss your lips!" I thought Steven was going to object, but he said: "Why don't we up it a little? We'll do a French kiss, with all the tongue action. How's that?!" The crowd went wild; I went into shock. I get to French Steven?! Dennis came up to me and said, "Don't worry, you already got his approval! Go for it!" Before we knew it, Dennis, William and Steven started horsing around on stage as if the rest of us don’t exist. It was fun to watch. But shitz!! At the time, all I could think of was: "Steven wants me to French him?!"

The MC stepped in after awhile and asked us to get back to the game. Ok... no suspense here. I lost.

I have to say, each time I meet one of those Boy'z member, something gay happens. When I met Kenny Kwan five months ago, I went on stage and was asked to tell him that I love him in public. And now, I am supposed to kiss Steven? In public?!

Steven picked a card and it says: "nose". Damn! I was kinda hoping for something else! Suddenly William walks up to remind me, "Since Steven said he wanted some tongue action, now you will have to lick his nose." Eeeeeewwwwwwwwww!!!! Steven looked at me and says, "Don't worry. Although I haven't bathed for three days, I do wash my face. But with all the sweating going on, it's gonna taste salty." Ha-Ha... very funny, Steven.

I can see the journalists below are all ready with their cameras, waiting for me to give them a newsworthy picture! Steven wiped the sweat on his face off, and asked, "You ready?" I nodded. Steven had his eyes closed and waited. Ok, I know this is NOT my first time kissing a guy. But fuck wei!!! Doing it in public? Some more with a celebrity?! Oh, to hell with it! I leaned in, closed my eyes and went for it.

I know what you're thinking: No, I did not lick his nose! Ewww! I really kissed him, on the nose.

I didn't mean to be rude, or anything, but the minute my lips touched his nose, my first reaction was to back off. It's wet!!! Gross!! I bounced back and started wiping my lips with the back of my hands. Sorry, Steven. I didn't mean to be rude. It's just my mysophobia kicking in. The crowd cheered. I just wanna dig a hole and hide. How can I be so rude?!

There were no winners for the game session. All six of us received a copy of Sun Boy'z's latest CD, a poster and a notepad, which I managed to get them to autograph in the end. But who cares about all that anyway? I get to kiss Steven! That's all that matters! Haha...

- jessism © 27012008 -

The One About Windows Vista

2008-01-26T14:48:00.000+08:00

After months of getting stuck with something I didn't want in the first place. I am now proud to present you all with my review of the infamous Windows Vista!

First of all, let me start by saying that I hate Windows. I really truly do. It's filled with viruses and backdoor trojans, and the privacy issue! (I bet some of you out there still don't know that Windows actually does that!) And let's not forget the force download of its Windows Update. (They automatically download god-knows-what-shit that takes up a lot of memory space, installed it without your knowledge, and then ask you to restart your pc.)

I was never a fan of Windows. But I have no choice because all PCs out there uses Windows and the amount of programs written for Windows is much higher than for any other operating systems. (Of course, that was then. Now there are tons of software out there for all sorts of OSes)

When Windows releases Windows ME, it was no doubt the worse OS ever written in computer history. It crashes all the time, your PC hangs, etc. So when XP was released, it became an instant hit: faster start-up time, more stable than and pretty user friendly too! With XP being so useful, I really don't see why Windows wanna fuck things up by releasing another crap OS. This time it came in the form of Windows Vista.

Vista. Even before it was released, people out there are already making a lot of noise. For exmaple: It is a rip off of Apple OS' user interface, and how Vista is a demanding motherfucker! For those of you who are so blur and haven't noticed this, Windows Vista actually requires at least 1 GB of system memory (which a lot of gamers are going: 'what the fuck?!') and a 40GB hard drive with at least 15 GB of available space (do you know how much porn you can store with that amount of memory space?) With those absurd requirements, a lot of people, when purchasing their PC, would request the dealers to install Windows XP for them rather than Vista. But as all of you know, all new PC now automatically comes with Windows Vista. Since I see no good reason for me to move away from XP, when I went wanted to purchase my VAIO months back, I told the daeler that I wanted XP installed into my PC. It was then that I found out that if I downgrade the OS to XP, it would void my warranty. Great, so now Windows have to resort to threat in order to get people to use their OS?!

Fine. If that's the case, I guess I'll just have to cope with it for a year, right?

The minute I got home and start up my pc, I noticed that the OS actually takes up fuck load of my computer's memory space! And now, after months of getting stuck with something I didn't want in the first place, here's my verdict:

1. The start up time is no doubt slower than XP. No biggie there, all you need to do is wait an extra minute.

2. The requirement of "40GB hard drive with at least 15GB of available space" is no joke. If you partition the drive into two, you would notice that the minimum you need to have for the drive hosting your Vista OS is 55GB. The reason is because Vista hogs up 40GB of the memory space, and since it needs ANOTHER 15GB free space: 40GB + 15GB = 55GB! But there's more...

Since normal computer comes with not much software installed, your 120GB drive which is partitioned in two would now have about: 55GB on Drive C and about 50GB in Drive X. (Just a rough estimation as some system files eats up the rest of the remaining memory space.) Okay, so you got a new pc with no software, what do you do? Install new software!

3. New software takes up space. And remember the requirement of Vista? It needs 55GB! Anytime that your memory space on the drive hosting Vista drops below "15 GB of available space", ladies and gentlemen, your computer will slow down. And when I say slow, I mean drastically slow. Something that you can notice the obvious difference! So what can you do now? You will need to install the new programs in Drive X, which means, lesser working memory space for you to use! But it gets more interesting.

4. All PC have something call "antivirus". As Vista needs 1GB RAM to function NORMALLY. Everytime your antivirus starts doing a full system scan, you can't do anything else. Your computer wil slow down even more obviously now. (Response time drop from the usual almost-instant to wait-at-least-15-seconds.) Worse part is, you can't stop the virus scan like how you can do it in XP, because Vista hides the scanner, thus making it compulsory to scan your entire PC and impossible to shut the scanner down. In other words, you lose control of your PC!

But that's not the only thing you lose control of! As I mentioned earlier, with XP, you already loses control over your privacy info. Your OS is set to automatically send out information about your PC usage to Microsoft and it automatically downloads god-knows-what-shit that takes up a lot of memory space, installed it without your knowledge, and then ask you to restart your pc. With Vista it's the same deal but with a difference.

5. With every update, you can see what is available for update if you choose the manual update. But even those updates you DO NOT select, or choose to ignore, if Microsoft thinks it's important, they will still install it into your pc even if you say no! (Showing you that they own your PC now. Not you!)

6. Oh wait, remember the memory space thingy in Item 2 and 3? If in the event that after your updates, your partitioned Drive C has less than 15GB free space, your computer would slow down! So now, after the update, you will need to move more free space back into Drive C! Yay! Lesser memory space for the user!

If even after all those things I've said, you still think that Windows Vista is good, wait till you hear this.

7. For so many years of PC usage, I have never experienced this. Maybe it's because I never came into contact with Windows ME. I've heard and learned about this when I was studying Computer Science in college but never have I experienced it. After less than 4 months of using Windows Vista, I finally met the Blue Screen of Death! Not once, but twice!!!

For those of you who don't know what the heck that is, Blue Screen of Death (or BSoD) is where a stop error screen that appears when an OS, most frequently and notably Windows, encounters what is said to be a critical system error which can cause the system to shut down to prevent damage. If you look the definition up in Wikipedia, you will find that BSoD is usually caused by "poorly written device drivers, faulty memory, a corrupt registry, or an incompatible Dynamic-link library (DLL)" and that the BSoD have been present in ALL Windows-based operating systems since Windows 3.1! That's how stable and well-written Windows is!

Conclusion: If you DON'T like to be in control of your PC and like to be boss around by your OS, get Windows Vista! If you like to have a PC that house ONLY your OS and nothing else, get Windows Vista! If you like to experience the Blue Screen of Death, get Windows Vista! If you like to be in control of your PC, make full use of your computer's memory space and NOT experience any stop error, get Linux!

- jessism © 26012008 -

The One With The Plumbing Job

2008-01-07T03:30:00.000+08:00

This is the reason why gay men can't be plumber: We suck! (No pun intended.)

The pipe in my bathroom has been leaking for months. It's getting so bad lately that the water actually seeps into the room next to my bathroom, leaving a water-mark so scarily hideous it makes the water-mark effects in "Dark Water" look like kindergarten school work.

My housemate proceeds to find a plumber to check out the problem two days ago and the plumber, who seem to be in a rush to get out of our house and not fix the leak, told us that we can solve the problem just by buying some white flimsy tape-majig and just do a little DIY ourselves and the leak will magically disappear. I was happy, because:
A) My housemate told me we have the white flimsy tape-majig (whatever you call those things.)
B) The plumber didn't charge us any consultation fee (Yes, I'm very poor now, so not having to pay for anything is like music to my ears.)

So this morning when I wake, I found the tape-majig that my housemate left for me - hanging on my room's doorknob. Since I was out for the rest of the day and got home at 2.30am, I decided that it's time to work the macho-manly side of me and fix the leak myself.

I took the tape, went into the bathroom, shut the water main, and took the tap head out. Yes, it was just like the plumber told us, the old white flimsy tape-majig can barely be seen on the tap head. Now according to this "expert", all I need to do is to wrap a few layers of tape on the tap head, screw the thing back, and the leak would stop.

There I was at 2.45am in the morning, working away, wrapping the white flimsy tape-majig onto the tap head. And before I knew it -- No, I didn't finish the work -- I kinda finished the tape! LOL...
I thought to myself: "Maybe this will work." So I went into the washroom and screw the thing back, tightly into its place, turned the water main on, and check the leak.

"Wow, I did it! I actually got it fixed!"

Not long after that I started hearing a hissing sound and I went in for a closer look: water is actually seeping out and the volume is increasing by the minute! I quickly turn the water main off and wanted to unscrew the thing. The minute I touched the tap head, guess what? The whole thing fell off!!!! The fucking thing just broke in two!!! The first thing that crossed my mind was: "HOLY SHIT!!!"

And then, after a few seconds brain-lag: "Lucky I had the water main switched off just in time before the tap went flying straight into my face!"

I then went out to find a screwdriver, and slowly, I unscrew the part that was left in the pipe and took it out. (See pix below:)
Now, instead of a small leak, my bathroom now has a hole in the wall and NO water supply, as I have to keep the main completely turned off to avoid a major flood in my room.
Morale Of This Story: Never get a gay guy to do a straight man's work. It can only spell disaster.

- jessism © 07012008 -

The One With Bak Kut Teh

2008-01-05T00:01:00.000+08:00

Everytime I post a blog about how much my cousin sister can eat, nobody believes me. This evening, her friend and a couple of the bak kut teh shop waiters can be my witness. I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP!

Went to the Jalan Ipoh bak kut teh place this evening with Irene and Puay Yin, who wanted to try the bak kut teh that I've been raving about.

Now normally, if three person goes for bak kut teh there, they would order for two person instead of three cos they might end up with too much food on the table and unable to finish in the end. So when the waiter came over to our table this evening, I look straight at him in the eye and went: "Bak kut teh sam gor wai!!" ("Bak kut teh for three person.") The guy look at the two girls beside me and asked: "Gei dor gor wai?" ("For how many person?")

"Sam gor," I replied, and he took off even without asking if I wanted any veg to go with the bak kut teh. Irene and I started screaming at the guy, wanting him to come back. We told him we're not finished ordering yet. And I repeated my order earlier together with what else we wanted to go with the bak kut teh: "Yat gor bak kut teh, yat gor yau choi, yat gor yau char kuai, yat gor tau pok, sam gor wai." ("One bak kut teh, one steamed vegetable, one bowl of yau char kuai and a bowl of tau pok for three person.")

As he took our orders, he kept looking at the girls for approval. You can see Irene nodding away and Puay Yin said, "Ok ar..." I bet at this point he must be thinking that we're a bunch of weirdos who's never tasted bak kut teh before!

After awhile, our steammed vegetable arrived, then came the yau char kuai, then the tau pok, but no rice. I immediately call for the waiter and asked for rice. His reaction was: "Yat gor fan?" ("One rice?")

"Sam gor." ("Three.")

At this point, I think the waiter is just too lazy to argue with me. Then the bak kut teh came. All three of us instantly stopped talking and dug in. Nobody said anything much, except for: "Itadakimase" and "be careful, it's hot."

Within 30 minutes we cleared all the food on the table and the whole giant bowl of bak kut teh. Leaving it dry, with not a drop of soup left. Irene and I even shared an extra bowl of rice!

All of us were so full! All we can think of was: go home and sleep. (Yes, we're a bunch of pigs.)

As we waited for the waiter to get us the bill, I told Irene that they sell cut fruits here as well. She looked past me and towards the fruit counter behind me, and I knew what she wanted -- mango! Now this was at a point that we are so stuffed up we could explode and all she can think of (apart from going home to sleep) is: Mango!

Another waiter came to check on what we ate. "Bak kut teh liong gor wai?" (Bak kut teh for two person?") We looked at him and went: "Sam gor!"

You can see the disbelieve look on his face when he heard our answer. Normally, these guys wouldn't ask what you had, because they already know. But looking at the empty bowls on our table and refusing to believe that one skinny guy and two small-sized girls can eat so much, he proceeded to ask us what we had and we repeated the order for him. Finally, he gave us the bill.

While waiting for him to come back with the change, I went up to the fruit counter to pick out the mango for Irene. The guy who came back with the change saw me and came to my assistant. He took out the biggest packet they have there and passed it to me. I guess he finally realised that these three weirdos can really eat? :P

- jessism © 04012008 -

想/忘

2008-01-04T23:45:00.006+08:00

今天回到了我們最後一起共用晚餐的地點。。。不知不覺的又想起了和你在一起的日子。

那一天，你忽然說要請我去那吃晚飯，而且還說搬出之前原本想好好的請我吃一餐，但薪水也不是很夠用，唯有選了那。我看得出你是在忍著淚，我也沒多說幾句的。那時，可以看得出你很不開心，但我也沒想那麼多，只以為你是捨不得搬離我.

飯後，雖然我們都吃得很飽，但貪吃的我們卻還買了兩大包水果，有說有笑，邊走邊吃的回到停車場。回到了車上，車還沒開兩人就靜了下來，在車裡掉起淚，哭了一場。可能大家都心裡有數,知道下去會有甚麼進展吧?

回到家時，可見你是有好多好多話想和我說卻說不出口。。。看著你一幅不開心的樣子，我心都碎了，我也沒追問下去。那晚抱著你睡時，我知道你哭了，但我卻甚麼也沒說。只在你背後默默的流淚，不想讓你知道，怕你難過。

回家的路上，周杰倫從收音機裡唱出了我的心聲：

不知不覺你已經離開我，不知不覺我跟了這節奏
後知後覺又過了一個秋，後知後覺我該好好生活

雖然和自己講了很多遍，時時刻刻的在說服自己；但是現在卻發現，原來想忘記真的不是一件很簡單的事！

愛情走的太快就像龍捲風，不能承受我已無處可躲
我不要再想，我不要再想，我不，我不，我不要再想你。。。

－忘不了的小狗 © 04012008－

3 Years!

2008-01-01T16:27:00.000+08:00

I can't believe that it's been more than 3 years~!

When I first started "blogging" in 2005, I never thought that my blog site would be so successful. Not that I've become famous, or anything like that, but successful in a sense that there are actually people who reads my blog!!

When I started with my first posting, I thought to myself: Who's gonna read about the latest shit that happened to me?! They've got their own problems that needs to be settled. Why bother with mine? Well, I guess I was wrong. There are people who not only reads, but also wrote in via emails! (Thank you all, you know who you are.)

It really is great to see that the readership has grown from my expected zero readership to God-knows-how-many-there-are-out-there-right-now. Thank you all for paying attention to the not-so-interesting going-ons in my life. I really appreciate it lots~!

Although I was telling some of my friends that I wanted something different in 2008, blog-wise there ain't gonna be much difference. You guys will still be fed with the same boring jessism, and hopefully this year I will be able to write more happy stuff rather than the same old sappy stories I've written for 2007.

This year, I have added a list of Celebrity Bloggers into the right sidebar. Do visit them if or when you have the time, these people write kickass blogs! (My personal favourite is Jim Verraros' blog, go check it out!) If you know of any interesting celebrity bloggers' blog site that you wish to share with me, do email them over to gambit-3@lycos.com. I might just add them into the sidebar as well. ;)

Well, that's all for now. Happy new year, peeps! May this year be a great one for all~!

- jessism © 31122007-

My 2007

2007-12-31T01:44:00.000+08:00

2007 was a crazy roller coaster ride for me. There were a couple of ups and there were fuck loads of downs.

As some of you might have already known, I lost my job in January 2007 and was unemployed for more than 4 months. During which, I was lucky to have a boyfriend who was always there for me to motivate and give me the strength I needed to carry on.

In March, I was offered a job to work as an Editor in a new magazine. Yay~! But as the job is based in KL, I was forced to leave JB and my boyfriend behind and move to KL. In April, I moved to KL. And for the first time ever since I left home, I was forced to live with a bunch of straight men.

Although things were going smooth at work, back home, my fucked up straight landlord decided that it's funny to try and cheat me on rent. So I decided that it's time to leave the place and move to somewhere else. Meanwhile, at the same time, my boyfriend decided that he would want to move in with me and come work in KL. Yay~! But not long after he moved in, we had a major fallout. I learned a couple of shocking truth about him and more along the way. It turns out that the person that I was about to spend the rest of my life with is nothing but a scandalous prick! Just great! Although I was in denial after I found out, it didn't take long before the two of us broke up. My depression came back. Followed by a string of unfortunate events.

Work was going smoothly but our salary began to come in late, and in October we were only paid half of our salary. Then no salary in November, and in mid-December, our boss disappeared into thin air. And now jess is unemployed, in the midst of his depression and owes people tons of money...

Ok, who am I kidding? 2007 sucks max! I really can't believe that I managed to live through it wthout killing myself! With all these going on, I really hope that 2007 will end faster. Who knows? Maybe 2008 will be a better year?

For those of you who had it good this year, may all be as well for you next year~! As for those who had it not-so good, let us all keep our fingers crossed and hope for the best as we countdown to a new year!

- jessism © 30122007-

English

2007-12-28T19:26:00.000+08:00

I can't stress enough how important the English language is.

Coming from a family that is mainly English educated, and also mostly because my Mandarin sucks max, English is very important to me. So you can understand my frustration when people I converse with don't know what the fuck I'm trying to say, especially those Cina-Thinking bunch, who always call me a "West-Worshipper".

I'd like to clear things up by saying: I DO NOT WORSHIP ANYONE OTHER THAN MY GOD! I don't care if your preacher claims that your God greater and better than mine, leave me the fuck alone and don't try and preach to me about how great your God is. Everyone has their own believes and I respect that but just don't try to convert me.

Anyways, this posting is about English, so we'll leave debate of the religion aspect for future postings.

Like it or not, English is very important. Everywhere you go, English is the one international language that holds you together. In today's working world, whether this country likes to admit it or not, English is widely used everywhere. You go to a major corporation to meet someone, you speak English. You don't see people use Mandarin or Bahasa Melayu. English is extremely important.

I've been talking to quite a number of those conservative Cina-thinking bunch lately, who thinks that they as Chinese, Mandarin is the one and only important thing to them. Ok, fine with me, that's your preference. (If I worship the West, does this make you an East Worshiper?) But you coming to my face and tell me that all Chinese MUST speak Mandarin???? And you ONLY speak Mandarin to everyone who is Chinese? That's just too much! Yes, I am Chinese, but who say Chinese cannot excel in other languages other than their own? I am still Chinese, I don't forget my roots, and that's all that matters! If you're so staunch a Chinese, can you master all the local Chinese dialects? If you can't don't come to me with this bullshit!

When asked what do they speak when they work, they proudly reply: English!

The first thing that crossed my mind was: What the fuck?! If yu really think that English is unnecessary, why use it? Why not speak Mandarin to your Malaysian-Chinese boss? Or better still, why not attend an interview and tell your interviewer you refuse to speak English with her because she is Chinese and you would prefer to converse in Mandarin to all Chinese. See if you can still get that job?!

Wake up and smelll the shit people! It's the new millennium we're living in. You wanna speak Mandarin everyday, everywhere you go? Here's a thought: As Maureen nicely puts it - "Go back to China!"

- jessism © 28122007 -

倒數108

2007-12-28T02:22:00.000+08:00

108天前，小狗失去了這日子以來最重要的一部份。傷心極了，小狗無論做任何事來都提不起勁。失眠的夜晚也漸漸的增加了。

（＂這裡的空氣很新鮮。。。＂）

這些日子以來，小狗不斷的提醒自己一定要堅強的走下去，別要再友人擔心。小狗每天都嘗試擺著一副笑臉和大家開心笑著的，但心裡卻默默的掛念著那些日子。在無法入睡的夜晚裡，小狗偷偷的打開那首歌，聽著聽著,眼淚又掉了。。。

（＂這裡的夜景很有感覺。。。＂）

小狗不斷的吹眠自己把過去忘了，嘗受失憶的感覺...＂如果能忘了真好！＂　但內心深處，小狗卻好害怕忘掉一切的回憶。好矛盾喔！

（＂在一萬英呎的天邊。。。＂）

今晚吃晚飯時，提起了飯碗時，想起了你那時教小狗如何提碗和用筷子吃飯。。。心裡好酸。

（＂可是親愛的你怎麼不在我身邊。。。＂）

最近小狗的舊患又發作了。。。回想起以前，無論再困難的日子裡只要看到你的笑容都能熬過去，但現在都已成了回憶。。。唯獨耳邊輕輕響起的那首熟悉歌曲：＂我的親愛的你怎麼不在我身邊，一個人過一天像過一年。。。＂

雖然沒有翻唱者唱的好聽。。。但想了想第一次聽到這歌的感覺。。。好想再次聽到那熟悉的歌聲。。。好想再次擁有那熟悉的鈴聲。。。眼淚又很不爭氣的弄濕了臉。。。　

（＂我很想為了你快樂一點，可是親愛的你怎麼。。。＂）

小狗又失眠了。。。在遠方的你會在乎嗎？再過３天，期限就到了，是時候該放下了。。。小狗會做得到嗎？　可能會沒想像中的那麼簡單。。。

（＂不在身邊。。。＂）

- 失落的小狗　© 28122007 -

Langkawi (IV): Still...Day 1

2007-12-26T23:56:00.001+08:00

[Author's Note: After getting complains from everyone that my previous posting was too long, I'll try to cut to the chase and keep this one short.]

After a long afternoon at Bella Vista and failing to check in, the four of us drove to City Bayview to check ourselves in. Walking into the hotel, you can tell that the place is way much better than Bella Vista. Classier and the staff are much more polite and organized.

The first thing we did after checking in was rushing to check out our room, to see if Ms. Fan honor her words. As like she promised, our rooms had the sea view. The rooms are spacious and very very much comfortable. (Now you see why I have to honor my promise to Ms. Fan as well, for not exposing her internal dispute with Bella Vista to the general public.)

After washing up, the four of us - who are now almost dying of starvation - had a wholesome seafood dinner at a nearby shop before heading on to Eagle Bay for a long evening of "modelling" session.

Eagle Bay was crowded with tourists and couples who went there for sunset-smooches. As if it was having people everywhere is not hard enough for us to take those pictures, the sun was setting like there's no tomorrow. Before we knew it, we're engulfed by the darkness so bad our camera flashes weren't even able to help. still, that doesn't stop us from ~~cam whoring~~ getting our pictures taken.

Our next task is to find a duty free shop for some serious shopping --> GET BOOZE!!!

24 and I were like kids in a candy store, running around looking for all the liquor we can think of. We went from one shop to another, checking out the prices and comparing which is cheaper. Worse, we even haggled with the sellers like two desperate aunties, literally begging them to lower the prices even more than they already have. Ang Ku Kuih and Irene stayed a distance from us and just wacthed on. (Yeah.. I would pretend I didn't know me as well if I were to be in their shoes.)

At the end of that shopping spree, between the four of us, we bought close to RM1000 bucks worth of liqour and chocolates!!

As we had an early dinner (Which was at about 5-something-pm), all of us were hungry by the time we're done with our late-night shopping spree. 24 and Ang Ku Kuih offered to go buy KFC, while Irene and I sort out the stuff we bought earlier. The four of us had JD-KFC for supper in the room, horse around, and before we knew it, it was already 2am!!

Don't worry, you're not going to read about every boring details on what we did during the trip. This is going to be the last posting on my Langkawi trip. All I can say is that despite the incident with the hotel, all of us had a great time!

To whoever that is going to Langkawi, just remember this:
1. Do NOT book your hotel through Air Asia!
2. Do NOT go to Underwater World Langkawi!!! It's as big a scam as our government wasting our precious tax dollars on a set of RM500 screwdriver! If you wanna see fishes, go to the morning wet market!

[Pictures from the trip can be seen at http://gambit3.multiply.com/photos/album/44.]
- jessism © 26122007 -

Langkawi (III): Hotel Woes

2007-12-24T15:32:00.000+08:00

[Note: This posting was cut out from the previous post and reposted as an individual post due to complain from readers that the previous posting was too long to digest.]

So the girl at the reception called the "agent" and finally got hold of a Malay girl named Malar, who spoke poor English. 24 was told that we have been transferred to Hotel Helang, which is just right next to the airport. Great. So we drove all the way to Kuah town, only to find that our agent has transferred us to a hotel next to the airport without informing us! Malar couldn't give us an explanation on why the transfer was made. She was told us that we need to check in at Hotel Helang, which at that point, got 24 even more furious.

Our booking was made in early November when we planned the trip, and as our "agent", they are supposed to inform us should there be any changes in our hotel bookings. Especially when it is clearly stated that our package booking CANNOT BE CANCELLED, REFUNDED, CHANGED, EXCHANGED, how is it possible for our hotel to be changed without us knowing it?!

The commotion that the three of us were making at the counter caught the attention of the manager, who came to our help stating that he will be able to help us solve the problem, and was asked to sit and wait in the lobby's waiting area. At the time, Irene was already having a gastric attack. I ran out and bought her some biscuit, while we waited for an answer.

Half an hour later, the manager introduced us to a lady named Mashita, who claims to be the Front Desk Manager. She explained to us that our agent did in fact book the hotel with them but they later cancelled it. Again, we weren't given the reason to why our booking was cancelled. 24 was getting more and more agitated and demanded that Mashita call the agent once again and he wanted to speak to the manager of the agency.

A Ms. Fan talked to him, and 24 was told that the hotel that they have transferred us to is a 3-Star hotel which offers better facilities than the current one. But our main problem with the arrangement was: We wanted to stay close to town! Not somewhere next to the airport!

While 24 was talking with Ms. Fan on the phone, I talked to Mashita. I told her that I am a journalist and I wanted to know what is going on and I promise that I will not use her name should I decide to lodge a complaint. The minute I gave her my card, everything changed. Not for the better but for the worse. She became cocky and began to diss out dirt about our agency, and even said it many times, that it was ok for me to quote her and use her name. So here goes:

According to Mashita, that was not the first time it happened. The agency apparently had had other unsatisfied and raging customers coming to Bella Vista only to find out their booking had been cancelled and was already transferred to another hotel. Mashita also said that, they always try their best to help the walk-in customers find out from the agency where they had been transferred to and divert them there. The reason that those customers were not checked-in by Bella Vista is because the money had been wired directly to the hotel the customers had been transferred to, so (according to Mashita) as much as Bella Vista would like to help, they can't.

I began to get more inquisitive, and at that point Mashita suddenly divert her attention to 24, who is still arguing on the phone with the agency and said that we can't use the hotel phone line anymore and gave us the number of the agency and ask us to call them ourselves.

After we took the number from Mashita, I turn to her and asked, "If they (the agency) are not able to find us a place that is close to town, would it be possible to put us up here?"

The reply we got immediately pissed me and 24 off on the spot. Mashita rudely replied to us, "Can. IF you can pay us then I'll be glad to help." Excuse me?! But do we look like a bunch of people who cannot afford a night at a cheap 2-Star hotel like yours?! Her attitude totally killed it for us. I told 24 to get a hold of Ms. Fan from the agency and I wanted to speak to her directly. When 24 called, we were told that she was engaged on the other line and she will call us back as soon as possible. At that point of time, all of us were already stressed out, hungry and pissed. It was already past 4pm and all of us still haven't taken our lunch.

10 minutes later, Ms. Fan from the agency called 24 and told him that we have been changed to yet another hotel. This time, it's City Bayview. Now I'm really pissed. They've been kicking us from one place to another for the whole afternoon! I demanded to 24 that I wanted to speak to this girl on the phone.

The minute I got hold of the phone, I could've sworn that everyone at the hotel lobby stared at me. I screamed at this Ms. Fan. You can add in every four letter words you can think of. She kept saying that she is not dumping us to hotels but giving us an "upgrade" and that they are not doing anything wrong, as they have problem locating our contact. But everytime I tried to speak, she would cut me off. So When she finally stopped talking, I said politely into the phone. "Ms. Fan, I hope you know what you're saying. Please do know that you are talking to an editor from a travel magazine. Everything you say here might just be published in our upcoming issue. If you want my name card, I have already passed one to Mashita at the hotel reception. Now, again, Ms. Fan, why were we not informed that we have been dumped to another hotel?"

The reaction I got from her later, was a total opposite of what I got earlier. She became very very extremely polite. I was told that the transfer was due to an internal problem. Ms. Fan explained that when Air Asia submit our bookings to her agency, it did not come with our contact numbers - the system could only show her our name and our credit card number, so she couldn't possibly contact us.

When I told her that Mashita from Bella Vista told us that this was not the first time the agency is giving them problems like this and seek for an explanation, Ms. Fan told me that it wasn't true and that their bookings with the hotel was changed from December onwards due to that "internal problem" that they were having. So we waited for almost 3 hours just because the hotel had an "internal problem" with our booking agent?! Correct me if I'm wrong, but we didn't pay so much money to get caught in a dispute between a hotel and a booking agent!!! It's none of our freaking business!!

Before I hung up, I gave a warning to Ms. Fan: "This will not be the last you hear form me. When I get to that hotel, it better be as you said - an upgrade. And when I open my window I better be able to see the sea." And I hung up.
I am not sure if it was my language that freaked them out, or none of them have seen me pissed prior to this, 24 and Ang Ku Kuih were both staring at me when I hung up. 24 kept telling me o calm down, Ang Ku Kuih just sat there, puzzled… and Irene, acting as if nothing happened, asked me, "So, what's the plan?"

[NOTE 2: I managed to extract more information from Ms. Fan , including those about the dispute, but as I have promised her not to publish it, I will have to honor that. The information will be sent in a complain letter to Air Asia.]

[Pictures from the trip can be seen at http://gambit3.multiply.com/photos/album/44.]

- jessism © 23122007 -

Langkawi (II): Day 1

2007-12-24T15:10:00.000+08:00

Like a bunch of crazy tourists, the 4 of us started snapping pictures when we boarded and alight from the plane. The minute we got into Langkawi International Airport, Ang Ku Kuih and Irene became the craziest local tourist I've ever seen. They acted as if they've just landed in Phuket, or some exotic country - rushing to the information counter to get brochures and map, snagged up postcards and paper fans... it was crazy.

Rented ourselves a car at the airport, and since 24 is the oldest in our group, he automatically became our designated driver. Navigating ourselves to the hotel, we got lost on the way and found ourselves at Pantai Kok... which is at the opposite end of where our hotel is. Being the crazy tourists that we are, we parked, got down from the car, splashes on our sunblock and went on to the beach, bracing the afternoon sun. (It was exactly 12 noon when we got there!)

After snapping close to 100 pictures under the scorching hot sun, we decided that it's time to get ourselves checked into the hotel and head for lunch.

Bella Vista, the hotel 24 booked together with the air tickets through Air Asia, looked literally like Disneyland! As we drove in, all of us were amazed about how cool the place looked. Feeling all hot and sweaty after hitting the beach, all of us were dying to get into our rooms and hit the shower.

When we got there, the Bella Vista reception was a mess. There were only two staff on duty and there were loads of people there, waiting to be served. There wasn't any queue to be found. All of them were just standing there, waiting. Didn't know where to go to, I went forward to check with one of the hotel staff and I was politely told to wait my turn. BUt the question is: When is my turn? When I saw that those who showed up later than me was served, I was starting to get agitated.

24 and Ang Ku Kuih later shove their way to the front and 24 demanded to be checked in with the reason that we have been waiting for the past 20 minutes and those who came before us was already served. So the complied. Ang Ku Kuih gave her the print out and confirmation of our booking and we waited. She took out a list and crossed checked. The three of us saw it. 24's name was listed there and highlighted. We pointed it out to her. She looked at it and asked us to wait, while she went off to talk to the second girl at the counter. The two of them had a little discussion and the girl came back to us and said: "I'm sorry sir, but your booking has been cancelled."

"You have got to be joking, right?" said 24. That was exactly what came across my mind. We're on some candid camera thingy. The girl proceed to explain to us that our booking was cancelled and our agent -- the agent that Air Asia appointed to book us the hotel -- had cancelled our bookings and had transferred us to another hotel. To which? She did not know.

I was shocked. But 24 was furious. He started shouting at the girl, demanding for an explanation of how could this be happening and wanted her to find out why was our booking cancelled. The girl, I reckon, was shocked to find him screaming at her. She proceeds to tell us that she will call our agent and find out where they transferred us to. As she dialled for the agent, I took the booking prinout from her and read through the thing. On the first sheet of paper, it clearly states there that we have booked a place in Bella Vista, together with our flight number printed on it. Then the second piece of paper was a letter saying that is to RECONFIRM our booking with the hotel. So with all these, how can our bookings be cancelled?!

[Pictures from the trip can be seen at http://gambit3.multiply.com/photos/album/44.]

- jessism © 23122007 -

Langkawi (I): The Trip

2007-12-18T02:03:00.000+08:00

My memory of Langkawi was a tomb of a girl who died ages ago, a beach that looks very dirty, a place where you can pick up burnt rice, and cheap liquor. Very very cheap liquor.

The first time I went to Langkawi was when back when I was about 13 years old. It was one of those family trip which we took. I remembered that I got sea sick when I got back in the evening. My world spun, I feel like throwing up the whole night. Bad bad bad experience. So when I was invited to join the cast of "Cinta Luar Biasa" for their shooting in Langkawi, I was really sceptical. But to my surprise, the boat ride from Kuala Kedah wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Since the main purpose of the trip is to cover the event, I didn't get to see much of anything anywhere.

Going back to Langkawi again for a visit after so long, got me all excited... The night before departure, Irene and I even had a 3-hour long webcam session to show each other how much nonsense we've packed for the trip and questioned each other about what more nonsense that we can stuff into our bags. Talk about misusing modern technology.

The next day, Irene and I got to KL Sentral the earliest. While waiting for 24 and Ang Ku Kuih to arrive, we concluded that they must've overslept. Although 24 denied it, the both of us are still sticking to that conclusion of ours.

Taking the Airbus to LCCT, 24 and Irene are busy chatting themselves away while Ang Ku Kuih and I tried our best to catch some Zs. In other words: Not much. Reaching LCCT, the first sign of a long began. The minute we got off the Airbus, 24 headed straight to the nearest ditch in an attempt to puke. (Probably due to the lack of sleep, as he was rushing to get his work done prior to the trip.) Then during check in, another incident happened. I have taken Air Asia flights long enough to know that we don't really need to have a booking number to check ourselves in. All they needed is an ID. On that particular day, the guy at the check-in counter could not find Irene and my name in his computer and actually asked for our booking number and print out!!! Since 24 was the one who did the booking for us, I told him that I don't have it. Luckily, Ang Ku Kuih printed out a copy for us! With that, we got our boarding passes and we're ready for some breakfast.

Seeing that we still have 45 minutes before the time printed on boarding passes, we went to McD for a quick breakfast. Taking our own sweet time and all. Time flies. Before we knew it, we only have 5 minutes left before the stated time. As we make our way to the departure hall, and busy chatting away, we heard a familiar name came over the speakers: "..and Ms. Irene Ooi. Please proceed to Gate 14 as soon as possible." They’re announcing our names!! The first thing that acme to mind was: OH SHIT!!! The plane is about to leave without us!!! Our face went pale as we ran like hell towards the departure gate. Everyone had already boarded the plane and was just waiting for us. From the corner of my eyes, I swear I saw that the other passengers were starring angrily at us for causing a delay to the flight.

We sighed of relieve. We've made it onto the plane, yay~! But little did we know that this is just the beginning of a very rough day.

[Pictures from the trip can be seen at http://gambit3.multiply.com/photos/album/44.]

- jessism © 18122007 -

The Cut (2)

2007-12-12T20:56:00.000+08:00

It took me so long to finally raise up enough courage to let someone cut my hair short again after so many years, and this is what I get.

I was more sad than pissed. My long hair is now gone and there is nothing I can do to get it back. And it's gonna take me more than a year to get back the length I wanted. But that's not what bothers me the most. What bothers me most is the fact that I have to put up with this messed up hairdo. I knew that I have to do something about it. As I have to work at the World AIDS Day Carnival again the next day, I text Irene to see if she had an extra cap that I could borrow to cover up the mess. When she asked, I told her what happened.

Later that evening, Irene came by. I showed her what happened and she told me not to worry, as there are still ways of saving it, and promised me to take me to another salon to get it fixed.

After our shift was over at the carnival, we went to a salon in Section 17. I told the guy who attended to me that someone screwed up my hair and asked if there is anything he could do to fix it. Checking through the cut I got the day before, the guy told me that he could fix it BUT he's gonna have to cut my hair shorter than it already is and asked if I am ok with it. Although I said yes, my heart sank. I would now need more time to get my hair back.

The guy was really nice, and did I mention cute?? Hahaha...

Before he started working on my hair, he tried his best to comfort me. Assuring me that he knows what he was doing. Me being all down low and mean, I kinda snapped back at him and said: "I heard the same lines yesterday and looked what happened?" He gave me a smile and asked me to trust him. He was all nice and sweet, confidant and comforting at the same time throughout the whole process. No, I did not fell in love with him just like that, but I have to admit that at that point, I really wished that if only my next boyfriend was someone like him. Haha...

At the end of the day, although I hated the fact that I am now going to be stuck with having short hair for the next two years, I was grateful that he managed to save my hair from looking all messed up. At the checkout counter, I saw his name written on the receipt. So here goes: Shawn, if you're reading this, thank you very much! I'm sorry I snapped at you. And if you so happen to be gay, single and available... call me? Hahahaha....

- jessism © 04122007 -

The Cut (1)

2007-12-10T14:34:00.000+08:00

I have never liked getting my hair cut. I guess it's one of those thing that was in me ever since I was a kid. For me, a trip to the barber was harder than a trip to the dentist, which is why, I never like going to places I have never been to to get a haircut. You'll never know if the person can deliver what you wanted, or give you something dodgy. In my case, it was both.

No thanks to the ever increasingly hot weather, I forced myself to get a haircut on Saturday. As 24 was busy with work, he hasn't the time to bring me to his stylist, so I was forced to go to one around my apartment.

Taking more than enough deep breaths to calm myself down, I finally rose up enough courage to walk into a salon. I told the guy who attended to me that I wanted to have my hair cut to shoulder length. And so it began.

As he cuts, i could sense that something was not right. The amount of hair on the floor doesn't exactly match what I asked for. So I thought to myself, maybe my hair at the back was longer than I thought it to be. Then came the lady boss, walking over to give her two cents worth. She told me that I should cut my hair shorter, cos long hair = more shedding. As I was really shedding like a cat lately, and thinking that she knows what she's saying, I told her to go for it. So she took over and started cutting.

Looking into the mirror, I can see that my hair was getting shorter and shorter. Half way through, she told me that she wanted to change how I part my hair and started to work on it. The guy who did my hair earlier can already tell that I was unhappy. The lady boss started telling me that it's ok to feel weird with short hair after having long hair for so long, assuring me that all will be fine. But something inside tells me that something was wrong somewhere.

Before I knew it, the cut was over. I didn't like what I saw in the mirror. The job was badly done and you can tell that the sides are uneven. When I pointed it out to her, she told me that it was because of the rebonding I did previously and there is nothing she could do about it. After cutting away half the length of my hair, she's now telling me that there's nothing she could do?! She proceeds to take out the hairdryer and started to blow and style my hair and utter that magic phrase: "See, it doesn't look all that bad."

I wanted to burn down her shop at that point.

The minute I got home, I went straight into the washroom, was out all the styling-agent she gave me and checked her work in front of the mirror. The sides are really uneven, the back was uneven, my hair was in a mess that I can not imagine. The worse part was: she had the back cut so short, there is no way another person can fix it unless my hair grows back overnight.

- jessim © 03122007 -

The One With The 8-Hour Concert

2007-12-07T11:48:00.000+08:00

Yes, you read it right. No, I'm not making this up. Irene and I went to an 8-hour standing concert.

The decision to go to the concert came about the night before the concert. Myels called and asked if I wanted two passes to Live & Loud's "Chinese All Star Concert", which features a long list of top Chinese performaers. Hearing His name in the list, I knew I have to be there! So I called Irene up and we decided that we would sit through a few of the performances and just go home after seeing who we wanted to see perform.

Irene and I got there around 3.30pm and there was already a crowd waiting at the entrance. ~~Pushing~~ ~~Shoving~~ Making our way further to the front, we waited for almost an hour before the gates opened! At the time, Irene and I were already sweaty and ready to go after seeing the first performance.

Arriving at the venue, we saw that the concert ground was actually a huge field with a giant stage. No chair. Just a field. But that wasn't the worse. Knowing that we would have to wait under the hot sun and all, both of us decided that we should get ourselves something that is a must for a weather like this: ice-cream! When we reached the stalls, we were disappointed. NO ice-cream. We got too early and there is literally NOTHING on sale yet. Crap!

Anyway, we got into the field, chose a shaded spot, and sat down. Second row from the stage. (The first time having the opportunity to sit so close to a concert stage after the Energy concert!!) As we waited, the sun began to set and the light slowly came our way. It was inevitable that the both of us will be baked soon. With our wishful thinking, we prayed hard that the sun wouldn't notice us and would just give us a pass. Well, guess what? The sun saw us and proceeds to bake us alive for the next 90 minutes.

The concert started around 5.30pm. The first singer was a girl from China. Though we don't remember her name, she gave us something to remember her by: her voice. Irene and I were really impressed by her voice... that is, until she sang her last song. As the music started playing, we could hear that her minus one CD was skipping, we even joked that she should change the CD. Then it happened, half way through the song, the CD skipped again and guess what? Unlucky for her, we discovered that she was actually lip synching all the while!!! Our rating for her went straight down the drain.

We proceed to sit through the next few performances until we got pissed of being blocked by the person in front of us, which was about the time that some local Chinese male artist appeared to hype up the crowd around 7 something. Both Irene and I kept asking each other who the heck the performers on stage were and we would just repeat the name that the announcer gave to each other. Even the person in front of us, who heard us, started to laugh at us.

On the big screen, we can see that the crowd continues to build up and suddenly I saw him. On the big screen, there he was with someone else. Though I kinda expected him to be there, I never expected to see him there, especially with that person. I was disappointed. But what can I say?

Both of us were getting hungrier by the minute. I told Irene that we should leave after He performs and she agreed. Finally, at 8pm, He appeared on stage. You have no idea how hard I screamed! Haha... Irene turned to me and said: "Finally! Someone I know! Now I can tell the person beside me who this is!"

While Irene is busy introducing Kenny Kwan to the girl beside her, jess ignored them and proceeds to record his lover's performance down in video!

Can't believe he's still as cute and gorgeous as I last saw him a few months back. Ahhhhhh.... -*melts*-

After his performance, as the crowd screams their call for "encore", I told Irene that I've died, went to heaven and back. Now that someone we don't know is performing, we can leave. But both of us knew that after five hours of waiting and getting baked alive, it would be stupid to leave now. Since it is stated on the ticket that the show would end at 11pm, which is just two and a half away, we decided to stick around until the end of the show. As we got closer to the end, the more reluctant we feel to leave. Soon, Michael Wong appeared on stage, then his ex-partner Victor, then Fish Leong, Zhang Zhen Yue and then she appeared: Zhang Hui Mei!

Squeezing our way to the front row, Irene and I were literally screaming our lungs out. She's hot, sexy and on-my-god those legs!!! Woof!!! Drop dead gorgeous! (Don't get the wrong idea people, I'm still as gay as ever!) The crowd began to jump and dance along. The whole field suddenly became a pool filled with screaming and dancing fans. The crowd response was so great that the sound of screaming fans was so loud that at times, you can't even hear what A*Mei was singing. A*Mei even mentioned it on stage afew times, that the crowd was actually singing louder than her.

When she left the stage, the crowd was still standing their groud screaming for an encore. No one left. Everyone just stood there shouting until the announcer finally announced that the concert is over and everyone should leave. It was slightly past 12am.

Although the both of us starved through the evening, we decided that it was well worth starving ourselves for. One would never expect that two people with the patience that last as long as the speed of lightning would be able to endure an 81/2-hour long gig! Kudos to ourselves! We broke a new record! Hahaha...

- jessism © 071222007 -

Guilty Pleasure

2007-11-12T11:23:00.000+08:00

Fallen sick over the past few days brought back my insomnia.

Unlike the times when Kenny was around, which I would sleep like a baby through the night regardless of whatsoever nightmare or discomfort I was feeling, I can't seem to get back to sleep these days. I'd be wide awake and just stare at the ceiling.

It's true when people say that your mind wanders when you can't sleep.

Two nights ago, I got up and i couldn't sleep. I thought of the guardian angel who watches over me when I was a kid -- she (I think... cos I'd usually just see a white phantom figure) would always appear when I was sick, and I will be better the day after. Even though i was thinking of her, she didn't appear that night.

The night after, I can't seem to get myself back to sleep after I got up. I started reading. It wasn't until 6am in the morning that I got tired and fall back to sleep. Then last night, the inevitable happened: Kenny popped back in my head.

As much as I hate to admit it, Kenny is always there somewhere in the back of my head. Mostly to remind me what an idiot I was to believe in him and what an ass he is. But last night, for some twisted reasons, I really wished that he was there with me, lying by my side, telling me that everything's gonna be alright, as he used to do, and hugged me back to sleep. It suddenly hit me that I might never find another who knows me so well like he does. Anxiety starts to kick in.

The devil in me kept telling me that I should make him pay for what he did, making him suffer more than what he did to me. The angel in me reminded me of the Xanax I have stashed away for moments like this. Then my conscience fought back, telling the two to shut the hell up so that I can get back to sleep.

As the three battles away, memories of how Kenny used to cheer me up with his (sometimes silly) antics, crept in. Tears began to roll down unknowingly. I can't tell whether the tears were there because I miss him, or just tears of happiness. i let them be...

I close my eyes. Tuned out all the noises around, and I indulged in the memento I have left playing in my head, and slowly, I drifted back to sleep...

- a distressed puppy © 12112007 -

Club Night Horror

2007-11-08T01:40:00.000+08:00

On the way back, the minute we took our first turning, we met with a road block and 24 who drank the least, as compared to me, was tested positive for alcohol and all of us who are in the car were sent to the police station. Whoever the guy was who stopped us the other night was damn fucking rude. I remember him shouting to 24, asking him to get out of the car so that he (the police) can get in and drive, when it struck us. Why can't anyone else in the car drive? We have one who is sober! Why must we let some stranger drive the car? And God knows where he's going to take us! Talking about making something out of nothing, the cop threatened to handcuff 24 and making a big deal out of it if he doesn't get into the passenger seat and let him (the cop) drive. So 24 complied and at the same time making calls to every higher ranked officer he knows.

We were taken for a joyride back to the police station close to Pasar Seni. Why "joyride"? That guy was taking us in circles and using the long way there when we could obviously get there in less than 5 minutes. And talk about bad driving skills, that stupid cop almost bang into cars which are coming by on the next lane! Did these people even pass their driving tests?!

Once reached the police station, 24 was taken in, while Sammi and I were left waiting outside. To my knowledge, the normal procedure would be to take the driver back for a comprehensive computer check. Issue a summon if found guilty of driving under the influence of alcohol, and someone needs to pick him and the car up. What happened that night was a very long wait.

Sammi and I waited for almost 2 hours before the officer who took us in came out and told me that 24 is not cooperating and wanted me to go in to persuade him to cooperate. Certainly not sounding like the 24 I know, I walked in anyway. The minute I open the door to go in, another officer in shouted at me: "Siapa panggil you masuk?!" (Translation: Who asked you to come in?) I told him that an officer asked me to come in and explained to him what the guy said and what my friend was in here for. The reaction I got was more shouting. The guy screamed at me: "Saya tak panggil you masuk! Keluar!" (Translation: I never asked you to come in! Get Out!)

Yeah. We spend our tax dollars feeding and paying rude and fat hooligans to protect us.

The minute I got out, I couldn't care much anymore. I text 24 and told him what happened, hoping that he is able to read sms in there, and at the same time text everyone I think might have contacts to sort this out.

It wasn't until 5.30am that 24 came out from the room and told me that he needed my help to bail him out. According to him, I just needed to sign a few papers and we can go. He looked pissed and was clearly shaking. I didn't say much. I just agreed to it.

Going with him and another cop dressed in plain clothes, we went to another room upstairs. While waiting to be processed, 24 told me what happened in the room he was brought into: Apparently, the cops told him that in order for him to be able to walk away clean, he had to pay RM3000 in CASH! Who the fuck would walk around with RM3000 in their pocket?! The best part is: the 3k is not even summon money! We're talking about 3k bribe money!!! Yeah... this is what happened behind closed doors in police stations. And now we know. Refusing to pay the 3K they wanted, they gave 24 a hard time in the room. Throwing him threats and all. Thank god 24 managed to grab hold of one of his many contacts and they sent someone over: the guy who escorts us to the place to be processed.

Waiting to be processed took close to half an hour. I have no idea why the fuck do we need to be waiting this long, when clearly there ain't that much "criminals" left sitting in the room but us. When it came to our turn, I found out why. The guy who was doing the processing was taking his own sweet time to write and copy whatever that is needed to be written. At the same time, he was making phone calls to god-knows-who. Just waiting for him to issue us the bail notice, it took him almost half an hour! And at the end of it, he told us that the car has to be compounded until 24 settled the payment on Monday morning! (Offices are closed on Sundays, remember?) When we asked how are we going to get to the place to settle the fine without a car, the guy said, "Ambil taxi." (Translation: Get a cab.)

The whole ordeal ended at about 7am. 24 was clearly nervous and was still shaking. After seeing Sammi got on a cab, 24 and I headed to grab some breakfast. When I got home, it was almost 8am.

After going through all this, they way I see it: Whether we liked to admit it, or not, cops are surely licensed thugs. All they can threaten and extort money from you all they want, and you can do no shit about it. Asking for bribe is one thing. Asking for a 3k bribe is certainly overdoing it!

I really salute 24 for still being able to walk out without a weak knee after the traumatic experience they gave him. And honestly, I really don't see why this cannot be done and handled in a more professional manner?! The government is spending so much of our tax money to crack down this and that, the way I see it, the only "crack down" needed is to clean the police station off these money-sucking leeches! As for those who are not apart of that money-sucking team, send them to some anger management course and courtesy training please! I wanna see our tax money well-spent! Not on some over-priced screwdriver set!!!

- a pissed off citizen © 05112007 -

Club Night

2007-11-05T10:29:00.000+08:00

Those who are quite close to me would know that I don't do clubs. Those few ~~unfortunate~~ lucky ones whom I went with, would know that I would just sit and drink them dry.

After having down right low week, I couldn't resist it when 24 asked me to go La Queen with him. So after God-knows-how-long, jess is hitting the club once again. Since I don't dance, 24 and I decided that we should share a bottle of JD so that I we can drink the night away.

Hitting a local club after so long, my expectation wasn't all that high. On the way over, I was thinking to myself: Bad music, cigarette-filled room, everyone sardined to each other... When I got there around 11pm, the place isn't as bad as I thought it would be. No stuffy cigarette smell and the place sure ain't as sardine-packed as I thought it would be. 24 managed to get us a table quite close to the dancefloor.

All I cared about that night was to drink myself silly. To be honest, I don't remember who I met that that. Haha... Not that I was pissed drunk but the music was too loud and under them dim lighting, I can't even tell who's who. I do remember that 24 introduced me to a bunch of his friends.

After a couple of drinks, without me realizing suddenly the dancefloor is packed. Although to me the music was not all that good, the crowd sure was enjoying it. Maybe I was expecting too much, or maybe the crowd has bad music taste... I dunno. Since a majority of them are literally jumping high, I'm just gonna assume that it was me.

Now again, I dunno if it's really just me but I had a guy, who can't keep his hand to himself, followed me around. First, I didn't know him. Second, he groped me. Not once, not twice, but more. In the beginning, I really didn't notice if it was the same guy. I was walking around, I felt a hand on my butt but I didn't look back. I just assume that it was normal to be taken advantage of since I'm ~~oh-so-irresistible~~ in a dark enclosed place where people can't see how ugly I am. Then it happened again, and again, and finally I got fed up and turn to see who it was. This is where my favorite line comes into play: "God was never that kind to me." The person who was harassing me all this while didn't turn out to even hit the "average" line in my target range, and clearly, with all the brushing of his hands on me and groping while I was making my way around the club, I certainly have to give him brownie points for the effort... but still... I got to 24 and told him what happened and told him that I'm going out to get a breather. 24 got pisssed. It turns out that he knew who he person was and made him apologize to me. Never in my life would I imagine anyone taking him seriously but the guy was kinda intimidated and actually apologized!

Counting the time I went to Atmosphere with Darrel and his brothers, a few years back, this is actually the second time I stayed until closing time. The crowd dispersed and disappeared before the lights came on --are those people really that insecure about how they look???-- and 24, Sammi, Justin (who looks fucking familiar but I just can't recall where I've seen him) and I were the last ones to leave.

Having no transportation to go back, 24 was to send Sammi and I back. And then it happened...

-jessism © 05112007 -

11 Years

2007-11-01T16:22:00.000+08:00

It's strange how time flies.

In exactly 11 years ago, today, I received a letter from an "ordinary girl", who wanted to be friends with me. She was 15 then.

We started to writing to each other. Ever since, waiting and checking the mailbox for her letter became a normal routine of my life. We would share stories of our lives, tell each other lil' secrets, and we would send each other our latest pictures (which I've already compiled hers into two albums)...

We were writing to each other so frequently, that I could even memorize her house address without checking for it. Letters we wrote to each other would sometimes exceed 12 pages (front and back), and we would find ways to beat the postal system, so that we could safe stamp money. (We were sending out so many letters, it was draining out our pocket money!) She taugh me one need trick, which is to put a couple of layers of glue on top of the stamp we use on the envelope, so that when the people at the post office chop the stamp, the ink would be imprinted on the glue. When the other party gets the stamp, we can just wash the stamp and reuse it again! Neat trick ain't it?!

If I were to compile the stack of letters she sent me over the past 11 years, my guess is that, is would be thicker than our college textbook! LOL...

Throughout the 11 years, we only met each other ONCE. I can't remember exactly which year was it but if memory serves me right, it was somewhere between 2003 - 2005. Yes, we only meet up after almost a decade of writing to each other! If I'm not mistaken, she wanted to gave me some CNY cookies she baked. Since you can't possibly send that by post, we were "forced" to meet up. We chatted for less than 15 mins and then she left. It was very late, you can't really blame us for having such a short conversation.)

Although we never saw each other again after that day, we still do write to each other from time to time, but not as crazily frequent as it used to be 11 years ago.

Dearie, I really can't believe that it's already been 11 years! If I were to be straight, I would definately consider asking you to marry me! LOL... Anyways, it's great to have known you for more than a decade, dearie! -*HuGz*-

Kiss & Tell

2007-10-24T15:03:00.000+08:00

Kissing is said to be a great way to express love.

I have friends who until today (they are over 20 now), who would still kiss their mother, which I find extremely hot. (I am a Cancerian. I'll always be attracted to people who love their mother.) Of course, I'm not referring to French-kissing, you moron! I'm talking about those pecks on the cheek or on the hands thing.

Listening to a radio show, Kidder (host) told his co-host that he would do anything the wife wanted him to do, even if it means having to go down on another guy or having sex with him. But that's all he is willing to do. If she asks him to kiss the guy, he would flip. Now, this is a straight guy who is very man about his sexuality and is certainly not bi. He is willing to suck another guy and have sex with another guy, but not kiss him?! Correct me if I'm wrong, but ain't the sucking worse than the kissing?

Talking to a few straight male friends of mine, while some screamed no, some gave me the same answer. It's ok for them to have sex with another man but it's not ok for them if the guy wanted them to kiss. What the...?! Since I'm someone who wouldn't do any of those with another who is not my boyfriend, I really don't know what it's like. But the way I see it, since you're already having the person's phallus down your throat, what's a little kiss going to hurt? I really don't get it.

Enlighten me, please!

- jessism © 11082007 -

Sex: Smegma

2007-10-18T17:01:00.000+08:00

(Disclaimer: Jess is famous for posting weird/gross topics, this is one of them. Feel free to NOT read this posting if, by reading the very obvious title, you feel that you will feel offended by the content. The author will NOT be responsible for any mental scarring left behind by this posting.)

I hate to admit this, but I do have a case of mysophobia. I can get disgusted easily by a lot of things.

Talking to a friend online, the guy was telling me a disgusting experience he had when he decided to go down on his girlfriend. Instead of a clean crotch, dude came across a white substance that I block the rest of the details after that out, in order to not puke my breakfast back out.

When it comes to him asking me about my biggest turn off in sex, the only thing I can think of is the word: "smegma".

Bad breath can be easily overcome. Though I may NOT French-kiss you, normal kissing which doesn't involve my tongue going into somewhere that stinks is still fine with me. But smegma?! Ugrh!!! Just the thought of it is enough to make me wanna slap the person... Ok, puke first, then slap the person when I regain my strength. ( Thank god, my ex is cut...)

It's not just a matter of personal hygine but also a matter of something known as: RESPECT! Don't ever go out with a dick that stings with the smell and contain traces of smegma!! PLEASE!!! You'll never know when you might end up getting laid! If you don't give a damn about your personal hygiene, consider it a form of respect for the other person. Wash your dick!!

For those of you who are oh-so-innocent and doesn't know what smegma is, it is a yellowish cheesy substance that can usually be found under the penis head of certain uncircumcised male, that thing also carries a very very very very bad odor! Also known as "cheese" in laymen's term, smegma, dare I emphasize, is an indication of ~~poor~~ ~~bad~~ extremely bad personal hygiene!!! I know there are probably some minority out there who has certain fetish towards this disgusting substance, I don't. I just find it extremely disgusting.

For the curious bunch of you out there who are yet to be grossed out by this posting, feel free to click on this link for an image of what smegma looks like. (WARNING: Gross disturbing visual within…)

What about the rest of you out there? Anyone who actually encountered this disturbing/disgusting thingy and is still alive to tell the tale?

(For more information on uncircumcised penis health, click here, or consult your family doctor.)

- jessism © 18102007 -

Sex: Hickey

2007-10-18T13:28:00.000+08:00

I was very close to stop posting these sex-related topics, but I really can't help it. There are people out there who need to be educated!!! Here's what happened:

Returning from my long Raya holiday, while having a conversation with 魔鬼鱼, I found out that she does not know how a hickey came to be. Her idea was to bite the person until the desired bruising effect is achieved. I dunno what gave her that weird idea, or where she heard it from, but it sure is scary!

Those who know me would know that jess is very very very very much afraid of pain. To let someone bite me until it bruises is just not my idea of sexual fun! I love hickies, giving them or receiving them, but if there's any truth in having to be bitten until I bruise, trust me, I'd whack the shit out of the fucker who bites me before anything else! When I heard of how 魔鬼鱼 thought that hickies came to be, you can imagine the horrified look on my face! I knew that I have to do something about it before she actually hurts someone!

(At the same time, I can already imagine the doctor sniggering away as he/she treats the wound on the poor soul she bit...)

For those of you who have no friggin' idea how a hickey came to be, it is NOT from biting!!!! What you do is you put your lips against the side of their neck, or wherever you wanted the hickey to be, as if you're kissing them, leave your mouth slightly open and suck! The key is to suck on the skin... NOT bite! This will usually take not more than 15 seconds for the hickey to appear... that is unless, your sucking skill is really that bad... (I refuse to comment further on that...)

Like any bruise on your body, a hickey should be gone in a few days time, as hickies are caused by broken vessels beneath the skin - exactly like a bruise lah! If you still have no idea what I'm talking about, please do Google the word "hickey" before you go around biting people!

PS: 魔鬼鱼, if you're reading this, remember: DO NOT BITE!!! SUCK!!! - No pun intended.

- jessism © 18102007 -

Sex: Faking It

2007-09-28T13:03:00.000+08:00

Yup. Faking "it".

Worldwide, more than 80% of women admitted to faking orgasms. In fact I have verbal confirmation from most of my female friends saying that they do fake it. Well, guess what? You're not the only one who knows how to do it! Talking to a couple of guy friends of mine, both straight and gay, I discovered that men do fake orgasm as well!

Shocking, isn't it?

I know you're probably thinking that it's easy for the 'receiving' gay men to fake it, which is true. I talked to a few of my gay friends who are at the receiving end and according to them, they do fake it most of the time in order to get their partners off. Usual ~~excuse~~ reasons, as like those of women, are:
1. Tired
2. My boyfriend wants it but I don't, so I fake it just to pleasure him
3. He's not really doing it right, but I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings
4. It will help boost his confidence and bring us closer together if he thinks that I am enjoying it

I'm not so sure about Excuse #3. I mean, how can someone not do "it" right? Ain't there but one way to do it? Then again, come to think of it, I think it sure hold some truth to it. Heck, I sure don't want to hear my partner telling me that he's not enjoying whatever I'm doing while we're having sex! But the main point is, women and 'receiving' gay men aren't the only ones who can fake it. Even straight men and gay men on the 'giving' side can fake orgasm. Trust me. I've done it before. =þ

How? Well, I dunno. How do you women do it? I think it's about the same. We probably do the same ooh and ahh and pray hard that you won't notice.

Why? I guess the reasons are almost the same: Tired, not wanting to offend our partner, and (or), wanting to get things over with ASAP. Now women out there are probably saying that I'm bullshitting, why would men wanted to get over with sex as soon as they could when they're a bunch of horny bastards? But I'm not making this up! These are actual words from actual straight men! If you don't believe me, go ask your boyfriend or husband! But I doubt that they'll admit it as easily as I do.

But there is a moral to this posting. Yes, for some weird twisted reason there is a moral to this twisted posting that jess wrote.

Do notice that all of us have something in common. The "tired" excuse is always there. So the way I see it, next time, don't have sex with your partner when he/she is tired. Chances are, the person might be faking it.

- jessism (c) 28092007 -

Sex: Numbers

2007-09-26T16:29:00.000+08:00

Apart from "durability" in bed, another topic which was mentioned was "frequency".

I always thought that when TV shows mentioned that most men would just lay dead after sex is a just myth, my dear friend seemed to prove me wrong by saying that one time is already taxing enough, he would opt to not go for seconds, if possible, lest to say a third or perhaps fourth helping.

Asking for opinions from other friends, a straight friend told me one, if he has to "do heavy workout", and he'll only go for seconds if he's "lusty or crazy"; a gay friend told me that the maximum for him was three times; while a girlfriend of mine told me that her record was twice - "once guy become soft then no go". She also added that if the guy is hot, and if he is still hard, she would want more! (So guys, now you know what women wants! It's not the duration of the sessions that counts, it's the frquency!)

Bro, I hope you're reading this: One of my girlfriend even told me that her boyfriend and her went at it for SEVEN times within 24 hours!! And they did that, get this, TWICE! And you call me some weirdo on drugs?! While, another girlfriend of mine told me that her boyfriend and her actually went at it for SIX times IN ONE NIGHT! "After that we were both tired and walking funny. I don't recommend it."

What was your highest record of sex count IN ONE NIGHT? Do share.

- jessism © 26092007 -

Sex: Ejaculation

2007-09-25T14:13:00.000+08:00

It's starting to become clear that my friends like to discuss their sexperience and their sexcapades with me. Not that I'm complaining, cos without them, I wouldn't be having anything interesting to blog about now, would I?

Anyway…

Was talking to a friend on the phone yesterday, while having a very decent conversation – in other words: Bitching About Work – we somehow ended up talking about how long a person could last in bed. (Don't ask me how we got there.) I was asked of how long generally could I last, on average, in bed… minus foreplay. The person said that the maximum average for him would be around 5 minutes.

I hesitated for awhile and gave him my answer. The minute I mentioned the estimated average, I knew that this is going to be a neverending conversation.

"Are you sure you're not on drugs? Ice? Marijuana? Viagra?! You have got to be on some sort of drug you're not telling me of," he said.

"I'm not!!! I mean, think about it! If you can only last for 5 minutes, imagine what's going to happen if you're having a threesome. How do you..."

"Wait, you had a threesome before?"

Oops...

"Oh my gawd, bro. You've changed. What happened to you?"

Erm... I discovered sex?

Oh well, that's another topic all together. Let's just keep our focus on the topic of "How Long Can A Man Last In Bed Before He Ejaculates?"

As if the topic is not interesting enough, he just has to tell me that someone we know can only last for less than 3 minutes!

.

..

...

....

.....

......

.......

........

I went into shock.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but shouldn't an average person last for at least to 10 minutes in bed, minus foreplay?! Not that I time myself or anything, but seriously... C'mon! Do tell me I'm not crazy! One could definitely last for more than 5 minutes in bed without counting in the foreplay, right? Girls, please do tell! How long can your man last in bed? Go anonymous if you have to! Just please do tell!

- jessism © 25092007 -

921: 愛的回憶

2007-09-22T13:13:00.001+08:00

小狗再度失眠了~！

自從小老鼠來了KL後，小狗就沒再失眠了．但如大家所知，小老鼠在上個星期搬走了．

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

370天前，小狗通過了朋友認識了小老鼠．
當時小狗還被小老鼠討厭了呢！之後，因為我們都有喜歡KENNY KWAN的共同點，而拉進了我們的關係．

368天前，小狗和小老鼠第一次約吃午餐．還記得當天小老鼠是站在LEISURE MALL的一棵樹下，還穿了一身打工服，打了領帶．那天的午餐是在一間日本餐廳－九州．我們都叫了那天的SET LUNCH．午餐後，小老鼠送了一支ORAL-B CROSS ACTION牙刷給小狗．當時，小狗覺得很俗但還是收下了．

一年前的今天，和小老鼠在LEISURE MALL看戲．那晚，小狗和小老鼠KISS了！當時小狗還傻傻的問了一句：＂我們這算是開始了嗎？＂現在想起來還有夠爛的！但那晚小狗開心得睡不著～！

在那幾天後，小狗和朋友們上了金馬倫．小老鼠還自己錄了一首歌寄了給小狗來表達對小狗的思念．小狗那晚甜到～～
從金馬倫回來時，小狗買了一束玫瑰花和一個長得滿像小老鼠的鑰匙圈給小老鼠．回來的那晚，小狗得知小老鼠從未收過男友送的花．小狗還有點小得意的呢～！

2006年10月：和小老鼠過的第一個生日，小老鼠喝醉而且還吐了！

2006年12月：小狗被人陷害而失去了工作．小老鼠在那（和往後的幾個月）都好照顧小狗．一直鼓勵小狗．

2007年2月14日：小老鼠告訴小狗因家人的關係而不能和小狗過情人節．小狗好傷心．第一個情人節就這樣沒了．．．

2007年4月前段：小狗從泰國回來時，發現小老鼠不知為何對小狗態度冷漠．連小狗從泰國買回來的禮物小老鼠看也不看多一眼．回家時也沒把它拿走．心真的好疼．當時小狗也正好得了KL這分工而將離開JB，滋味真不好受．那段時期，小老鼠連看都沒來看小狗．就連小狗班加到小狗離去的那天小老鼠電話也沒通．

2007年4月13日：雖然捨不得，但小狗還是離開了JB．那是小狗真的以為會就此失去了小老鼠．但是，奇怪的是距離反而把我們拉近了．小老鼠也在那時答應小狗儘快的找KL的工作，然後會上來陪小狗．

2007年５月：在KL的日子比小狗想像中的難熬，不是失眠，就是想念．日子過得好辛苦．

2007年6月8日：小老鼠莫名其妙的提出了分手．小狗心都碎了．那之後的幾天，小狗都沒多睡到．心情底落，好失望．
2007年6月15日：小狗和朋友上了雲頂．小老鼠那晚打了電話給小狗請求復合．說他錯了，也答應不會再讓小狗傷心和辜負小狗．

2007年7月8日：小老鼠搬上ＫＬ來了．小狗覺得是這一生最幸福的事！但小老鼠一上來，事情就變得好複雜－
小老鼠MISS了小狗的生日．雖然小狗心裡有數當天發生的事，但還是睜一只眼閉一只眼的原諒了小老鼠．但不到幾天，大事發生了－
小狗發現一直被身邊的人矇騙．小老鼠竟然和一個女人拍拖！騙了小狗10個多月？！小狗也在當天發現，小老鼠連情人節也是和這女人過！小狗當時好痛恨小老鼠．好想把他給殺了！
事過不久，又從友人口中聽見了小老鼠在外面高外遇，一腳踏幾船，還答應了對方會和小狗分手，等．雖然小老鼠一再否認，但小狗已存半信半疑狀態了．小狗也有了心理準備，知道小老鼠將會離去．

2007年８月：小老鼠告訴小狗他會找地方搬．小狗心好痛，但卻裝瀟灑的回了：隨你吧，但心卻苦苦的忍住眼淚．往後的日子，小狗都好珍惜和小老鼠在一起的時間，因為小狗知道別離的日子也快來臨了．

2007年9月11日：小老鼠搬走了．小狗雖然心里知道會這一天的到來，但那一天卻忍不住在公司哭了．心真得好酸．

2007年9月12日：小老鼠終於說了！＂我們還是當回普通朋友吧．＂那一晚，小狗崩潰了．在小老鼠車上哭了一大場．當時小狗腦海里浮現了種種畫面．從見到小老鼠在那樹下等著小狗的模樣，第一次接吻，收到小老鼠寄的歌，第一次聽到小老鼠為小狗改篇的歌詞．．．等．心里超痛．連話都說不出口．小狗那晚在車上哭了有整個小時吧？在小狗下車時，小狗回了一句：＂對不起，我做不到．＂

2007年9月19日：一直在朋友面前裝沒事的小狗又哭了．那晚小狗在Amcorp Mall跌樓梯，電話掉了，memory card丟了．因為小老鼠寄給小狗的歌就在那張memory card里，小狗好躁急，一直很屏命的找memory card，而小狗身邊的朋友卻擔心小狗又沒有跌傷．小狗還忍住淚水笑道：＂沒事啦！＂但心里卻好傷心－連剩下的回憶都沒了．．．

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

今天，一年了：今天的感覺好孤單．雖然知道是不可能卻一直看著手機很希望會有小老鼠的訊息．心里一直一直好期待．．．
獨自一個人去看了一部戲劇．戲院里都充滿了笑聲，但小狗卻毫無喜感．心里在想著：你現在在那哩，和誰在一起，在做些甚麼？

真的好想拿起電話打給你，聽聽你的聲音，只要一聲HELLO也好．．．但手變得好重，連要按下號碼的力也沒有．

回家的路上，把原本要送你的禮物丟了．一直說服催眠自己說是一重了結的方式．但回到家里，忽然間覺得房間好空，又想起和你的點點滴滴，結果又哭了．．．想起了你躺在床上睡覺的樣子，但卻記不起你身上的味道，心好酸痛，而眼淚一直很不爭氣的不停在掉．．．

- 小狗日記 © 21092007-0550H -

Dreams

2007-09-20T12:51:00.000+08:00

Came across an interesting phrase in last week's chapter of "xXxHolic".

"如果都是夢的話, 我該怎麼辦? 相逢和相遇如果都是夢...會悲傷嗎?"
(Translation: What should I do if all is but a dream? If all encounters in life are all just apart of the dream, would you be sad?")

I know there is a saying that says life is but a dream, but you be disappointed if everything really is but a dream? The one you love, the people you cared for, the memories of you and everyone you knew… everything.

Yes, it would be great if all the bad things that happened to us can just be forgotten like a bad dream, but with the recent events that has been going on in my life, I'm not sure if I wanted things to be as though a bad dream that I would forget after I wake… or should I had it be a real life experience that I live through and remember for the rest of my life?

"夢有兩種...醒著的夢和睡著的夢. 不管是那一種, 只要堅定的祈禱就可以變成現實.你所經歷過的那些真實會讓你變得堅強, 而只要用這份堅強來不停的許愿夢就會成真."
(Translation: There are two types of dreams: The dreams you have when you're awake and the dreams you have when you sleep. All that you have experienced will make you stronger. With determination, either dream will become a reality.)

I guess what makes us us is our determination to achieve our dreams and to live the life we wanted. It's our dreams that keeps us going. More like day and night, one could not have existed if it weren't for the other.

- a jessism © 19092007 -

Parents

2007-09-17T15:17:00.000+08:00

If you wanna know where I get my craziness from, you should definitely meet my ~~family~~ parents.

A visit home is just marked as a beginning when your parents pick you up from whether that you're stopping at. Be it the airport, train station, or even bus terminal, the routine parental remarks would usually be:
a. How was the trip?
b. You look tired.
c. Go get some rest.
Mine was more like: How was the trip, I bet it was tiring. You look tired, didn't you sleep on the bus? You need to go get some rest when we get home.

Mothers. I really can't tell whether they are a blessing from God or the Chef From Hell sent by the Devil to punish us for all the stuff turkeys we ate. It seems as though all moms are programmed to stuff their kids like turkeys whenever they go home for a visit. On the morning I got home, I discovered that my mom had made a fridge filled with soya bean jelly for me, which is great~! Who doesn't like dessert, right? But when I found out what she prepared for lunch, I almost faint. Mom bought me curry noodle from my favorite stall, cooked some of my favorite dishes, boiled a pot of herbal soup, and on top of that, she cooked both porridge AND rice! All that for just ONE meal! Mom, I love you, but don't you think that's a little bit far too much for your skinny son?

After lunch, I decided to go have a look around the house.

A pile of overgrown weed? Look closely. It's a bunch of mint my mom grew that has now occupied almost a quarter of our backyard! When I talked to my mom about it, her exact reaction was: "Aren't they beautiful?" Yeah, if they were bunch of flowers or maybe if we are the supplier for Wrigley’s Spearmint!

Walking into our garden, I noticed that the rambutan tree that was there since I was a kid is missing. When I asked mom why the rambutan tree was chopped, she told me that the tree is too old and is growing out of hand, so it had to go before it collapses on to the house. Then she proceed to add, "Did you see the longan tree I planted to replace it?" Right, so a rambutan tree can collapse onto our house but a longan tree can't??

Apart from just chopping down the tree, Mom and Dad seem to think that it's a great idea to dig the roots out as well. Which is ok by me, but what happens after is that they left a hole big enough to be a ~~swimming~~ drowning pool. When I asked my Dad about the hole, he told me that he's making a kid-size swimming pool for mom?! (Talk about crazy parents!)

jessism © 17092007

DH4

2007-09-12T11:00:00.000+08:00

Come September 30th.

It's going to be juicier than ever.

More dirty laundries are going to be aired.

And it really is going to be a hell of a day in the neighborhood.

Are you ready?

"Desperate Housewives: Season 4" Premiering September 30th.

Inevitable

2007-09-12T10:42:00.000+08:00

The inevitable has happened: Kenny moved out yesterday.

It's strange how things might sometimes turn out. I am the kind of person who does not like to have a roommate. You can call me selfish, weird or even obsessive compulsive, whatever-it-is, I just can't stand sharing the same room with another person. I don't like to be rushed and when in the washroom: be it bathing or "making a deposit". I don't like other people touching my things. I don't like having the idea that people might actually go through my things when I am not around. I don't like people sitting on my bed. I don't like people touching anything at all that is on my bed (cause they might leave their stench and then I would be forced to change my sheets). I want my stuff to stay mine and I just don't want anybody to go near it.

The strange thing is: I am starting to get use to having Kenny around so much, that now that he's moving, I really feel very reluctant. I know at some point the kid will be moving out but I guess one could never be prepared for this kind of stuff, or can they? I can't help but to think about how different things would be if we were still living together.

Sigh... I guess it's time to move on now. It's the beginning of a new chapter in his life, I guess, so should it mark mine as well. As "they" (whoever "they" may be) say: "The end is the beginning is the end..."

- jessism © 12.09.2007 -

Maybank

2007-09-06T14:48:00.001+08:00

I never liked them. They provide the worse service in town, charge you for every single little thing you need done, charge you for putting your money in their bank, and with all the money collected from all the charges they impose on you, they use it to hire the worse staff with the worse attitude available in Malaysia to serve you. It's one of the most money-sucking bank in Malaysia.

I was forced to open an account with them a few years back when I joined Cathay. The branch that I was asked to go to was the one in Burma Road. When I opened the account, the girl over the counter told me that their new accounts are all passbookless, and gave me just an ATM card. I was really very skeptic about all this. When I asked the girl how would I know about my balance and statement, she told me that I could print it over the ATM.

After I stop working for Cathay and moved to JB, my (then) new company also transfer our pay through Maybank. Leaving me no choice but to keep the account open. (I would've closed the acccount if it weren't for them.)

Having the need for literally NO human contact at all (with any Maybank staff) throughout the two years, I began to find that it ain't that bad after all... until recently.

Somehow, my bank card died on me over the weekend. For some strange reason, I could not access my account at all. After two years, I finally need to talk to a Maybank staff! -*gasp*-

Going to the branch in Old Klang Road yesterday, which I frequent to get my dealings with the ATM done, I spoke to a helping and nice lady over the counter. I thought to myself: "wow, their service has improved!" The lady over the counter - sorry I can't remember her name - was shocked to find that I do not have any bank account number written on my ATM card and it was signed. In a very polite way, she told asked me which branch was the card obtained fom and she then excused herself to speak to someone who is in charge - An older lady.

The older lady freaked out the moment she saw that the card doesn't carry any signature! She began to question me if I was the rightful owner of the card and why did I not sign on the card. She also asked me for the 16-digit bank account number which only a genius would be able to memorize and expect me to read it out to her. Since I can't pull the string of numbers out, she wanted me to go to the ATM and demonstrate to her what I did that the ATM machine rejected my card. As if I was some nut job who doesn't know how to use the ATM! It was after the machine rejected my card again that she asked for my IC and helped me check on what was wrong with the card! Why the fuck can't she jsut help me check it in the first place instead of wasting my time in there?! Is this Maybank's idiotic office policy?! To make fun of the customer and waste more of their precious time before helping them with whatever they needed to get done?! In case you whackos at Maybank don't remember, WE pay your salary! If WE don't put money in your bank, YOU wouldn't have a job now!

After checking, she told me that I've entered my PIN wrong three times and the card has now been barred. Erm.. EXCUSE ME?! I've been using the same PIN number for two years, how can it be wrong?! The best part was, she told me that since I am from Penang, they are not able to help me replace the card unless I go back to the branch where I had the account with. When I told her that the account is in Penang, she went: "Oh... Then why don't you get it replaced when you go back to Penang?" EXCUSE ME?!

Seeing that I was almost about to scream and shout at the old lady, the counter girl suggested to me that I can do whatever withdrawal I needed over the counter and gave me a form and a number.

When it came to my turn, pretending that I didn't know what was wrong with my card, I asked the teller to help me check what was wrong it. She told me that my card has been barred for keying in the wrong pin number. When I told her that it was the right key number all along, she told me that I can get the card replaced just by filling up a form which I can easily get from the counter downstairs.

Okay.. first I was told that I cannot get my card replaced in KL, now I have a teller over the counter telling me that I can get my card replaced?! What the fuck is going on?! Oh, did I mentioned that I was charged RM0.50 for me over-the-counter withdrawal. (First I let them keep my money and now they're charging me for taking it out?!)

Going down to the nice counter lady, I told her that I wanted a form for a replacement card. While passing me the form, she told me that since my card is issued outstation, it might take a very long while before they can verify all information and give me a replacement card. I told her that it's ok, and she told me to go to another counter when I was done filling the form up.

When I got to the counter, I was greeted by a Malay female staff that hissed at me: "Apa mau?!" (Translation: What you want?!) When she saw the form I passed to her, she asked me which branch was I from and I told her, Penang. Suddenly she went: "Sini tak boleh buat. Siapa panggil you mai sini?" (Translation: It cannot be done here, who ask you to come here?) When I told her a teller from upstairs said that it can be done here and asked me to filled up a form, she just kept quiet.

I later learned that apparently, for them to "help" someone from outstation to do this would take up a lot of time and follow-up. In order to NOT get involve in such acts, they tell the person that it cannot be done, so that the person would go bug the bank that they are from.

The moral of this story? NEVER EVER open an account with Maybank. They have rude and unhelpful staff. They charge you for everything. If you're looking for the worse bank in town, this is the one that just MAY fuck you up. (If you haven’t heard of them, their logo is as shown below.)

(Conclusion: Jess did not get his card replaced as the Malay Female Staff told me that it cannot be done. Fuck this fucked up establishment! I'm going to close my account when I go back to Penang!)

- jessism © 05092007 -

Long Weekend

2007-09-03T12:46:00.000+08:00

August was a crazy month: Busy work schedule. Fucked up designer messing up the magazine. Nosy people who can't seem to mind their own business came poking around. Disrespectful people crack distasteful jokes and think that it's funny when no one's laughing. People who have mental issues sent me mental notes and notices about how they hated me. (And one would think that only celebrities gets hate mails? Not that I don't mind learning more about my fans' life - should I be calling them "fans"? - but I got better things to worry about, like my own life, for instance.)

Despite all the craziness, I got a much needed break thanks to Tunku Abdul Rahman – a 3-day long weekend.

Left KL early Friday morning to Johore with Myels, Benzamine, and Kenny. While the three went back to their parents', I tagged along and took the opportunity to visit the 60-year-old landlady I stayed with when I was working in JB. After sending Ben and Kenny back, when Myels dropped me at Aunty's place, it was already 2pm. Knowing that I will be staying over, Aunty insisted on cooking me dinner, which include my favorite curry chicken. (Yummmy~!)

Went out for karaoke with Ben, Oz, Kenny, and Greg on Saturday morning before heading over to Singapore to hunt for a new phone. Yeah, time for the old phone to retire to a less hectic user - ie: my mom. I was almost forced into buying an obsolete phone while browsing through phone shops in Lucky Plaza. The sales person insisted that I buy the phone he was recommending to me, it was at that time when I got a text message from David which gave me an idea for a getaway lie! Phew~!

Meeting up with David at Orchard MRT, he accompanied me to Far East to check out more phone prices before I finally decided on buying. Yes, jess has got a new phone now! Sony Ericsson T650i~!! Now I can do video call! Yipee~!!!

We met up with Tom not long after that and decided to go have dinner at Wisma Atria. Just right after we ordered and as I was about to start eating, I got a text message from Kenny saying that his mother had cooked dinner for me and wanted me to go over the minute I got back from Singapore. (Uh-oh... this can't be good! Ex-mother-in-law inviting me over for dinner and I miss it?!) I tried my best to finish my bowl of noodle soup the fastest I could and took off half way during dinner to rush back to JB.

As we are supposed to depart early Sunday morning from JB back to KL, I was to arrange the itinerary for the following day so that our travel plans don't get screwed up. I was to go have dinner at Kenny's place after I reached JB, spend the night at his place, Greg would drive me and Kenny to Aunty's place the next day, then Myels can pick the both of us up from there.

When I reached Aunty's place and told that we will be leaving after lunch, Aunty insisted that we have lunch with her the next day before leaving.
Although I called Aunty early Sunday morning that I will be reaching her place after 1pm and asked for her to have lunch first, when Greg got us got there around 12.30pm, Aunty told Kenny that she was waiting for us so that we could all have lunch together! (Damn touched!) Went we got into the kitchen, I could smell the sweet smell of tom yam! She cooked us Tom Yam Chicken!! Yay!!! The best part was, she even made Kenny's favourite ABC soup! (Haha... Thank you, Aunty! Thank you so very much!!!)

Thanks to Tunku Abdul Rahman, we managed to get this 3-day long weekend break.

Thanks to Tunku Abdul Rahman, I managed to get a much deserved break away from my crazy workplace.

Thanks to ~~Tunku Abdul Rahman~~ Aunty, Kenny, Greg and I, were able to enjoy a delicious lunch!

It was definitely the best weekend I've had all month!

- jessism © 03092007 -

Meeting Kenny Kwan

2007-08-20T13:30:00.000+08:00

It was the happiest weekend I've had this year!

If you have me added as a friend on Friendster or Myspace, you would know that the few people I would like to meet most in my life are: Oprah Winfrey, Tyra Banks, Jamie Oliver, Jim Verraros, Kenny Kwan and God (if there's one). With the obvious giveaway blog headline and the picture on the right, bet you already know who I met over the weekend! Muahahaha...

Knowing that Kenny Kwan is in Malaysia already got me and Kenny (the mouse, not the artist) jumping with joy. When we heard that he will be having a autograph session for his new album "In Progress" at Cheras Leisure Mall, we kinda concluded that we MUST be there! Suddenly, going over to Cheras without knowing where exactly is the Leisure Mall and the possibility of us getting stuck in a bad jam are no longer obstacles. The most important thing is: We get to meet Kenny Kwan!

On the way over, we talked about the possibility of having less than 50 people attending the event. After all, this guy is not really that well known in Malaysia. Songs from his previous albums didn't get much airplay in Malaysia! His second album, "MusicK" didn't even make it our shores! So as we are stuck in the jam, we kinda fantasize about no one turning up for the event and how we are able to have Kenny Kwan to ourselves...

When we got there, there are only a handful of people around. Probably the least of crowd I've seen so far for an autograph session from a Hong Kong singer. But you can tell that those who are there are hardcore fans! They have posters and banners at hand, some even with digicam and paper bags filled with CDs, posters, magazines and God-knows-what... There were even fans that came all the way from Singapore!

Kenny Kwan arrived on time and sang the first two singles from his "In Progress". I was so worried that his voice might actually break when he tried to hit those high notes but he managed to make it through all of them effortlessly.

Then it's time a game. The hostess wanted 6 people to go on stage to confess their love for Kenny Kwan. Sounds easy. Since guys are allowed, I put my hands up and in my head, I was screaming, "Me!! Me!! Me!! Me!!" Then the hostess went: "You~! The guy at the back!" In my head, the voiceover immediately turns into: "Oh shit! Fuck! Really? Me?! What am I going to say to him?!"

"Really?! I'm supposed to go on stage to talk to Kenny Kwan?!" I could barely walk straight as I make my way up the stage. When I saw him standing so close in front of me... it was like I died and went to heaven. He's so fucking gorgeous up close! I can't believe that I still get star-struck after all those years with Cinema Online and meeting so many celebrities for one-on-one interviews!

On stage, I was dead nervous. Waiting for my turn, I was struggling hard to think of something intelligent to say. At the same time I was trying to calm myself down, telling myself that I've done this hundred times. This is not the first time I talk to a HK celeb. I can do this. But when it comes to my turn, all I could think of was: "Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh Shit!"

When I walked up to him and looked him in the eyes, I lost it. His eyes! His smile! He's so freaking hot! My mind's a blank. I don't know what to say. All I could remember was: He was looking at me, smiling. I was trying very hard to swallow fast and refrain myself from drooling in public. The voiceover in my head went: "Fuck it! Just talk to Kenny Kwan! Screw the world! Say whatever that comes to mind!"

I knew I have to say something smart. So I took a deep breath and went: "People always say action speaks louder than words, if all these people are not around, I would definitely kiss you!" Great! I just told one of the person that I would like to meet most in my life that I wanted to kiss him in public!

The voiceover in my head went: "Good job, Jess! You get to speak to Kenny Kwan and this is the smartest thing can you come up with?! What a dumbass!" At that point, I knew I wasn't gonna win, but I really didn't care. I was already too high to think straight. I just told Kenny Kwan I wanted to kiss him! How many guys dare to say that in public?! (Oh God… I hope no one who knows me was there!)

After the game, Kenny Kwan sang three more songs and took a couple of group shots with the fans before proceeding with the autographing session. (See if you can spot me in the pictures below. Click to enlarge.)

As most of our Boy'Z and Kenny Kwan memorabilia were locked away safely in our hometown, we only managed to get him to autograph our "In Progress" CD, his promo poster, the "In Progress" photo album... OH!!! OH!!! OH!!! And I also get to touch him!!! Wheee!!! Definitely the best weekend I've had so far this year!

One down, five more to go! =D

- jessism © 20082007 -

Phone Sex

2007-08-09T15:45:00.000+08:00

Some of you out there might remember the fact that jess doesn't like his number being given out to total strangers, especially those who sells insurance, gym packages and Christianity.

Recently, someone have been giving out my numbers once again. I received an sms last Wednesday evening from the number 016-6202347, with the message: "Phone sex now?"

Yes, a remarkably interesting question. A question not even my ex-boyfriends dare ask of me, I am now getting it from a total stranger. Kenny, who was with me when I got the sms, asked me to call the person. But I wouldn't want to mislead the bugger into thinking that I am going to do it with him. So I text the bugger back and asked: "Who are you?"

He never replied.

Just when I thought that the nightmare is over, I got a reply from 016-6202347 the next morning. "I am plu too is 1 ppl frm irc give ur number 2 me. 2day i offday."

Now I'm pissed more than curious. I haven't been on MIRC for ages, so who the heck that has a grudge on me so badly that he/she is thorowing my number out to strangers who wanted phone sex?! Next time, give it to people who wanted real sex, please! Don't you know that jess don't do phone sex?!?!

I chose to ignore the guy and chose not to reply.

At 5.26pm, I got another sms from the same idiot, who just can't seem to get the hint from the ignorance I have been showing him. "I so horny now. How abt u?"

"I'm very pissed right now and wanted to expose to the world what a horny bastard you are." How's that for an answer?!

Pissed to the max, no thanks partly to the 4bad day I was experiencing at work, I replied him. "Got pix?" Firstly, I wanted to see how this person look like. And just so I could use his picture to threaten him into telling me who the fuck gave him my number.

In less than 10 mins, I got an MMS from the fella. This is the picture he sent me of himself:
IS THAT WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR?!?! AND WHAT'S WITH THE BELLY HAIR?! URGH!! PLEASE GET A WAX OR SHAVE IT OFF YOURSELF, DUDE! AND NEXT TIME, IF YOUR POTENTIAL PHONE SEX TARGET ASK FOR YOUR PICTURE, PLEASE SEND A FACE PIX. DON'T YOU KNOW THAT WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR IS A MAJOR TURN OFF FOR GAY MEN?!

The thing is: I really don't get phone sex. I can understand those who have webcam sex cos you can see the person who is on the other end. But phone sex?! HOW?! It's not that you would know if the person on the other side is lying to you or not. For all you know, this person could have having a cup of tea while killing his/her time on the phone with you! So what's the point of doing it? At the end of the day you're still just pleasuring yourself anyway. So why waste your phone bill on something stupid? The way I see it, if you want something erotic, go get yourself off watching porn! At least you can see what the other person is doing while you pleasure yourself. And it's cheaper!

(P.S.: Whoever you are, I'm gonna need you to tell me who the fuck gave you my number so I can rip his/her heart out from his/her throat! In return, I would do you a favor by taking this picture of yours off my blog and remove your number from all the posters I made for you, which have your number and this underwear pix attached.)

- jessism © 09082007 –

Change

2007-08-02T14:54:00.000+08:00

What happens if you find out that you are dying of a terminal disease and you only have a month left to live?

OR

What happens if you know that all things are coming to and end? What would you do to make a difference?

I know you always read about this sort of question and you've answered it a billion times. BUT... what happens if it is really happening to you? Would you really do anything differently?

Humans are the strangest of living beings. We do not know how to cherish whatever we have until it's gone, or at least, in this case, 'until we know that it's going to be gone'.

With the craziness that's been going on in my life, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. "Would I do anything differently, if I were to be given another chance to relive it?" The most probable answer I would give is, "No." It's not to say that I wouldn't want to change everything, there are, trust me, some things in my life that I would want to make better, but thinking deeply into it, I realize that without those 'elements' in my life, would I still be the same person I am today?

Supposedly I stop my dad from beating up my mom when I was a kid. What could I do to prevent it? Call the cops? I was definitely too young to know what the heck "domestic violence" is. If relive this part of life and I did call the cops, yes, he might be sent away, and my mom will stop enduring the beating. But there might be a chain reaction to that part of my life: I would become the kid who called the cops. My father's side of the family, which already doesn't really like my mom, would, then, really hates my mom for it. My parents might get a divorce, or something like that…… I guess the possible chain reactions would be too long to be elaborated here. But my main point is, for me, life, as I knew it to be, wouldn't be the same anymore, if those changes were made.

Life is filled with unexpected twists and turns. It's the twists and turns, which make us who we are today. We live through those ups and downs to better ourselves and prepare ourselves for the future unknown. To change the "unexpected" turns and turn them into what we wanted it to be might just ruin the whole plan whatever the forces that be had planned for us. And it would certainly change who we are.

What happens if I know that all things are coming to an end? I would do my best to cherish the days I have left to do the things I wanted to do. I will not live any differently and I would continue to be who I am and enjoy the moment. After all, whatever that is meant to be, is meant to be. If the forces at work say it's time for you to go, it's time for you to go.

I see life as one of those never ending soap operas. It has its ups and downs and secrets and scandals going on throughout. How to make the best of things and live through it is completely up to us to decide.

Unlike a daytime soap opera; Life is, after all, unscripted.

- jessism © 02082007 -

Negarakuku

2007-07-30T12:25:00.000+08:00

Instead of spending time trying to improve the safety and clean up the streets of Johore, the government is now busy hunting for a web singer/blogger nicked Namewee, after his song, Negarakuku, hit Malaysia by storm.

The thing is I really don't get this! A couple of days ago, our government released a killer who cold bloodedly murdered a girl. Then there's report of the government arresting bloggers under the Official Secrets Act (OSA)! It really got me thinking of where our country s heading. We're turning 50 in less than a month. That's half a century!!! But instead of going for the better, our country is falling backwards! Criminals walk. Bloggers arrested. And now, even web singer is on the wanted list!!! Doesn't this look like what was happening when the communist were in charge? "Obey what we say, or die?" Only in this version, it's more like "obey, or go to jail for the rest of your life."

For those of you, who are still blur and unaware about the incident with Namewee, this is the lo-down. A Chinese dude from Muar, Johore, released the video of a song he wrote about Malaysia on YouTube and the government got pissed and now the dude is wanted. The irony is Namewee was recognized and even credited when he released his first hit, "Muar Mandarin", on YouTube years ago. But now, the government is denouncing him because he wrote a song about this country?!

The Song That Started It All...:

If you cannot understand Mandarin, this is the translation of Negarakuku:

[Main Credits]
2007 Visit Malaysia Year Theme Song
I Love My Country
Negaraku

Singer: Namewee
Original Track: Malaysia National Anthem
Rap Lyrics: Namewee
Composer: Namewee
Director: Namewee, Ah Lai
Editing: Namewee

[Video]
Check it out, yo, yo, yo.... Negaraku, Negarakuku.

I love my country
Only with a country you'll have a home, only then there'll be me, standing here with the ability to sing loudly
Don’t be afraid, even though I curse all the time, my song is just like durian: hard and spiky
If you dare to open it and look inside, you will see the truth within
It can stink or it can smell nice, depending on the type of nose you have

Our police are called "Mata" because they have very sharp eyes
When every New Year comes they'll be working extra hard, holding pens, but they will rarely give you a ticket
Because they are very thirsty and they need to drink tea or even black coffee
Want to add sugar?
If you add sugar, their mouths will be very sweet and smile at you, when you're leaving, they will even go "tata"

Negaraku, tanah tumpahnya darahku, rakyat hidup bersatu dan maju.

This phenomenon doesn't need any improvement, neither does it need strengthening
The police and the people working close together with just a cup of coffee to keep our relationship temperate
I like that very much, at least I won't go home with a ticket
My dad would sure be pissed off and I'll be fucked up
With no car to drive what can I do? This is too much!
Without a car, how do I go out and have fun?
Without a car, how do I have outdoor sex?
Without a car, how do I go see transvestites?

This country, I love it very much
Every 5am, there's even morning call to wake me up
Sometimes a few of them will sing together, it's like a love duet
With their voice ululating it's like R&B
Even though sometimes they sing out of tune, even though sometimes they even sing until their voices break
Sometimes the sound might sound like cockerels, but they wake up earlier than cockerels
Just so that we can know the time and get ready for school and work

Don't blame the government for only taking care of the Bumiputeras
Don't complain that we do not receive equal rights
Because only this way we can prove that we Chinese are not afraid of hard work
Only this way we can train ourselves to find solutions during hard times
Don't feel weird about their standards because this only shows that we are capable
Without the special treatments our children won't be spoilt and become too dependant
Don't believe? Just look and see! There are still some who are not weaned off breast-feeding

Rahmat bahagia, Tuhan kurniakan. Raja kita selamat bertakhta.

Those who hide in government departments are even better
Whatever they do, they do it slowly
Even when people who are queuing are already cursing "CHAU CIB@I!", they are still free and easy, they don't care
Sometimes they even bring their cakes out
When they eat their nyonya cakes, you will still have to queue up
Even if you really do curse "CHAU CIB@I!", it's ok, because the guard on the side is always daydreaming, he won't bother you

They wrap their heads up; slowly walk, slowly cross the road
When you drive pass, you have to be careful and let them pass through
The most important thing is to live happily and comfortably
Don’t be like the Chinese, working so hard very day, stressing themselves out
We cannot NOT admire this kind of spirit because this is their attitude in life

In this song, I only say good things
I believe those of you who are pissed at me will disagree
The world is peaceful, full of hope, no one is hurt, and there are no riots
You are classy, you are elegant, your shit is fragrant and you don't curse
You guys are high class, every day is all about romancing and listening to songs by Michael Wong
But the guy has already feld to Taiwan

It's very tough for private school graduates to get into local universities
But actually we don’t have to be pissed about this
It is actually government's very noble planning
They want us to explore the world, to find new opportunities
To learn things, then come back and repay the country
This is plan is so great, I can't criticize it
Around the world you can see Malaysia's children, it's as though they are refugees, ain't it fun?

Malaysia is having Visit Malaysia Year in Year 2007
The Chinese culture is brought out and paraded but the government doesn't even care about private school students
The certificate can be thrown into the dump
Just like me, graduated and went to Taiwan, learn new things and get ready to return home to repay my country

I stood on the streets of Taipei with my guitar but my mouth still sings:
Rahmat bahagia, Tuhan kurniakan. Raja kita Selamat bertakhta

Jessism On Negarakuku:
This song is sarcastic but one really can't deny that his R&B version of "Negaraku" is superb and his song holds truth. Malaysia is plagued with police that would block and extort money out of innocent drivers at times. I'm sure I'm not the only one in Malaysia who experienced this before! And of course, there's the ever-going debate about the university quota. The so-called Bumiputeras were given a very higher percentage, while other races in the country were given a very low entrance percentage. Malaysia kept stressing on "satu negara, satu bangsa", but they are the one who are practicing the biggest discrimination nationwide. If we are really "satu bangsa", as they say we are, why not abolish the university quota? Why not given all Malaysians a 5% discount when buying properties? And stop calling Malays the "Bumiputeras"!!!

The government sector? Who are we trying to kid?! They are slow, inefficient and a waste of taxpayers' money! If they could work a tad bit faster, be friendlier, and get their job done right, this song wouldn't even be online in the first place! As for security guards? I think whether they're there or not really doesn't make any difference! They are always old uncles who can't even finish a 100m run, or men who are so fat they can't even finish a 100m walk!!

The thing with private school graduates is also true. Their certificate is as good as nothing! With the absurd quota the government set, students with good results are not able to get into good universities, as the place were already taken up by idiots who failed their exams but were given a spot in the university because of the government's stupid quota! No wonder most Chinese families sent their children to countries such as Singapore or Taiwan to further their studies and most chose not to come back. Even our own local singers have to flee to countries like Taiwan to establish their careers!

Jessism On Malaysia: A Conclusion
Our government kept stressing that one shouldn't abuse the freedom of speech. But the thing is: If you haven't done of the things that people said you did, why worry?! I'm really puzzled why the government aren't spending their time trying to make Johore a better place to live in but spending their time releasing cold blodded killers on to the streets and wasting their time on songwriter who writes the truth?!

I love this country. But until the day the government stop running this country like a communist, stop the racial discrimination and admit their mistakes, this nation will never be able to reach the "satu negara, satu bangsa" thingy they wanted… Then again, are we really that stupid to see that it is just an empty promise that the government will never make come true?!

All I can say is: Everyone who are born in Malaysia are Malaysians! Bumiputeras, or not, we deserve the right to be treated equally!

- jessism © 30072007 -

Test Result

2007-07-25T16:55:00.000+08:00

I know everyone's been very anxious to know about this for weeks. Since I was too busy with my magazine deadline, and with the drama that is going with my life, my hands are tied.

I got my blood test result back th day after my birthday, cause Kenny thinks that it's bad luck to get a bloody result back on the day of your birthday.

Getting the test was nerve wrecking. I think the girl behind the counter had her share of fun of making me wait for ages while she took her own sweet time to go through the computer and print out my test result. Yes, it's the wonderful world of information technology where all information are available online. I suddenly remembered "The Net" - if some crack-head hacker would want to screw up my life, all the person needs to do is just change my test result and I'd be on my way to eternal damnation.

Anyway, back to my story: The counter girl took her own sweet time to print out the test result, went back into her office to look for a folder, comes back out, and did God-knows-what for close to an hour or so... Ok, so I'm exaggerating, it ain't that long, it was probably about 5 to 10 minutes. But it sure felt like forever while I was waiting! ~~Two hours~~ Right after she was done with all the whatever-the-heck-she-was-doing, she came to me and told me that she's going to explain my test result for me.

Finally! My results!

Before I go on, I definitely have to share that I truly think that this girl has talent to be a game show or reality show host! If any of you out there reading this is a TV producer, and is looking for someone to host your show, look no further! Go to the BP Lab in Sea Park!

After sitting down with me, she took my application slip out and went: "This is the list of test you took. Your test is for yada, yada, bla, bla... and your payment is *bleep* *bleep*..." For a moment there, I felt like I was on a hospital version of "America's Next Top Model" with Tyra about to tell me that I fail in one of my blood test result: "You took 13 tests and today one of it, you fail. Which one is it?! We'll be back after the break." At that point, I really feel like slapping her and snatch the result over. Thank god she managed to get to the test result before I liak-kong (Translation: Go bonkers).

According to the result, I surprisingly pass all basic tests. My blood count are close to normal, mostly missing by one point where the numbers should be. My liver and kidney are functioning well, thank god! Free from all types of hepatitis, but since I don't have the antibody for it, I was advised to take the shot. And then she turned to me. With a smile, she said, "It also says here that your cholesterol level is slightly higher than normal. But don't worry, just watch what you eat."

Cholesterol level "slightly higher than normal"?? Slightly?! How can it be "slightly"?! It's either it's high or it's not, right?! And how can I not worry. I have a family history for crying out loud!

While all the OS was going on in my head, the girl went on. I didn't exactly catch what she said after that. I only heard her saying that I'm STD-free. That was a relieve! Then came the most crucial one: HIV. I know I haven't been sleeping around with different partners but with my prone to accidents and cuts everywhere I go... one wouldn't know. Like I said, the girl has a potential of being a game show host. the minute we got there, she started going all mysterious, as if I can't read the report saying that it's "Non-Reactive". She started attempting to explain to me what the heck is HIV, as if the rest of the world haven't already known, where she stuttered her way through it and blush every now and then. In the end, I couldn't stand it and told her I know what HIV is and ugred her to get on with the result.

The morale of this story? Go get your blood tested at your family clinic. Yes, it's a bit expensive, but at least you can avoid facing an annoying game-show host wannabe who stutters away while trying to tell you what's NOT wrong with you.

- jessism © 18072007 -

Puzzle

2007-07-17T15:21:00.000+08:00

[Note: What you are about to read might sound like a summary for the Malaysian version of "Melrose Place".]

Darrel once said that I am absurdly patient when it comes to love. Why absurd? Because I am able to look pass all the shitty things they do and forgive them for it, even if the bugger is in the wrong. You know what? He's right! I'm an idiot when it comes to relationship! I'll give the person my everything and hope that he does the same for me but in the end, I just ended up getting hut by the said person. Although I always say that I will not let anybody change me, I will still try to change myself for him.

Being in a relationship with Kenny for the past ten months really helped train my patience and control my temper. But like I always say: Just know that I'm a very patient person; don't try to test it.

Honestly, it's been a very crazy month. Work is not going all too smoothly, boss is giving me crap, magazine deadline was two days ago and the designers are still not done with the designs... But something kept me going: Kenny, after all the drama we went through in June, got a job in KL and moved in with me on the 8th of July. The week started out great. It's good to have someone to go home to everyday. Since he was out of a job for almost a month prior to this, him and his car are practically living off me these days.

Because it's Kenny's first day at work on Monday, I thought it would be nice to have a hearty dinner with him on Sunday evening, so we went to the Kuchai Lama Food Court and I ordered a table full of food – enough to feed 5 people, or more. Just when we are about to reach the dinner place, Kenny told me that Lilian will be catching the 12am bus over. When I asked why, he said that she's here to help him dye his hair. I didn't say anything. I just nodded and said ok. Lilian got to KL at 5am in the morning. Kenny and I dragged our sleepy arses out of bed and went to get her at Puduraya. She came, helped him do his hair, I went back to sleep. When Kenny woke me up, it was already 8am.

I messaged Kenny early in the morning to see how he's doing on his first day of work and all, and when he got off work, he stopped by my office to tell me how great his day at work was and even offered to send me home everyday, since our working hour ends almost about the same time. Happy? I felt like I'm the happiest man in the world. Yes, it's so very easy to make Jess happy.

Since Lilian got here early in the morning, her stuff were in my room. So after dinner, she followed me and Kenny back to my apartment to get her stuff and proceeded to ask Kenny to escort her to Verlyn's apartment block. I offered and asked if Kenny wanted me to accompany him and he said no. Since we haven't really slept the night before, I went straight to bed after they left.

Kenny woke me up around midnight. He was clearly sobbing when he crawled into bed. He then asked me if I really love him. I didn't answer the question. I had to ask him what happened for a couple of times before he asked me if I knew about him and Lilian. I said no.

I always knew that there was something going on between him and Lilian. When we first started our relationship, he asked if I would mind him having a very good girlfriend around and I said no. After all what are fag hags for? But ever since our relationship started, I began to notice that Kenny pays more attention to her and hangs out with her more than ever. Almost anything simple that I had to ask Kenny again and again, Lilian can get him to do it within a second. Whenever she's around, Kenny refuses to hold my hand, giving me the excuse that Lilian doesn't like him doing it in public. But whenever Kenny is with me, all we did was hold hands everywhere we went and we even kissed in public! So? Why do we have to hide it when Lilian's around?! The public never complained. Why is she?! Even my friends starting to doubt that she and Kenny are just "close friends", but I shrugged them off.

Kenny started explaining that when he broke off with me in June, he went out with Lilian, with hope that he would really fall for her and eventually turn straight. Realizing shortly after breaking up with me that he is unable to do it, Kenny begged for me to return to him, promising me that he will never ever do anything so stupid again. Of course, I didn't knew that he really did date her then. We spoke on the phone the whole night while I was in Genting. Then I asked if Lilian's parents knew that they were together and he said, yes. He told me that they found out "a few months ago". "A few months ago?! Didn't you just say that you two just started when we broke up in June?!" He kept quiet. I asked him a lot of questions. How he would feel if he were to be in my shoes? Would he forgive me? He said no.

We fought for about an hour about this. Then I saw my phone, which was on silent mode, ringing. It was Lilian. I answered. She asked how are things going with me and Kenny. And I said, not good. I really need to talk to her. So I asked for her to meet me by the pool and left the room.

We sat at the veranda near the pool and talked for more than 2 hours. It was the longest time I've ever spent talking to her. I found out that Kenny has been seeing her without my knowledge since December last year. Kenny even spent Valentine's Day with her and even took her for Valentine's Day dinner, when he told me that he was going home for dinner. He even got her a huge bouquet of her favorite flowers and a pair of platinum earrings! Me? I was alone in my JB home eating economy rice!!! Just that alone is enough for me to slap him silly and kick him out of the house!

She then proceeds to tell me that Kenny told her that it's her he loves. To make things worse, she told me that Kenny said that he's just using me. My heart sank straight to the bottom of the ocean. Is this is the same guy who I ordered imported DVD for during Christmas? Is this is the same guy that I spent all my savings when I was out of a job to buy him a wallet he was longing for for Valentine's Day? Is this the same guy who once gave me a lot of sweet memories? Heck, I don't even know if he's really the same guy I knew back in September last year!

She then asked when was the last time the two of us had sex. I told her: yesterday. She then told me that Kenny had told her that he hasn't had any relation with me since March, and that he has been giving me excuses not to do it. I am definitely certain those condoms-consuming five-times-a-night sessions for the past months are real!

In the end, we decided it's time we both talk to him and get the facts straight. We went back upstairs, woke him up and got to talking.

Apparently, since I wasn't supposed to know anything about their relationship, dealing with me was a walk in the park. But with her, he spun 101 lies. With the two of us there, he couldn't lie anymore. We ripped whatever that he was hiding from us into pieces. While we were doing this, all he could do was sit there quietly. When we were done, he told us that all the while, he wanted to go back on the straight path, because he doesn't want to disappoint his parents. So when I had a fight with him in December, his relationship with Lilian got closer and they eventually got together, without my knowledge. Both of them hid this from me.

I'm really what was going through his mind when he was consoling me, when i hit depression in January. Did he do it because he really loves me? Or did he do it out of guilt?

When I got the job offer in KL and was about to move, he told me that he would help me move. But it ended up that it was Verlyn who took time off work and helped me move. I can now clearly see what he busy with then. When I left JB, I cried my eyes out. My landlady was out of town, and my boyfriend didn't even send me off. I took a cab to the bus terminal and got myself a one-way ticket out of town.

I thought that things are definitely going to be over for the both of us. I can't remember what happened but Kenny and I got closer towards the end of April. And for Labors Day, I went back to JB to see him, as well as visit my landlady. My dear landlady was kind enough to offer me a place to stay but since I got there late I stayed over at his place during the first night but Lilian was told that I was never at his place. At the time they were already a couple. Even Kenny's parents knew about this. When Greg, Verlyn, Kenny, Lilian and I went clubbing that weekend, Kenny was supposed to send me back but it ended up that Greg sent me back because Kenny told me that he was drunk and couldn't drive and insisted that Lilian drove her home, which usually it was me who is the designated driver. I was pissed that night. I now found out that apparently, Lilian forbids him to send me back that night. And after I kissed Kenny goodnight, I was told that Lilian wiped his lips clean, saying that it's for "sanitary purposes".

I stopped going to JB in after May because of Kenny's decision to break up with me and I didn't notice this until someone told me that Kenny posted a blog entry about me. On June 10, I guess he couldn't handle the silence anymore, Kenny smsed me. So I called him to see if he's ok, which he obviously isn't. But still, he never mentioned that he wanted to get back together until 15 June, when I went to Genting with a friend of mine.

*****************************

When asked of what was really going through his mind, he told us that when he broke up with me, he really meant the words he said, that he didn't want to hurt me anymore. Soon after breaking up with me, he realized that he couldn't swing for the other party, so he begged for forgiveness and got back with me.

He told us that he wanted to break it off with Lilian the minute we got back together but didn't have the guts to do it. Because he felt that he was using Lilian all along and really didn't know how to face her with the truth. So days turned into weeks and into month, and there we were. Lilian is dead pissed at Kenny for lying to her all these while. I am raging mad at hime for suddenly going bi-curious, when he kept saying that he despise bisexuals! (Of course, I am also angry of the fact the cheated on me with another!)

Piecing the puzzle together, my conclusion was that whether I like to admit it or not, I love this selfish prick! There is no guarantee that he won't go behind my back again and there certainly is no guarantee that we will be able to be together forever. At this time, I ask: What would Darrel do? Darrel would probably rip off his head, put it in a juice extractor, boil the brain juice and feed the pulp to pigs, before chopping his body into pieces and use it as zoo animal food. Then again that's Darrel.

As much as I would want to lift my hand and slap him, I couldn't. Heck, I can't even remember when I last slapped anyone. I wanted to chase him out of the house so badly but I really don't have the heart to do it. Melvin said that I'm too kind. Am I? I'm not even sure if this is an act of kindness, sympathy, or love. Although I don't know how many days of this 10-month relationship did he really love me, but I do know that prior to finding all these out, I really do love him with all my heart.

Does he still deserve to be loved? No.

Do I still love him? Yes.

Should I give him another chance? I'm not sure... and I don't know. I'm really don't want to be hurt again at the end of the day.

Blood Test

2007-07-02T18:31:00.000+08:00

It's been ages since I did my last full fledge blood test. I think the last one was about 3 to 4 years ago? Yeah, it's been that long!

Now you're all probably wondering what the hell is wrong with me. To be honest, there is NOTHING wrong with me. If I'm not mistaken every healthy person should get a proper medical check up about every 6 to 12 months? You know what they say about early detection. Since my family has a history of cancer, diabetes and high blood pressure, the more reasons for me to get my check up.

Watching my fasting time closely, I skipped my regular habit of having supper on Saturday night and went straight to bed. Jess being Jess, I overslept. I was supposed to head to the clinic early in the morning but when I got up it was already 11am. By the time I got done washing up and reach BP Lab, it was almost 12pm.

When I approached the girl at the counter, I told her that I wanted to do a complete blood test. Then she asked me which one. How many "complete blood tests" are there?! She then showed me two different charts, which looks a lot like menu of a cheap restaurant – the kind that they laminated the A4 printout and are already old and dog-eared.

She proceed to explain that the most commonly done test is something call "Profile D", which they give a full blood picture, liver function test, screening for Hepatitis B, as well as blood group screening and etc. Sounds like the one I wanted. Then she took out the other chart and continued on. "These are optional screenings for cancer, STD, HIV and Hepatitis A and C." Since when screening for five different types of cancer, STD, HIV and Hepatitis A & C become optional?!

Since the list is coded with analyte, she began explaining to me which is which and why should I take those "optional" tests. Something about CEA, PSA, CA12-5, CA15-3, which sounds to me like some secret CIA nuclear code. Then she came to HIV and then she paused for a bit. Not knowing what to say about it, and thinking that I'm some idiot who wouldn't know what that is, she went: "If you're sexu..." and then she stopped. I'm guessing that she wanted to say: if you're sexually active??? Yes I am. So?

When I looked up, her face was red. What the...? Doesn't she do this everyday?! Why still blush?! She then went, "oh, you know. It's a test for AIDS." Well, duh!!

At that point, I was thinking since I'm going to lose 10cc of blood anyway. I might as well do everything at one go instead of coming back again to lose another 10cc of blood later down the road. So, I decided to take all the "optional" tests and I'm now waiting for my results.

To be honest, I'm dead nervous. Not to say that I had unprotected sex or anything. But it's all about the what ifs. What if I tested positive for Hepatitis? What if my blood count comes back low again? Will I get high cholesterol count since I haven't been watching what I ate lately? All these will be revealed this weekend!

Do wish me luck!

Buses

2007-06-30T11:35:00.000+08:00

Buses. The most common public transport here in Malaysia. Definitely a better alternative compared to the taxi cabs, which takes you for a joyride and charge you a bomb for it. Ever since I was a kid, the first thing that my mom tought me about public transports is how to take the bus, and most importantly – always remember to thank the driver/conductor when you alight. I know, it sounds like an American/Mat Salleh thing to do, but it's a form of courtesy! But unfortunately, the chances of us Malaysians thanking our bus drivers is close to zero. Even in Singapore I've seen people thanking the drivers. But in Malaysia? No.

As times goes by, conductors are now being replaced by cash/card machines. Now buses only have one driver and that's about it. The frequency of me taking buses also decrease. I have to admit, sometimes I would just alight the bus without thanking the driver. Yes, sometime, I forgot about it. But sometimes, I just chose not to. But can you blame me? It's not that we Malaysians are rude or anything. Sometimes the drivers really don't deserve to be thanked!

Ever since I move back to KL three months ago, I've been taking the Rapid Kl buses quite frequently. RM2 for a one-day pass sounds reasonable doesn't it? During the weekend, I always got on to this bus that an old uncle drove. From my observation, the uncle greeted almost every boarding passenger with a smile or a nod, which gave me the impression of: WOW! The service has really improved big time! It kinda reminded me a lot of Australia. Everytime I see that uncle, I would definitely scream a loud thank you before I alight.

Anyways...

Yesterday, having a k-date with Melvin, Kim, David, and Verlyn at Sg Wang, I left work right on the dot. Went home to shower and headed out to catch a bus over. I think it was around 6.35pm, or so, when the bus arrived. Everything started out fine. It is the first time I actually see Malaysians queuing to get on a bus instead of the usual pushing and shoving! As we got on the bus, people started showing their tickets to the driver and got on. When it came to me, I was the first to have to pay. So I dunk all my coins into the box and waited for the driver to issue me and ticket. Instead, the driver was staring fiercely at me and went: "How much did you put in there?!" Normally, I wouldn't mind a question like this, but the dude was almost screaming at me.

"Two ringgit?" The guy then proceeds to ask me in a very rude manner: "How can I be sure?! If didn't see how much you put in! That doesn't count!" I'm like, what the fuck?! For those of you who took buses previous, you should know that after you slot the money in, there is a transparent plastic that the driver can see the money that is put in. And this guy was just being a prick! He then asked me to: "I can't give you a ticket. I can't be sure! Go to the back first!"

I swear to god, I almost screamed out the F-word!

Since there were other people behind me and passengers who boarded the bus earlier were already starring at the hoo-haa that was going on. I obliged. I really didn't know what to do then. I paid for my ticket but I wasn't issued any ticket! Since I don't have any small change left on me, I was really pissed and worried at the same time.

More passengers boarded from the same stop. Then another commotion happened. A girl boarded with a RM5 note. Since the person before her didn't exactly slot their RM1 note in very well, you could still see the note hanging out a little. The girl in a very polite manner told the driver that she needed a RM1 change for her RM5 note, as there were two of them. At this point, anyone sane would know to take the RM1 note that was hanging on the slot, give it to her and move on to the next passenger. What the driver did instead was he shoved the RM1 note in every offensively and shouted at the girl. "No change!" At this point, everyone in the bus was already giving a what-the-fuck look at the driver. The girl looked lost. Very lost, in fact. In my mind, the whole thought I had about KL buses had their service improved just went straight down the drain!

At the next stop, another incident happened. I was still standing close in front, so I noticed everything. A group of people came up and this time, a guy boarded with two RM5 notes and he wanted to pay for four people. The driver could've handled this in a very polite manner but again, he fucked it up. The guy, which I think is a foreigner (probably Indon or Pilipino), passed the two notes to the driver and told him that it's for four person and wanted change. The driver, shoved the notes in the slot, and told him "tarak tukar!" (No change!)

He then proceeds to add: "Kalau you nak tukar, tunngu orang lain naik baru ambik kat dia orang! Pergi masuk dalam!" (If you wanted change, wait for other people to board and get it from them! Now go inside!)

Is that even the way they were trained to say?! Isn't it their job to collect the change from other boarding passengers and pass it instead of asking someone to stop passengers from slotting in money?!

At that point, I was really pissed. All I wanted to do is to call someone to complain about this asshole's attitude! But there weren't any number stated anywhere, which I could call. Then my pissed-off-writer mode sets in. You don't fuck around with a writer and gets away with it!

The minute I got off the bus, I took a picture of the bus' car plate number and wrote a complain email to Rapid KL!

The dude is probably having a bad day, or lacking sex. Whichever it is, you are still not allowed to take it out on the passengers! We are paying for the service and we do expect at least some courtesy out of it, if not great driving skills. The dude drove as if everyone on the road cursed his mother, or raped his sister. He honked. He cursed. Thank god there weren't any Mat Salleh on board to witness all this. I could only imagine what they are going to tell their friends and family when they get back. "Malaysian bus drivers are very rude and reckless!"

I really do hope this asshole gets punished! Someone should put this bastard through anger management or revoke his license... or both!

- jessism (c) 30062007 -

Closet

2007-06-28T17:43:00.000+08:00

I got out of it years ago. The thing is, I once promised myself that I would not date someone who is still in it, as I foresee the circumstances and problems that would arise. But this is Malaysia. Who's in and who's out anyway? So far, after all these years, I only met ONE (1) person who is man enough to tell his parents that he's gay. Worse, he's the only son! Did the parents disown him? No. That's besides the point. My point is, what are the odds of me finding and dating one who is not in the closet?

Dating someone who is still in, I slowly see that my speculations are not exactly speculations after all. They're all true.

Talking to a friend, who is still in the closet, I asked him why didn't he come out to his parents. The answer I got was that "it is not easy to see your parents getting hurt." But it's ok if the person is your other half?! I really don't get it. Over and over again, I felt like I was an outsider in this relationship. Since his family will never even find out that we are a couple, my existence will never be acknowledged. But that's not all, whenever it comes to choices, I will always hold the lowest of all priority. Since my parents were informed of long ago, the person I date doesn't have to go through the stress and awkwardness that I'm going through. The thing that ticks me off the most was his closeted identity seems to always be the reason for him not being able to do the simplest of things for me. (It's either that or his family.) Not only am I starting to feel that I am under-appreciated, I also felt like a mistress.

I know most gay relationships are like this. But I didn't work so hard to come out of my closet to live a life that is as though I never came out in the first place. Shouldn't the happiness between the two of us be more important than that constant living in fear?

My friend told me his solution was "to move to other city, try not to stay with family, and give thousand of excuses not to get married." So if the solution is so easy, why can't this person see it? Sigh... Why must all things be made so complicated?

Abstinence?!

2007-06-27T12:41:00.000+08:00

Picking up The Star paper during lunch, I came across an interesting article. Here's what it is about:

Pledge Of Honour
More young people are having sex, and starting earlier, too. One group is out to stop this trend.

Stories by S.S. YOGA

VIDEO is a powerful medium especially for the younger generation. They are, after all, the MTV generation, who have been raised on a diet of quick, punchy infotainment. And everyone knows that they would more readily listen to their peers than their parents or other adults, who may come across as being preachy.

Joshua Liong: ‘Our message is one of abstinence.’

[The minute that "a" word is mentioned, you've lost your targeted readers! And I've probably lost 50% of my readers!]

So, if a Malaysian teenager or young adult were to hear another youth (albeit an American) talking about his personal experience on video, it would have more impact, right?

And that experience could be about physical intimacy – as the video shown is part of a No Apologies workshop facilitated by Focus on the Family (FOTF). FOTF was founded in the United States in 1977. FOTF Malaysia was set up in 1988. The No Apologies programme was established in the United States in 1998 and took off in this country in 2003, with a youth group in Petaling Jaya being the first batch of workshop participants.

“We started out with colleges – and we are still active in some of them – where it is part of the curriculum. Our message is one of abstinence. Before the video (is shown), we explain what certain key words that keep coming up mean, as viewers might not be familiar with them. Words like abstinence, STD, pre-marital sex,” explains FOTF Malaysia’s curriculum manager, Joshua Liong Ta Shing.

[The words that Joshua Liong needs to be exposed to: SEX and ONS! And a famous video genre: 'porn'.]

In a nutshell, the programme advocates abstinence from sex, until marriage. Programme participants pledge to say nobye to sex till marriage and to remain faithful to their marriage partner.

[Another word they need to learn: DIVORCE. And something certain religion allows: POLYGAMY. Besides, what's going to stop a hormone raging teenager from havig sex? Are they going to put on a chastity belt on all the participants and throw away the keys? Or promote self-pleasuring over having sex? Also, what's going to happen when this group of people who took the pledge broke it?! It's not like the others in the group is going to know about it! Even if they do, so what?! Are they going to get the penis off, or pour cement into the vagina?!]

According to Liong, participants comes from various backgrounds, religions and races. (The programme does not touch on religion but stresses the consequences of not taking the pledge.) FOTF was commissioned by the Education Ministry to conduct the workshops in schools. There are also workshops for colleges and other community or social groups.

[So what ARE the consequences?! Why is it not mentioned here?! Is it just me or does something really smell fishy here?]

For the latter, the programme module has not changed much since its inception, although there are now seven instead of six units. The workshop is conducted over two days, and participants are charged a nominal fee. For schools, the workshop is condensed into six hours and conducted on a normal school day.

“No parents are allowed to accompany their children while the workshop is being conducted. Initially some parents were not comfortable with that so we explained that if they were there, their children might not be comfortable and (would) not open up and be honest about their feelings and expectations,” reveals Liong.

[Are they going to do a mass hypnosis on the participants or something like that? Or brainwash them?]

The course workbook is available in three languages: Bahasa Malaysia, English and Chinese. It is used at the workshop to gauge the participants’ response to various situations.

[Course workbook?! You have got to be kidding me!! What is the workbook going to be filled with?! Pictures of how people NOT have sex?! Or instructions on how to pleasure yourself when you have an urge for sex?! I can just visualize it! An anti-Kama Sutra!]

“Sex can be defined in many ways by different people, so we help them understand what it all means and the impact of having sex before marriage, and the consequences. We look at pregnancies, and sexually transmitted diseases, with focus on HIV and AIDS. We also say that using contraceptives is beside the point and that there is also a psychological and emotional price to pay. There is no such thing as ‘safe’ sex. We talk about peer pressure and self-respect, and how it’s better to say no to a boyfriend or girlfriend than to lose your self-respect,” adds Liong.

[Impact of having sex before marriage? More experience in bed and more control of ejaculation time (for men). It is also known as PRACTICE! Go get a dictionary, please!]

[Just when we are trying to fucking hard to promote safe sex, this idiot is out educating the youth of tomorrow about having "no such thing as safe sex"! Get a brain! Even people who abstain from sex can get HIV/AIDS! Things this idiot needs to learn: blood transfusion, drug addicts, needle sharing, born with HIV!!]

He says that they don’t use fear but give participants the facts and the skills to handle the issue. They also look at how movies and TV shows portray sex as part of the culture of youth and that it is acceptable.

Participants then undertake a lot of role-playing and use the new information in projects, such as poster making.

[Right... "role playing" at an abstinence group....]

While the programme does not discourage dating, its definition of dating is different from what is widely understood. “There should be not any form of physical intimacy, not even hugging or kissing, as that could lead to further physical affection. And we only encourage dating in groups, not as a couple,” states Liong firmly.

[So let me get this straight. You are allowed to date but there "should not be any form of physical intimacy"?! Is it just me who sees the potential of having an increase in sex crime?!]

[And what nonsense is this "dating" but NOT a "couple" thing? Are they promoting open relationship now?!]

At the end of the workshop, participants are given a pledge card (the size of a credit card). It has two portions: one for an adult to endorse and the other for the participant to keep.

Post-programme monitoring is not carried out but if participants have any problems, they are encouraged to contact FOTF.

[Do you know what this sounds like? A support group almost similar to SAA. Sexual Addicts Anonymous! That's what the participants from this group is going to join if they abstain far too long from sex!]

(The workshops are open to those aged between 12 and 24. For more information, visit FOTF’s website at XXXXXX.XXX.XX or call XX-XXXXXXXX. The FOTF is having a Youth Abstinence Walk today at Millenium Park in SS2, Petaling Jaya, Selangor, from 9.30am to 12.30pm. All are welcome to join in.)

Abstinence walk?!

A very wise friend of mine once told me that "it's NOT pre-marital sex if you don't plan to get married." And I so very totally agree with her! That's not pre-marital sex! It's call PRACTICE! What happens if you're too nervous during your very first "first time" and you have a premature ejaculation?! To prevent situations like this from happening, practice does make perfect!

Ash once told me that abstinence is just an excuse for people who can't get laid. So if the saying holds any truth in it, it means to say that this is just a group for a bunch of losers.

The thing with this abstinence nonsense is that there are tons of loopholes. Abstinence is NOT going to prevent STD and abstinence is definitely NOT going to prevent HIV/AIDS! Get a brain, people!

The way I see it, this is what going to happen to those who join this group:

Situation 1:
Since the group is joined by a bunch of hormone-raging teens, they are going to end up of screwing each other at the end of the day and break the pledge.

Situation 2:
Those who joined this group will soon regret taking the pledge and wanted out! The only thing is, they only tell yu how to join. The fine print of how you will never be able to leave the group is not clearly stated.

Situation 3:
The participants who take on the pledge, especially the guys, will end up being unfaithful bastards/sluts or sex addicts! Why? After pending up that much sexual energy, once they have the taste of the forbidden fruit, they are sure to want more. The next group I'm foreseeing that these people will join in the future: SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous).

Honestly, I don't see how this thing is going to work. It's really strange how the Malaysian government are approving this. A bunch youth who supposedly has NO sort of sexual experience whatsoever are allowed to gather and talk about sex without the presence of any adult?! Isn't this like the blind leading the blind?! Even if it's an "experienced" adult conducting the course, how "pure" is this person? You can't preach when you're not a follower, right? But how know do we know that this person is doing what he/she preaches?

I'm no virgin no more and the way I see it? Life is short. Live it! Don't waste time abstaining. For all you know, you might die tomorrow and regret not having the chance of doing "it". Live life without regret! Just remember to play it safe!

To end this posting, I'd like to quote a line from a Baz Lurhman movie:

"Vivir con miedo, es como vivir a medias!"
(life lived in fear is a life half-lived)

Coffee Hangover

2007-06-26T13:39:00.000+08:00

With deadline coming close every second and the work pressure building up. I decide that it would be wise to leave work on the dot while I could before OT week starts next week. So I left the office at 5pm sharp, and took a bus and went to Mid Valley and meet up with David, who was already there since lunch time! (Let's just put it this way: Whenever he's on leave, GSC makes big bucks!)

Since it's the last week "200 Pound Beauty" is showing, we decided to catch the 7pm show. (Magnificent movie! A definate must-watch!) When we got into the cinema hall, we couldn't believe our eyes. The hall is more than 90% full! The movie is about to end its run and it's still getting such great response! Can you believe it?!

After the movie, as we still have about 3 hours to kill before time for the last bus. The both of us headed to Coffee Bean for a drink and a quick gossip session. I dunno whether it's a gay thing, we managed to sit at Coffee Bean for more than 2 hours talking about... well... NOTHING! I dunno whether it's the coffee taking its effect on me, or what. I really don't remember much of what we talked about!

For those of you who doesn't already know. Coffee is like sleeping pill + alcohol to me. I can get knock out by a packet of mamak kopi-O ais for two days and wake up with a very bad hangover the day after. Since I wasn't getting much sleep for the past few days, I decided that a cup of Ice Blended Mocha would be able to help me sleep better. I really have no idea what I am getting myself into.

The session at Coffee Bean went by so fast, I felt like I didn't even have enough time to warm the chair up! Then it happened. As I was walking towards to he bus stand, I could feel that my head appears to be heavier than I used to be. While I was waiting for the bus at the bus stand, I was already leaning on a nearby tree. When I got on the bus I could barely get my eyes to stay open. When I got home, I quickly rushed into the washroom, brushed my teeth, took a quick shower and I don't really remember much of what happened after that.

I remember hearing the alarm on my phone ringing this morning super loud, as compared to any other morning. And I have a very bad headache. The world is still spinning around. I hit the snooze button and went back to sleep. When the alarm rang again, I really have the urge to throw the damn thing out of the window! I head felt like it was going to explode. I dragged myself out of bed, went into the washroom, took out my toothbrush, laced it with toothpaste, walked back out of the bathroom with a toothbrush in my mouth, and I went back to bed. Attempting to brush my teeth and sleep at the same time. (Kids, don't try this at home.)

The morale of this story? Don't try to brush your teeth while lying in bed. You ~~might~~ will choke on your toothbrush!

(Note To Self: No more coffee!...unless it's a Friday night.)

- jessism © 26062007 -

I'm Gay!

2007-06-22T17:25:00.000+08:00

For those of you who don't already know, here it is:

I
AM
GAY!

There! You've heard it from me! Happy now?! Just in case, for those of you who are still not clear:-

Yes, I REALLY am gay!

Yes, GAY! As in, the kind who have sex with other men.

No... I have not slept with another girl. And NO!! I don't intend to "do it" with one anytime in the near future, or ever!!

And girls, I'm GAY, which mean NOTHING will ever happen between us! So stop fantasizing about the day that you will be able to bend me the other way around! Let's put it this way: Fatty tissues on the chest just don't appeal to me as much as a sausage at the groin!

Yes, my parents know that I'm gay and they took the news quite well. Thank-you-very-much. They didn't freak and they didn't object to it. My mom even said that as long as I am happy, she'll be happy for me. (I love you, mom)

Yes, I have a boyfriend. I'm serious! I have a boyfriend! Not girlfriend?! Which part of the word "HOMOSEXUAL" don't you understand?!

Yes, I admit. As gay and out as I am, I sometimes chose not to disclose my sexual preference to some, especially those at my work place. The simple reason is because I think that my sexual preference has nothing to do with what I'm capable of. If a straight man can manage this position, so can I. The most important thing is: I do not wish for people who don't know me well to judge me based on my sexual preference before they get to know me as who I am, which most of my friends might tell you is worse than me being a homosexual.

I don't mean to sound so mean to anyone in this posting but I really need to get this out of my system.

Today, I was told by a friend that one of my ex-colleague is outing me to my other ex-colleagues. Worse part is, I'm not the only person she out! She proceeds to name some other gay colleagues I used to have there! Not that I mind about her outing me but the thing is: Yes, I am out and all, but not all of my friends are! (Don't ask me which of my friends are and which of my friends aren't. Unless they choose to tell you themselves, I have no intention of outing them for your knowing pleasure...)

This person used to be someone I thought I could trust. But not only did she betray me again and again, she's now stirring up something which is completely none of her business! So people in my previous workplace now know that we're gay! So what?!

Here's a message for her: MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS! You have no right to out anyone of us! If you can't fit in, get the hell out! Quit your fucking job! Betraying people's trust is NOT going to get you anywhere, biatch! So now the whole workplace knows that we're gay! Yay! What now?! Are they going to present you with the "MOST LIKELY TO BETRAY PEOPLE'S TRUST" award, or some shit like that?! Well, for your sake, they better be! Cause congratulations, you just lost a string of friends!

- An Agitated Homosexual ©22062007 -

Genting (III): Death Ride

2007-06-21T17:17:00.000+08:00

Jess can be pretty stupid at times. All my friends can tell you about it.

Forgetting that my friend drove us up to Genting, I woke up the next day regretting my decision. How am going to get down of Genting without getting on the Skyway?!

For those of you who don't already know, I have a serious case of acrophobia, so hanging on a wire in an enclosed space in mid air isn't exactly my kind of travel choice! But what else can I do? I can't just hike my way down Genting! On my way to the Skyway, I was praying hard for the mountain spirits to protect me and provide me a safe journey down. Here's a few facts about the Genting Skyway that you might not know of: According to its official website, the 3.38km journey from Gohtong Jaya all the way up to Genting takes only 11 minutes. Travelling at the maximum speed of 6 meters per second, the Genting Skyway is the fastest in the world! Here's an excerpt of what the site say about Genting Skyway:

TRULY A SKYHIGH EXPERIENCE

Feel your senses come alive when you ride the thrilling Genting Skyway up to Genting - City of Entertainment

As comforting as and exciting this might sound, my ride down from Genting felt like a "Fear Factor" moment. I shared the gondola with two other teenagers. The ride started out well. The kids were oohing and aahing about how beautiful every looked with the mist, while I watched Kylie's concert on my iPod, when it happened. All of us heard a weird and loud hum. Before I could look up to see what is going on, the whole gondola started to vibrate, as if an earthquake hit. The thing was over in about 15 seconds. I overheard one of the kid asking his friend what just happened and the friend said he doesn't know.

I tried not to think too much and tried my best to focus my attention back on Kylie. The kids started chatting again. Without any warning, the gondola suddenly vibrates again, this time, worse! The gondola started swaying! One of the kid uttered the forbidden phrase: "Is this thing going to drop?" "I don't know," said the friend. The gondola vibrated for a good 30 seconds (or more) but to me it felt like forever. We could feel that the vibe slowly fades away as the gondola moves on.

Just when we're still shocked by the swaying and the vibration, the radio suddenly comes on. "(static)come to Genting (static) (static) (static) please sit back and (static)joy the (static). If the (static)ops (static) (static) (static). We (static) you (static) (static)" All I could interprete the message into was: Welcome to Genting's Death Ride. Please sit back and enjoy the scare. If the gondola drops from the wire. We hope you die peacefully.

As if trying to reassure himself and his friend, one of them said, "I'm sure we're about to reach." I looked out the window and saw the we've reached the Gohtong Jaya horse ranch. The kid wasn't just saying it. We're safe at last! That was by far the scariest Skyway ride I had! I know we've all heard of scary Genting Skyway rumors that there have been cases where the gondola dropped and people were killed. But since a certain rich and powerful man owns the place, the news never hit the papers. I've had my doubts in rumors like that but after taking that ride, I believe it!

(Note to self: NO MORE Genting Skyway Ride! I'll rather hike up the hill than to have my life threatened this way!)

jessism © 21062007

Genting (II): Clausula

2007-06-21T17:05:00.000+08:00

Backing the timline to earlier that morning. Kenny called while I was still asleep. I couldn't remember what was the reason he called but he sounded surprise to find that I'm still in bed. I told him I took the day off so that I could go Genting with my friend. He didn't sound happy at all after hearing the news. It hurts to hear him that way but I've promised myself that I need to control my emotions before he makes a decision.

A few minutes later, I received an SMS from Kenny telling me that he was about to buy bus ticket to come see me in KL that very day and he was thankful that he learned about me going to Genting before he did that. My heart aches. But since my friend is already on his way from Singapore, and he already had this trip all planned out since the begining of the week, it would be rude to cancel on him. So I stuck to the plan and went to Genting with him.

On the way up, Kenny called again. He sounded clearly sad and down. At that point, I really wanted to drop everything and take the next bus out to see him. Even though Kenny didn't say that he wanted me back, and I wasn't up to anything no good, I felt like a cheating boyfriend. I started thinking if I should leave Genting early next morning.

Worried about Kenny, I text to check if he's alright and I learned that he's not happy with me going off to Genting with someone he doesn't know. At that point, I made up my mind to go back the next morning.

Not long later, I got an SMS from Kenny: Can I have my puppy back? I made a wrong decision. Can the mouse get his puppy back? I almost cried. Mouse promise won't simply dump puppy anymore cos mouse really need the puppy badly.

As reluctant my replies to him were, my heart kept telling me: If he changes his mind, it's all your fault! We continue messaging each other back and forth for the next few hours. Kenny called later that night, right after I finish paying respect to the spirits of the mountain. We talked on the phone for more than three hours and managed to get everything off our chest.

There was a time where I really don't get what the fuss was about when Renee Zellweger uttered that magic phrase in "Jerry Maguire". Now I do.

Genting (I)

2007-06-20T14:54:00.000+08:00

It's been ages since I last went to Genting. So when a friend offered to take me to the City Of Entertainment for the weekend, I agreed without even thinking twice about it. Since I was under the weather, I thought that it would be the chance for me to get away from things.

Genting, as I remembered it to be, is nothing but traffic jam, congested queue at the Skyway, and hours of wait before you can check in to the hotel. As I said, it's been ages since I last went to Genting. The trip from KL to Genting is faster than I remembered it to be. My friend and I left KL around 3pm, and there wasn't any jam on the way up. Everything was smooth. We even managed to check in by 5.30pm!

The thing with taking a trip with your friend is that you will manage to see their true colors. And my friend slowly reveals his. It took him almost half an hour and a lot of commotion behind the recption counter before we could get a room. He was polite enough to ask me to sit and wait for him while he checked us in, so I didn't exactly heard what was going on behind the counter. When we got to our room, I asked him about it and I was told that when he booked the room, he requested for a non-smoking floor but as the rooms are all full, we were given a room at a smoking floor. So he wasn't happy about it. Ok, this I can accept.

He then proceeded to ask me if I know that some of the rooms in Genting are haunted. I'm not sure if it's a ploy to get me hugging him tightly in the middle of the night or for the sake of conversation, I answered yes, but I didn't tell him that I could see them. Then he said that another reason why it took him so long during the check-in was because he asked to speak with the manager and requested for a room which is NOT haunted, saying that "they know" which room is haunted and which is not. (If I were to be the manager in charge at that very moment, I would purposely choose a haunted room alreday, at this point!) Happy that he got a room which is persumeably NOT haunted, he started bragging about how he would always do this (ie: requsted to be served by the manager in charged) everytime he comes to Genting. I started pumping the volume on my iPod up.

After putting our bags down, i was told that he had to rush over to Genting Hotel to help his friends check in, as they are driving down from Penang after work and are not able to reach Genting Highlands before the check-in time ends, which is fine by me. But instead of taking a few steps walk over to Genting Hotel for the check-in, he proceeds to pick up the phone and asked the reception to pass him to Genting Hotel's check-in and reservation counter. As I was busy taking in the scenery from the window, (see picture above, we can actually see the whole of Genting from that room), I overheard his phone conversation, which went a little bit something like this:

"Hi I'm name is So And So, I have a booking with you all. My world card number is XXYYYZZ. I'm at First World Hotel right now and I don't think I can make it over to check-in by X:XXpm. Can you help me hold the room?"

"Yes. But Can you please look into your computer system and check if that room is still avaialble. I don't want to walk all the way there and you guys telling me that the room is no longer there!"

"No. Just look into your computer and check first!"

And at that point, the person on the other side hung up on him, which I would also be doing the same if some prick called me on the phone and talk to me that way! He started complaining to me about the crappy service that he's getting and picked up the phone, asking for Genting Hotel once again. I got into the washroom, locked my self in, and pumped up the volume on my iPod. Two songs later, when I got out, the phone conversation was over. As we headed to check-in for his friends at Genting Hotel, I prayed hard that those people wouldn't give his friends a haunted room for the rude lecture my friend just gave them.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dinner, thankfully, went well without further drama. Since I don't usually bathe right after dinner, i told my friend that I wanted to go for a walk. Immediately, the dude suggested the casino! Walk? Casino?! Sigh... I told myself: since you're not paying a single cent for this trip, you're not allowed to complain, so I went along anyway.

The casino was a bore. People throwing chips on the betting table like it's rubbish, dealers happily raking in the 99% of the chips, countless number of people chain smoking; it's the perfect setting for a modern day opium house! I left my friend behind and snugged out of the casino 5 minutes later.

Genting has changed to much, even Ms Liberty and Sir Oscar are now permenant residece there! The indoor theme park is now bigger and looks much more interesting and safer than the seemingly poorly maintained outdoor rides. The air outside is comfortably cold, reminding me of my vacation in Australia.

Reeking of ciggratte smoke, I went back to the casino and asked to have the keys to the room. My friend already got himself a seat at the betting table and is reluctant to leave, so I went back alone for my shower. On the way back, I reminded myself that I haven't and should go pay respect to the spirits of the place after my shower.

Back in the room, as I was taking my shower and comtemplate whether to inform my friend that the room is not as clean as he thought it to be, one of them tried to play with the necklace I left on the basin and accidentally dropped it.

The guy deserves a lesson. So I decided to keep my mouth shut.

- jessism © 19062007 -

Clausula

2007-06-11T09:39:00.000+08:00

When I learned that I'm gay, and what that word actually meant, I thought the hardest part would be to come out to your friends and family. The of course there's the part on how the society would see you.

But I had it easy. Coming out to my family was a walk down the park. As for the society? Why should I care? They're not the boss of me!

I've recently learned that the hardest thing being gay is the uncertainty that lies ahead. Shit happens when you're gay. Things that you wouldn't expect. Kids in school who are slightly sissy (as compared to other boys), are called names, teased on, and even bullied. Then there's also chances that you might be beaten up by gay bashers. In Malaysia, there's no discrimination law protecting homosexuals. With the odds against people like us, most prefer to stay in the closet.

When I first broke up with my first ex, I told myself I would never date another paranoid closet case. Dating someone who is constantly afraid that a friend of a friend of a friend might see us going out for a movie or a meal is just too taxing.

With my second, he is closeted but at least not a paranoid case like the first. But not long into our relationship, not only did he told me that someday he will get married if the parents wanted him to, he also cheated on me. Needless to say, we broke up. Then came the third.

Things are different with him. We are able to talk things through. Discuss serious issues. Tell each other that you're wrong unapologetically and still managed not to fight. Things went so smooth I couldn't believe it myself!

Knowing full well of my condition with my ex, he promised that despite being a closet case, should it comes to family pressure, he would choose me over his family. The relationship went well. When I was down with depression, he saw me through it. He was there all the time to comfort me and motivate me. I started to think that this is the one! This is the person that I would want to spend the rest of my life with!

Three weeks ago, he told me that his family wanted him to get married. According to him, as much as he wanted to fulfill his family's wish, the person he wanted to marry is still me. Flattered, I am. But knowing him, deep down inside, I knew that I am slowly losing him.

Backing up the timeline to two months ago: When I got my job in KL and was offer a better salary, I started thinking about settling down. I began making plans and trying to save enough so that I could afford two important seals for a crucial life changing event. Of course, all these went silently without his knowledge.

Then the news hit. As flattered as I am with the words, I knew I would soon lose this person I loved so dearly. Lost and disappointed, my plans came to a halt.

Last week, the inevitable happened. I knew this day was coming but I didn't expected it to be this soon. He finally said it, "I decide that we break, ok?". He decided that he is going to get married. Not marrying for show, but for real. What can I say? No?

Everything came crumbling down.

A relationship that went so perfectly well is forced to end. I couldn't help but think: Why couldn't he just come out to his family?! Why can't he just marry a lesbian, or do one of those 'marriage by arrangement' thing that a lot of other people are doing? Why of all the options there are available, he has to go for the worse?! Did I do anything wrong? Am I not a good boyfriend? Or I'm not good enough?

As much as I'd like to hate him, I can't. I kept trying to tell myself to understand the position that he's in. But I can't!

The way I see it: Life is all about choices. It's the choices we make that affects us. I've learned a great deal from this experience, and choices have to be made. I think it's time to shut myself up once more. I've had enough of getting hurt and diappointed. Why the need to be Mr. Nice when at the end of the day, the big fat loser is going to be me? Why risk it?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

It's been a week since that incident.

Today, I was told that after thinking things through he decided that it's impossible for him to get married and asked if I still wanted him to come to KL. Will all my heart, I wanted to say yes. I do. But I really can't afford to get hurt again in the end. I'm so very afraid that he might turn around the next day and say something else again.

Since he mentioned nothing of wanting to get back together, I wouldn't dare to assume anything. I chose to be cold and he said that he feels that "no longer important" to me anymore and he shouldn't come to KL afterall. I really feel like slapping him at that very moment.

First you wanted to come and now not anymore?! What the fuck?! Can you make up your mind please?!

Dear, I'm a a point which I don't even know when to trust you anymore. How would I know that you really meant what you said? How can I be sure that you will not wake up the next day and "decide" to dump me again? This is a relationship, not the SPCA where you decide to throw a puppy away for a week and decide that you want it back again.

I think you should be really sure of what you want before you make another decision. If this is the end, so be it. But if you really wanted to take this lost puppy back again, it's time you show some effort as to where this relationship stands right now and where is it heading to. Is the puppy staying in the pound for good? Or are you taking the puppy back?

- lost puppy @ jessism © 11062007/1306207 -

Useless

2007-06-10T02:17:00.000+08:00

My tears had run dry; my eyes hurt. I know crying doesn't help but that's slowly becoming a habit in the past days (and nights).

I feel like a butterfly being pinned down alive. I wanted to do something about it; I know I need to get away but I couldn't move. I feel that all that's left of me right now is an empty shell. I've lost everything. my hopes, my dreams... everything!

I know I'm supposed to let go and move on but I can't. Deep down inside I still hope that all this is just an extended nightmare. One that I will wake from and things will be better again. Will things be better again?

I lie awake in bed, staring into nothingness. I miss you so much it hurts. But I couldn't make myself to pick up the phone. I' afraid. Afraid of the silence. Afraid of the things you might or might not say. Afraid that you might tell me that all these that is happening are real... My world would end. I couldn't afford that.

I still love you. I misses you so much words can't describe. Why can't you see? Why do you have to do this to me?

Lying here, I die a little more as the minute goes by, praying hard that you would come around. Then it hit me: you wouldn't care no more. Why should you? There is a whole new life waiting for you; a family to start... while I'm just a passerby who probably bares no significant.

The end is here. The curtain falls. The love which I had much hope in is gone and there is nothing left that I could do to safe it...

- jessism © 10062007 -

Blurry

2007-06-09T09:15:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I really don't understand why is it when there are choices to be made, the wrong ones always seem like a better choice to you?

I know you wanted to be filial but is this really the way to solve everything?

We had our share of minor misunderstandings in between but did you notice? We have never fought or argue over anything serious matter. All this while i was telling myself how happy I would be if I was able to spend my life with this person...little did I know that all it was was just castles in the clouds.

Waking up this morning, I felt lost. I can't help but wonder if all that happened in the past year were real: that karaoke room we met; lunch at the Japanese restaurant; the song recorded for me; the 11 roses I bought for you; the nights you accompanied me when I was working late... the countless memories of you and I kept floating around in my mind. Were any of them real? It's all a blur now.

My heart aches. My eyes swollen.

There are smses from my mom trying to reassure me that everything will be alright.

Will it? I don't know.

I do know that everything will never be the same again...

- jessism © 09062007 -