Guilty Pleasure

Fallen sick over the past few days brought back my insomnia.

Unlike the times when Kenny was around, which I would sleep like a baby through the night regardless of whatsoever nightmare or discomfort I was feeling, I can't seem to get back to sleep these days. I'd be wide awake and just stare at the ceiling.

It's true when people say that your mind wanders when you can't sleep.

Two nights ago, I got up and i couldn't sleep. I thought of the guardian angel who watches over me when I was a kid -- she (I think... cos I'd usually just see a white phantom figure) would always appear when I was sick, and I will be better the day after. Even though i was thinking of her, she didn't appear that night.

The night after, I can't seem to get myself back to sleep after I got up. I started reading. It wasn't until 6am in the morning that I got tired and fall back to sleep. Then last night, the inevitable happened: Kenny popped back in my head.

As much as I hate to admit it, Kenny is always there somewhere in the back of my head. Mostly to remind me what an idiot I was to believe in him and what an ass he is. But last night, for some twisted reasons, I really wished that he was there with me, lying by my side, telling me that everything's gonna be alright, as he used to do, and hugged me back to sleep. It suddenly hit me that I might never find another who knows me so well like he does. Anxiety starts to kick in.

The devil in me kept telling me that I should make him pay for what he did, making him suffer more than what he did to me. The angel in me reminded me of the Xanax I have stashed away for moments like this. Then my conscience fought back, telling the two to shut the hell up so that I can get back to sleep.

As the three battles away, memories of how Kenny used to cheer me up with his (sometimes silly) antics, crept in. Tears began to roll down unknowingly. I can't tell whether the tears were there because I miss him, or just tears of happiness. i let them be...

I close my eyes. Tuned out all the noises around, and I indulged in the memento I have left playing in my head, and slowly, I drifted back to sleep...

- a distressed puppy © 12112007 -

Club Night Horror

On the way back, the minute we took our first turning, we met with a road block and 24 who drank the least, as compared to me, was tested positive for alcohol and all of us who are in the car were sent to the police station. Whoever the guy was who stopped us the other night was damn fucking rude. I remember him shouting to 24, asking him to get out of the car so that he (the police) can get in and drive, when it struck us. Why can't anyone else in the car drive? We have one who is sober! Why must we let some stranger drive the car? And God knows where he's going to take us! Talking about making something out of nothing, the cop threatened to handcuff 24 and making a big deal out of it if he doesn't get into the passenger seat and let him (the cop) drive. So 24 complied and at the same time making calls to every higher ranked officer he knows.

We were taken for a joyride back to the police station close to Pasar Seni. Why "joyride"? That guy was taking us in circles and using the long way there when we could obviously get there in less than 5 minutes. And talk about bad driving skills, that stupid cop almost bang into cars which are coming by on the next lane! Did these people even pass their driving tests?!

Once reached the police station, 24 was taken in, while Sammi and I were left waiting outside. To my knowledge, the normal procedure would be to take the driver back for a comprehensive computer check. Issue a summon if found guilty of driving under the influence of alcohol, and someone needs to pick him and the car up. What happened that night was a very long wait.

Sammi and I waited for almost 2 hours before the officer who took us in came out and told me that 24 is not cooperating and wanted me to go in to persuade him to cooperate. Certainly not sounding like the 24 I know, I walked in anyway. The minute I open the door to go in, another officer in shouted at me: "Siapa panggil you masuk?!" (Translation: Who asked you to come in?) I told him that an officer asked me to come in and explained to him what the guy said and what my friend was in here for. The reaction I got was more shouting. The guy screamed at me: "Saya tak panggil you masuk! Keluar!" (Translation: I never asked you to come in! Get Out!)

Yeah. We spend our tax dollars feeding and paying rude and fat hooligans to protect us.

The minute I got out, I couldn't care much anymore. I text 24 and told him what happened, hoping that he is able to read sms in there, and at the same time text everyone I think might have contacts to sort this out.

It wasn't until 5.30am that 24 came out from the room and told me that he needed my help to bail him out. According to him, I just needed to sign a few papers and we can go. He looked pissed and was clearly shaking. I didn't say much. I just agreed to it.

Going with him and another cop dressed in plain clothes, we went to another room upstairs. While waiting to be processed, 24 told me what happened in the room he was brought into: Apparently, the cops told him that in order for him to be able to walk away clean, he had to pay RM3000 in CASH! Who the fuck would walk around with RM3000 in their pocket?! The best part is: the 3k is not even summon money! We're talking about 3k bribe money!!! Yeah... this is what happened behind closed doors in police stations. And now we know. Refusing to pay the 3K they wanted, they gave 24 a hard time in the room. Throwing him threats and all. Thank god 24 managed to grab hold of one of his many contacts and they sent someone over: the guy who escorts us to the place to be processed.

Waiting to be processed took close to half an hour. I have no idea why the fuck do we need to be waiting this long, when clearly there ain't that much "criminals" left sitting in the room but us. When it came to our turn, I found out why. The guy who was doing the processing was taking his own sweet time to write and copy whatever that is needed to be written. At the same time, he was making phone calls to god-knows-who. Just waiting for him to issue us the bail notice, it took him almost half an hour! And at the end of it, he told us that the car has to be compounded until 24 settled the payment on Monday morning! (Offices are closed on Sundays, remember?) When we asked how are we going to get to the place to settle the fine without a car, the guy said, "Ambil taxi." (Translation: Get a cab.)

The whole ordeal ended at about 7am. 24 was clearly nervous and was still shaking. After seeing Sammi got on a cab, 24 and I headed to grab some breakfast. When I got home, it was almost 8am.

After going through all this, they way I see it: Whether we liked to admit it, or not, cops are surely licensed thugs. All they can threaten and extort money from you all they want, and you can do no shit about it. Asking for bribe is one thing. Asking for a 3k bribe is certainly overdoing it!

I really salute 24 for still being able to walk out without a weak knee after the traumatic experience they gave him. And honestly, I really don't see why this cannot be done and handled in a more professional manner?! The government is spending so much of our tax money to crack down this and that, the way I see it, the only "crack down" needed is to clean the police station off these money-sucking leeches! As for those who are not apart of that money-sucking team, send them to some anger management course and courtesy training please! I wanna see our tax money well-spent! Not on some over-priced screwdriver set!!!

- a pissed off citizen © 05112007 -

Club Night

Those who are quite close to me would know that I don't do clubs. Those few unfortunate lucky ones whom I went with, would know that I would just sit and drink them dry.

After having down right low week, I couldn't resist it when 24 asked me to go La Queen with him. So after God-knows-how-long, jess is hitting the club once again. Since I don't dance, 24 and I decided that we should share a bottle of JD so that I we can drink the night away.

Hitting a local club after so long, my expectation wasn't all that high. On the way over, I was thinking to myself: Bad music, cigarette-filled room, everyone sardined to each other... When I got there around 11pm, the place isn't as bad as I thought it would be. No stuffy cigarette smell and the place sure ain't as sardine-packed as I thought it would be. 24 managed to get us a table quite close to the dancefloor.

All I cared about that night was to drink myself silly. To be honest, I don't remember who I met that that. Haha... Not that I was pissed drunk but the music was too loud and under them dim lighting, I can't even tell who's who. I do remember that 24 introduced me to a bunch of his friends.

After a couple of drinks, without me realizing suddenly the dancefloor is packed. Although to me the music was not all that good, the crowd sure was enjoying it. Maybe I was expecting too much, or maybe the crowd has bad music taste... I dunno. Since a majority of them are literally jumping high, I'm just gonna assume that it was me.

Now again, I dunno if it's really just me but I had a guy, who can't keep his hand to himself, followed me around. First, I didn't know him. Second, he groped me. Not once, not twice, but more. In the beginning, I really didn't notice if it was the same guy. I was walking around, I felt a hand on my butt but I didn't look back. I just assume that it was normal to be taken advantage of since I'm oh-so-irresistible in a dark enclosed place where people can't see how ugly I am. Then it happened again, and again, and finally I got fed up and turn to see who it was. This is where my favorite line comes into play: "God was never that kind to me." The person who was harassing me all this while didn't turn out to even hit the "average" line in my target range, and clearly, with all the brushing of his hands on me and groping while I was making my way around the club, I certainly have to give him brownie points for the effort... but still... I got to 24 and told him what happened and told him that I'm going out to get a breather. 24 got pisssed. It turns out that he knew who he person was and made him apologize to me. Never in my life would I imagine anyone taking him seriously but the guy was kinda intimidated and actually apologized!

Counting the time I went to Atmosphere with Darrel and his brothers, a few years back, this is actually the second time I stayed until closing time. The crowd dispersed and disappeared before the lights came on --are those people really that insecure about how they look???-- and 24, Sammi, Justin (who looks fucking familiar but I just can't recall where I've seen him) and I were the last ones to leave.

Having no transportation to go back, 24 was to send Sammi and I back. And then it happened...

-jessism © 05112007 -

11 Years

It's strange how time flies.

In exactly 11 years ago, today, I received a letter from an "ordinary girl", who wanted to be friends with me. She was 15 then.

We started to writing to each other. Ever since, waiting and checking the mailbox for her letter became a normal routine of my life. We would share stories of our lives, tell each other lil' secrets, and we would send each other our latest pictures (which I've already compiled hers into two albums)...

We were writing to each other so frequently, that I could even memorize her house address without checking for it. Letters we wrote to each other would sometimes exceed 12 pages (front and back), and we would find ways to beat the postal system, so that we could safe stamp money. (We were sending out so many letters, it was draining out our pocket money!) She taugh me one need trick, which is to put a couple of layers of glue on top of the stamp we use on the envelope, so that when the people at the post office chop the stamp, the ink would be imprinted on the glue. When the other party gets the stamp, we can just wash the stamp and reuse it again! Neat trick ain't it?!

If I were to compile the stack of letters she sent me over the past 11 years, my guess is that, is would be thicker than our college textbook! LOL...

Throughout the 11 years, we only met each other ONCE. I can't remember exactly which year was it but if memory serves me right, it was somewhere between 2003 - 2005. Yes, we only meet up after almost a decade of writing to each other! If I'm not mistaken, she wanted to gave me some CNY cookies she baked. Since you can't possibly send that by post, we were "forced" to meet up. We chatted for less than 15 mins and then she left. It was very late, you can't really blame us for having such a short conversation.)

Although we never saw each other again after that day, we still do write to each other from time to time, but not as crazily frequent as it used to be 11 years ago.

Dearie, I really can't believe that it's already been 11 years! If I were to be straight, I would definately consider asking you to marry me! LOL... Anyways, it's great to have known you for more than a decade, dearie! -*HuGz*-