Had an interesting chat with someone I've known for many years yesterday.
It has been an ongoing theme that I will tell him: Despite knowing him for more than a decade, he still strikes me as someone who always keep to himself. I don't often see him showing his real emotions to anyone and there's always a sense of restrain. Even when we're out having fun, you can tell that the wheels in his head are turning. Whenever he's sad or down he disappears, which worries me, but I know very well deep inside that he'll resurface once he manages to sort his emotions out. And seeing all these...I just wanted him to be happy, to be able to let loose and be himself.
After the recent conversation we had, it struck me that I'm not all that different from him. (Took me a decade but yeah...)
I've always been the kind of person who never really show my true self to anyone. You may know me all your life and still don't know anything about the real me. I learn that in life, whenever you open yourself up and show people who you are, you end up making yourself more vulnerable and making it easier for others to hurt you. So shutting everyone out and boxing myself in seem to be the best option.
Perhaps we are all the same. Tired of being letdown and so afraid of getting hurt that the proectective layer comes on naturally so often that it became a habit. One that evolves slowly from a habit into a survival instinct that makes us who we are today. In the end, everyone sees a different part of us bubt no one ever truly sees all.
Looking back at the conversation we had, it also got me thinking... Is there someone else out there who, also like me, is able to see through the mask I'm wearing or just indifferent? Hmmm....
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