Choices

I see dead people.

I know that sounds cliché, but ever since I was a kid, I see them. they've became a part of my life and I'm used to having them around: the white lady in my house who came to me whenever I was sick as a kid, the old lady at the side of the road, the dark shadows over a certain hill-top apartment, my dead grandparents, the list goes on.

To me, this is a "gift". Something that made me feels special. Different. I could do something that others couldn't. I could see things that others couldn't.

Recently, after my grandmother's passing, my uncle, who is doing religious practice, gave me an antique amulet, which is said to be taken from an ancient temple ruins in Thailand. He's been having it for decades, and now it's time to slowly pass things on to the few close nieces and nephews around him, before he leaves us for the temple. I was one of the few who received it.

The amulet, my uncle told me, is no ordinary amulet. People who know the value of it are willing to pay over thousands for it. Not only does it help in protection, it also wards off those spirits who are not supposed to linger after their time. (ie: the ones I keep seeing.) Which would also mean, take my "gift" away.

My uncle told me that I'm not suppoesd to see them, as they are not meant to be seen and interact with the living, and I must learn to let go. But how could I? After seeing them for decades, they've became a part of my life. As much as I fear some of them, it really helps to know where they are so i can safely avoid running into them. Without the "gift", what am I to do? Does it really help to not see them? To not know anything about them? I'm confused.

When I was a kid, I'd like to think that the seeing was like a "talent". Even today, i still feel that way. But how does one throw his/her talent away? Should I really give it up?

Yes, I have taken the amulet.

Yes, it does shield those who are not meant to be seen away.

But is this the way things are supposed to be? Is life really going to be better without knowing of their existence?

I stopped wearing the amulet months ago, and I now hang it in my room. I can't really let them go. And I really think that the world is big enough for all of us to live in peace. Why must I choose a side? Sigh…

~ jessism © 14102010 ~