Ranting

They say, whoever "they" are, that we turn a year wiser with every year we age. Well, to be honest, I could really use with the getting wiser without the aging part.

You see, with age, people changed. Not for the better, but for the worse. Your health fails, your memory goes, your looks are gone... If you ask me, it's a whole lot to be sacrificing for an annual gain in wisdom.

I really get those who wanted to celebrate this "happy" occassion with me, but to me, happiness never last. My self-thought best relationship turned out to be built on a bunch of lies and ended up in betrayal, my self-thought best job cost me the relationship between me and my mom, my self-preceived best life needs me to put up a front and smile at the people around me so that I won't have them worried about my condition... Happiness, it comes with a price. There are no free lunches in the world.

If I can do anything to see the people around me happy, I'd do it. I really need to see them happy, to remind myself that I could still do some good in this world, that there is still a meaning to my existence.

In less than 24 hours, I'd be turning another year "wiser". For someone with a huge case of Peter-Pan Complex, this is a HUGE thing. I used to enjoy keeping to myself on my birthdays, buying a small piece of cake for myself the day before, locking myself in my room, light a candle, sing myself a birthday song, make a wish... Ok, fine. I admit it. It was pathetic and I certainly wasn't enjoying any bit of it. I really detest the sense of getting older. Aging really is my biggest enemy. But there is no way of stopping it now, is there?

Tensed

You can literally feel the tension in the air. The whole rakyat is tensed. Not by the rally, but by the way we are treated. To be honest, I really don't see how having roadblocks everywhere will be "the public interest". Did they even ask "the public" whether we wanted roadblocks before deciding on our behalf?

On the bus to work, we saw a roadblock on the opposite side of the road, where all the cars are at a standstill. Sitting very close to the driver seat, I can hear the driver telling the conductor that today is going to be a long day, "I wonder how long we are going to be stuck in that block on our way back."

I wanted to stress, that these blocks ARE NOT the "public interest"! When are they ever going to learn? The bus drivers wanted to have a smooth journey, the passengers wanted to get to their destination on time; they don't want to get stuck in a road block. And I for sure don't want to be stuck in a roadblock on my way home later as well!

Sigh... Why is something that is already greenlit by the Agung still causing so much stir? Shouldn't the blocks and tension be gone, now that the biggest man in charge has already spoken? I'm confused.


~ a concerned and tensed citizen © 20110708 ~