When you don't have it, you long for it; when you have it, you wish you're never involved in the first place.
They say, "Be careful what you wish for", and it's true. (Honestly, I dunno who "they" are, but "they" seems to have a lot to say, and I hate "them" for always being right.) I used to wish that I wouldn't live a crappy single life, so getting attached was the best thing that happened to me this year. This person is very nice to me, treats me well, took care of me when I was sick… I'm a sucker for the little things people do for me, and he is good at those "little things". It's really great not to live a lonely and boring life anymore.
But of late I've been questioning myself: What is love? How far would you love somebody? Does loving someone meaning that you will forgive the person no matter what he or she does? That you will be able to see pass the person's flaws and mistakes, and continue to love the person until the end of time?
In reality, a husband who finds his wife cheating on him would go into a raging temper, and would possibly kill her for ruining his manly-man image; whereas a wife who finds out about his unfaithful husband would have to deal with the fact that the man who used to love her doesn't love him anymore. The worse part of all this is: the society agrees that a woman should always stay faithful to her husband. But what happens when a man is unfaithful? He gets away with it and the society will blame the wife for not doing a good job, or else the husband wouldn't have left.
But what happens when your other half tells you that he or she is unfaithful to you, and claiming that he or she will not let it happen again? Will you forgive this person? Now do remember that this is a person that you claim to love forever and ever with your life, so help you God. After all, this person came clean to you and admitted his or her wrong doing. God did teach us to be forgiving, you know.
Well, here's what I think: Screw God's teaching. Screw being a forgiving person. I say, we should burn these people at the stakes, like what they do to the witches in the olden days!!!
Okay, just kidding.
Yes, I think people like this should be punished, but not to the extent that you burn alive. It's so very wrong for them to do what they did in the first place. But I'm just curious: How many of you out there will see pass what had happened and forgive them for what they did? My guess is: 100% of the guys out there will agree to the burning, while 50% (or more) of the women out there will say that they will look pass the flaws and forgive the person eventually.
Here's my question to all of you, who are willing to give a feedback:
1. What would you do if your other half tells you what he (or she) did?
2. Will you be able to forgive this person's infidelity?
3. How many of you out there will see pass what had happened?
A Jessism © 16072006
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3 comments:
Those are some very thoughtful and pithy questions. When I was younger, I would have gone with the burnings and such. Now, with the perspective of time and some good relationship courses, I can see past the obvious knee jerk reactions of infidelity.
One thing that you have not addressed is that with the whole topic of infideltity, what gets left out is how we feel about ourselves when this happens in a relationship. One of the most pivotal courses I took pointed out that ALL of our life experiences are distorted thru the lens of our past experiences. And ALL those experiences can be boiled down to a simple experience of "this happened to me because I am not worth it."
What most people don't realize is that at a core level, when our mate cheats on us, we "make the meaning" that we are not attractive enough and that leads to hurt. The hurt leads to the lashing out and wanting to punish the other person. What we need to learn is to NOT make the meaning that we are not worth it. That is a VERY tall order but can be done with practice.
Also, with the wisdom of years, I have come to conclude that the worst thing in relationships is to make someone love you when they don't. That causes more suffering in relationships than I can count. Probably 99% of all the suffering.
If my wife cheated on me now, I would not see that as something wrong with me. I might see it as something is VERY wrong with the way I am treating her so that she needs to find someone else to confide in. I would also weigh the other positive aspects of our wonderful and supportive marriage and ask myself, "Do I want to throw all that away for one infidelity?" The marriage might be 95% good and 5% bad, do I want to give up the 95% for the 5% that is not going well? Probably not.
So I can also see loving another person as wanting the best for them in their life journey, even if that means not including me. I'm not sure about the forgiving part, but I remind myself of the adage, "forgiveness is realizing that what you thought someone did to you, never really happened." It never really happened! Try that paradigm!
Good luck on your search,
Peter
it would depend on the level of his or her infidelity... cause its to my belief that no one on earth can claim to be truly faithful.. everyone (guys and gals) are sure to have a moment of weakness (maybe myself included, we’ll never know the future right?).. and its not just a matter of how serious it was… was it a one night stand…? a long term affair….? a flirtatious dinner…? it all depends on how you feel in the end… why are you accepting (or not accepting) the incident..? what are your reasons for leaving or letting it pass..?
Dude, I'm gonna be totally selfish and spam you with a link to one of my blog entries... listen to the song (right-click and save).. and listen to the lyrics..
http://www.izadsyah.com/cp/2006/06/26/sentimental-asshole/
Hopefully you will get past this.
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