Ranting

They say, whoever "they" are, that we turn a year wiser with every year we age. Well, to be honest, I could really use with the getting wiser without the aging part.

You see, with age, people changed. Not for the better, but for the worse. Your health fails, your memory goes, your looks are gone... If you ask me, it's a whole lot to be sacrificing for an annual gain in wisdom.

I really get those who wanted to celebrate this "happy" occassion with me, but to me, happiness never last. My self-thought best relationship turned out to be built on a bunch of lies and ended up in betrayal, my self-thought best job cost me the relationship between me and my mom, my self-preceived best life needs me to put up a front and smile at the people around me so that I won't have them worried about my condition... Happiness, it comes with a price. There are no free lunches in the world.

If I can do anything to see the people around me happy, I'd do it. I really need to see them happy, to remind myself that I could still do some good in this world, that there is still a meaning to my existence.

In less than 24 hours, I'd be turning another year "wiser". For someone with a huge case of Peter-Pan Complex, this is a HUGE thing. I used to enjoy keeping to myself on my birthdays, buying a small piece of cake for myself the day before, locking myself in my room, light a candle, sing myself a birthday song, make a wish... Ok, fine. I admit it. It was pathetic and I certainly wasn't enjoying any bit of it. I really detest the sense of getting older. Aging really is my biggest enemy. But there is no way of stopping it now, is there?