Having the honour to talk to someone who "used to be straight", I realised that Seinfeld might be right on what he said about straight men. Read on…
26 years old, Chris* looks like your regular Ah Beng who sells pirated DVDs at the pasar malam – a tattoo on his hand, coloured hair, drives a somewhat modified car, and the dude even have an attitude to go with. Studied in Singapore when he was in primary school, and E&E in the states, Chris dated a few girls, slept with a couple of them, everything seems normal. Curious about the gay community Chris talked to a few gay friends he befriended online and decided to meet up with one of them. "He's a guy, I'm a guy. I've got nothing to lose. What is he going to do? Punch me?"
One thing led to another, the guy ended up asking Chris to sleep with him. And our hero, of course denied in a very frightful manner, but still, at the end of the day, got a head-job from his newfound friend. Then on, Chris let more and more of his online friends suck him off. "I don't let them kiss me and I sure don't suck them back, if that's what you're thinking." When asked of the reason why he kept going back for more, Chris said that "girls don't like to give head. Even if they do, it's not as good as what gay men can do."
Anyway, one fine day, Chris decided to have his first fuck with one of his 'suck buddies' to see how it's like screwing a gay man, which he describes as: "it's like doing a girl. The hole for a girl is looser, and a man's is tighter. Not much difference, still sex." Then cupid struck. Chris fell for a gay man, which he subsequently dated for a year and a half.
A confused boy, who now calls himself a bisexual, Chris did not have any contact with another girl after his fallout relationship with his boyfriend. Then came Damon*, who is two years younger than Chris. "I always wanted to do something different. I remember one Chinese New Year, instead of giving his family those hampers and yok kon (barbeque meats), I gave his mother an air conditioner. The look on his mother’s face was priceless."
When asked if Damon's parents knew about their relationship, Chris said Damon's mother found out after their relationship ended. "I think his mother suspected something was not right when I gave her son a mobile phone for his birthday. But she never did say anything about it. Damon came out to her after we broke up."
Yes, their relationship didn't last. Damon broke up with Chris shortly after Chris' 25th birthday, and left him for a much older, and richer, man. "I bought a house when I was 23, just so that we could have a roof over our head, but that still wasn’t enough for him." That relationship lasted three and a half years.
Although proudly pronouncing himself as a gay now, Chris still hasn't come out to his parents. "I think my mother knows about it, but she’s just in denial." So what happens when he goes back during festive season and his relatives asked about when is he getting married? "I'll just shrug it off by saying that I still I haven’t found the right person… which is true."
So I guess this answers our question of whether are all straight men really straight.
* * * * *
Coming out of the closet is hard, especially when you're living in a close minded country like Malaysia, where being gay could mean lifetime imprisonment, and whipped. To top it off, things are even worse if you're a homosexual in a Chinese family. Scenarios like this have been depicted in movies like Yon Fan's "Bi Shonen", and the recent award-winning, "Ethan Mao". Although the movies are not set in our own country, it sure does gives an idea of what it would be like to come out to your parents if you're a gay Chinese.
In "Bi Shonen", a gay policeman, Sam (Daniel Wu), tried his best to make his retired father proud. However things went awry when he fell in love with a top gigolo, Jet (Stephen Fung), and accidentally let his father caught them making out. The result was a tragic end. Then in "Ethan Mao", we have Ethan (Jun Hee Lee), who was thrown out of the house by his father when his stepmother out him.
So is fact really that far from fiction? Alexander*, who came out to his parents two years ago, when he "accidentally" told his mother about his mother about his boyfriend, has a different story to tell. "She actually said that just as long that I'm happy, it doesn't make a difference if I have a boyfriend or a girlfriend. They got along just fine when I took him home to meet her."
Although not all parents will flip to learn that their children are homosexuals, 8 out of 10 people would still prefer to stay in, than coming out of the closet. "It was hard when you're in the closet. You're constantly afraid that people will find out, so one lie will lead to another, and in the end, you’ll be living a life surrounded with lies," said Alexander.
Staying in the close is hard, but is coming out really that easy? According to Alexander, "coming out is hard; and staying in a conservative country like Malaysia sure doesn’t make it any easier, which is why most people decided to stay in, rather than out."
Conservative Chinese thinking is always that things could happen to anyone, and everyone, but not their family. Imagine you telling your parents that you’re gay, even if you’re not, how would they react?
As open minded as the community today might be, homosexuals are still being discriminated throughout the world. Even Malaysia's ex-prime minister once said during a radio interview that, "the British people accept homosexual ministers. But if they ever come here bringing their boyfriend along, we will throw them out."
The ex-prime minister added that, "in Malaysia, a consenting gay relationship is punishable by up to 20 years jail plus (whipping) and this is probably one of the harshest penalties for gay relations anywhere in the world."
Which such close minded thinking and remarks coming from a growing country, if you’re a homosexual, are you even going to think of coming out of the closet? I don’t think so.
(*Disclaimer: The above is just an opinion piece. Names of the interviewed subjects have been changed to protect their identity.)
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