Of Acrophobia & Flying Aluminum Tubes

I'm afraid of heights. I can't look down from the second level railing of a shopping mall, or I'll get all weak and queasy. So I really don't get why when falling from great heights can cause instant death, people just have to do even more dangerous things to get you high. First, they invent flying aluminum tubes the size of a Brontosaurus. As if that is not crazy enough, they stuff the aluminum tube with shitloads of explodable stuff. As if that is still not enough, they pump the Bronto-aluminum tube with highly flammable fluids. Then to make things more interesting, they decided to stuff a couple hundred of living people in it, before plopping it up in the air, and charge the living "specimens" a bomb for it. It's crazy.

We know that a motorcycle crash can crack your head open like a watermelon dropping on the floor. Instead of coming out with ways to PREVENT motorcycle from being produced, we invent something to protect the "watermelon"! It's as if we're saying: "it's ok to crash in a motorcycle accident now, your head will be safe... but we don't guarantee other parts of your body will be."

Let's not get sidetracked here.

Like I said, I'm afraid of heights. But these days, if you wanted to get somewhere far, fast, (and expensive) the only solution is to fly. Being afraid of heights, flying is definitely a hugeass no-no for me. I can still remember the first time I went on a plane. I was put on an Air Asia flight by Star Cineplexes, to go cover an event in Sarawak. The trip totally freaked me out. I almost peed in my pants when the plane took off, and while it was landing. I thought I was going to die young.

The second time I got on a plane was this year's Chinese New Year, where I took a MAS flight from JB to Kedah. The flight was smooth, and I was about to forget about the fact that I’m way up high. Then the captain spoke: "you are gazillion of feet above sea level and you will die if we crash. But don't worry, the weather outside is beautiful. It's going to be a beautiful day to die, if we do crash." Well, he didn't exactly say that, but that's what it sounded like to me.

"Oh, look to your left, there's Oceanic Air Flight 815. Don't worry; I won't crash on some weird island like they are about to."

Tomorrow, I will once again walk myself into an aluminum tube for a long flight. Pray hard for me, so I don't end up on some weird island... That is unless the island is filled with gorgeous Bel Ami model-looking hunks, then it's a different story...

An Original Jessism © 28062006

A Pornographic Lesson

Had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine yesterday.

You see, I always thought that you can pick up foreign language from porn. Yes, porn. I mean, the words keep repeating, there are actions to show you what it means... you should be able to get the hang of it in no time.

Take American porn for example: Words like "faster", "harder", "fuck me", "suck me", "lick me" (and etc.), keep repeating throughout. With the accompanying action, it should be easy to catch on after a few minutes, right? Same goes for Jap-porn: people having sex, girl getting screwed say the magic word, "yamateh", and guy started screwing her shitless... you should get the picture of what it meant, right?

Ok, anyway, back to my story. I saw this friend of mine having the word "YAMATEH", in caps, on her MSN nick. Through my experience from watching Japanese porn and seeing the action that accompanied it: seeing that the girl in the porn did get screwed shitless, i assume it should by default means "fuck me", or "fuck me harder", right? Wrong!

Apparently, this friend of mine told me that the word meant "advance", or something like that, which now brings me to:

Why the hell would anyone sane yell "ADVANCE" in bed?

Just imagine you having sex with your partner and the person suddenly screams "Advance! ADvance! ADVANCE!" My natural instinct would be to slap the person left and right before asking: "what the hell is wrong with you?"

An almost similar conversation came up last weekend while I was having lunch with my KL housemates. Talk about weird table topics... the pervious time I was in KL, it was sexual escapades, this time around: things you say in bed.

While having lunch at a Vietnamese restaurant, to prove that he is right when saying that university professors are bad in bad, Keith suddenly acts out loud what a professor might say in bed: "Add friction! Higher velocity... YES! YES! EUREKA!!!" And if you know keith, you know "loud" when I say "loud". Even people from the table at the end of the restaurant were looking over. (Sometimes I wonder why these restaurants have no table when we go over, now it's starting to get obvious...)

A Jessism © 21062006

God Protect Me...

Sometimes some people just need to learn to keep their mouth shut. If you have nothing to say, just keep quiet!

Was out with my boyfriend and a couple of friends during the weekend. During a conversation, a friend of ours brought up the subject of religion. Not that i have anything against anybody's religion, but I just wanted to say that: I'm a Buddhist, don't try to change, or convert, me!

This girl, who is a Christian, told my boyfriend (who also happens to be a Christian) to convert me to Christianity. I told her that my boyfriend and I have got no problem with our difference in religion so far, and I don't see why we should change that. Instead of taking the hint and keeping her mouth shut, she started this whole thing about 101 reasons why he should be doing so.

This one good reason why I don't like these people. I know you think your God is oh-so-great, and I respect Him. But don't come telling me that I should be one of His many followers and 101 good reasons and benefit and I can from it. This is not groceries we're talking about. Don't come promoting it to me like some fucking commercial; telling me why I should change my detergent!

I've said this a lot of times, and I'll say it again.

I don't care whatever fuck your religion is. And I don't give a damn how fucking great you think your religion is. Every person has their right to believe what they want. So don't fucking try that religion hard sell thing on me! Don't come telling me this bullshit about what I should believe! You wanna be Christian, fine with me. Just don't fucking come to my friends and ask them to "lead me to the right path".

I'm a Buddhist, and I'm happy with it. Deal with it!