Christmas Surprise

I have never cried so hard on Christmas.

Where to begin? Let's just say that Christmas Eve was plain boring. Kenny and two other friends of ours (Greg & Lilian) didn't know where to go, so we ended up roaming around Stulang Laut aimlessly. Had our countdown at Sampan -- a local cafe with live band, which turn out to be disappointing. We loved the place, but our favorite singer wasn't there, and the girls that were singing on stage were just plain bad. With nowhere to go, the four of us decided to head home to unwrap our presents.

Everyone who knows me knows that every year I would post my Christmas wishlist on my blog. The catch about my Christmas wishlist is either the items listed are things I couldn't afford, or it's something rare that I couldn't find. Of course, I always think that if I couldn't afford it and it's a hard-to-find item, who would be able to get it for me, right? Wrong!

Unwrapping the present Verlyn got me gave me a shock! The girl got me the “Red Curtain Trilogy” boxset that I've been looking for ages! I just couldn't stop myself from crying the minute I saw it. I've been looking for it for almost a year and every shop I went to in Singapore told me that it's already out of stock and that I can only get it from US. But this crazy girl actually found it! She must have went through a lot of hell trying to locate it. What makes it even more touching is that I know she's been tight on Vitamn $ lately and the set cost a lot! Still, she bought it for me! I called her the minute I saw what's in the box and woke her up in the middle up the night. The both of us ended up crying on the phone. Come to think of it now, it is kinda embarrassing.

Another person who surprised me was Kenny. This bugger couldn't even afford to have his car tires replaced but he managed to get me a set of Japan-import "Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicles" models, which, I figure, doesn't come cheap. Sigh... Thank you both a lot for making me cry the presents!

(NOTE: A special thanks to + l a a . l a a + for her Christmas card, as shown above. Click here to see what I got for Christmas this year.)

A Jessism © 25122006

iPod

Yes, jess now owns an iPod.

It's amazing how technology evolves these days. Who would've thought that we would be able to have everything we need on the go: music, videos, music videos, tv series, porn... Yes, porn. The first thing I did after transferring all my Mp3 into the iPod, was converting all my porn into Mp4 format and load them into it. Now, besides my Mp3, MTV, and TV shows, I even have porn! How cool is that?

As fun as it might sound, trying to figure out how to work it was a real pain! You would think that after all those years of improving the iPod and its range, they would be smart enough to come up with something more user friendly, but no, the people at Apple are just out to make us Windows users look like an ass.

The only easy part of operating an iPod, is the general plug in of the USB cable. There on, it's just a bunch of confusion. The thing about normal gadgets is that they come with a thick user manual that is not only comprehensive but also good for your bedtime reading. Whereas with an iPod, what you get is a 4-page-CD-inlay lookalike that explains to you what each and every button on your ipod does. To begin with, there's ain't a lot of buttons on your iPod. Besides, which bozo wouldn't be able to recognize the PLAY button?!

Anyway, from the inlay I learned that we can actually download the iPod manual from Apple's website. So the next day, I logged on to Apple's site to download the manual. Opening the pdf file, I soon realize why the iPod doesn't come with a user manual -- The iPod features guide is 72 A4 pages long!

Then there's the problem of converting my video files. One would think that since the iPod is a proud invention from Apple, you would be able to play avi files. But the fact is: you can't! You will have to convert your avi, mpeg, rmbv, or any other data files to Mp4 before you can play them on your iPod, which is fine by me. But the bad news is: they don't provide you with the convertion software! After paying so much money (SGD500), I now have to go spend more money to buy a software to convert my videos?! Thank god for Bit Torrent!

Anyway, those were in the past now. It's been a week since then; With 300MB worth of pictures, 3GB of Mp3, 1GB of MTV + TV series, and 4GB worth of porn loaded in, (and 65GB more to fill) I can now say that I am a proud iPod owner!

Christmas Homesick

November proves to be a not-so good month for this crab. A bus trip back to Penang landed me in KL; came back to find that my computer crashed; then a trip to the dentist turns into an appointment for an expensive wisdom tooth extraction…with all that going on, I forgot all about Thanksgiving. Even worse, I just realized that Christmas is just around the corner and I haven't even done my Christmas shopping! (Gasps in horror, "Home Alone" style!)

No, I'm NOT a Christian but I love Christmas. It's one of those seasons that you would know when it's around the corner. There's beautiful light decors everywhere, Christmas trees set up at all departmental stores, malls, and even on the street... and as we get closer to Christmas Day, everyone (even people you don't know) will greet you with festive wishes everywhere you go, stores that used to give the crappiest service will even have their staff smiling and greeting you. It's like suddenly the world is filled with leap year babies, and our long-awaited birthday is coming up! Sounds fun, doesn't it?

At times like this, it's hard not to be homesick. I can't help but think about that Christmas morning when we gather in the living area and open our present, with Jacque sniffing around, hoping to get a lick of the candy canes and Christmas candies Amy got us. Then there's the Christmas dinner where Keith and The Grinch Sid carved the turkey. And of course, the drinking game where we broke a glass and a drunken Geri walking into the stairs railing…sigh... I really miss that.

Anyway, fast forward to present day: Like last year, Jess will most probably be heading over to Singapore to celebrate Christmas. So, do gimmie a holler if you're heading there as well. Maybe we all can hang out together~!

Merry Christmas!

A Jessism © 12122006

Wisdom Tooth Week

I thought that the pain was over after the anesthetic injection from hell, cos I was unable to feel anything after the injection, but I was wrong. Showing me out, the doctor told me that I will feel the pain after the anesthetic wears off and gave me pain killer and antibiotics. As if to reassure me, he told me that there's nothing to be afraid of, "the bleeding should stop. Don't worry if it doesn't stop, just come back tomorrow." Yeah, that was very reassuring.

Day One: I went home feeling like I was just told that I've strike a lottery. Like the doctor say, there's no pain at all! It's only a little hard to swallow your saliva. I was instructed to take out the gauze and drink ice water and take my medication an hour after I got, which I followed diligently. Then it happened. The anesthetic went away and comes the suffering from hell. I can feel the pain even with the pain killers, and couldn't speak, cos it will inflict more pain. My bleeding didn't stop. Boyfriend asked me to wash my mouth with Oradex, and told me that it wouldn't hurt. The bastard lied! It stings so bad, I almost cried.

Day Two: Woke up with a swollen face. My landlady even joked that my face doesn't look balanced anymore. Couldn't speak; resorted to mumbling. Pain still there, but bleeding has subside. Still on a no solid food and ice-porridge diet. Yes, ice-porridge. The porridge we tapau was hot, so we have to find a way to cool it down. Placing ice into the porridge seems like the best idea then. Began to examine my hundred-bucks tooth and noticed that there's still traces of gum tissues on the tooth. Totally grossed out.

Day Three: Swell still there but not so obvious anymore. It still hurts but able to speak and sounding like Shelly Marsh from "South Park". Moved from ice-porridge to ice-kacang. Finally, brush my teeth! (Well, one side of it only... I wouldn't wanna open up the recovering wound!)

Day Four: Bleeding started again. I don't know why. Went back to work anyway. Can still taste blood in my mouth, until late afternoon. Getting closer to becoming a vampire. Wound still hurts. Boyfriend say not to worry, as it's a part of the healing process. Since he's in the dental care business, I guess I should listen to him?

Day Five (today): Spat out blood again this morning. Should it still be bleeding after so many days?! Am starting to get use to having blood in my mouth. Maybe I should just apply for a Red Card and become a full-fledged vampire?

Summing things up, I can say is that:

Wisdom Tooth Extraction =
Expensive Procedure + A Week Of Pain

Like what Ash always said to me: "look on the bright side", so here's my "bright side". I'm taking this as one of those experiences that teaches you something new. What I learned from this is that when you wanna curse someone, don't say things like "fuck off", or "I hope he/she will have a taste of her own medicine"! Say: "I hope you will have to get your wisdom tooth extracted!"

A Jessism © 01122006

Wisdom Tooth Monday

Went for my wisdom tooth extraction on Monday... All I can say is that it hurts like hell! Well... at least for me, it does.

The only part that I enjoyed was the first 5 minutes of it, when they were giving me one of those dental x-ray to locate my tooth, which is kinda cool, cos I've never seen a dental x-ray in my life! And that was it. The cool part over!

Then the guy picked up a needle, which is prolly about 8 inches long, and stuffed it in my mouth and into my gums. Let's just say that it's an injection from hell. Think of it as one of those normal tooth extraction injections... only 8 to 10 times more painful than that. The funny thing was, he actually told me that the most painful part of the procedure is done! Is that any true? Well, of course not! Like every other doctors, he lied! (To be fair to him, it's true that the physical pain is over, but the mental trauma is just about to start.)

Since they don't knock you out during the procedure, you'll be able to see what is going on and feel everything that is going on in your mouth. I saw the dude picked up a scalpel like thingy and stuffed it into my mouth, while the nurse beside him is already holding up something that looks like a crossed between an ice thong and a claw breaker (one of those thing they give you in the restaurant to break the shell of your crab, lobster, etc.). I closed by eyes after that. It's just far too much for me to take.

Thinking that since they've already numbed my gums and I couldn't feel a thing, it would be safer for me to close my eyes, right? Well, wrong! Although the gum is numb, I can still feel them trying to dig that tooth out; hear the doctor exchanging tools with the nurse; hear the doctor grunting as he tries to pull that tooth out; have that sense of something cracking and detaching from your jaw bones... it's just awful! (I had nightmares for the next two night, of being in there again and the doctor is trying to get that tooth out again and again.)

After he got the tooth out, the dude sounds like an all-excited boy trying to get me to see his latest achievement: "Oh look! It's out! See! No Pain!" I was too scared to look. I wouldn't want to see my blood-coated tooth dangling in front of me! Then he proceeds to tell me something that I consider as too much information: "I'm about to put my fingers back in to pressed your gums over the bones" (...or some shit like that). Like I would want to know that you can see my jaw bones right now!

When everything was done, I asked him if I would need to extract the rest of my wisdom tooth. The dude proceeds to tell me a story, which I think was rather fascinating. Apparently, our teeth are devolving, as we are doing less of the chewing. "During our time of our great grandfathers', they used to bite and chew on sugar canes to get the juices out. So they tend to have all four of their wisdom tooth intact and in good shape. But since we don't chew on sugar canes anymore, (thanks to modern day machines), some of us might not even have to face the problem of wisdom tooth." Which I interpreted as: Our life is governed by sugar canes. The more sugar canes you chew, the less chances you will have of having to extract your wisdom tooth.

(to be continued...)

A Jessism © 01122006

Work Woes: Of Credits & What Seems Like A Demotion

Credits
We were taught that it is very important to recognize the work and contribution of each and every individual ever since we were in school. The first lesson we learn when we were doing our kajian tempatan, is to credit those who have helped you, and to acknowledge the references that you referred to. As a writer, it's an even bigger no-no to plagiarize one's work and call it our own.

In the course of producing the latest issue of my company's bulletin, this issue came up. I noticed that the name of a former writer of ours was being omitted from the editorial credits, so I requested that her name be placed in - considering the fact that she contributed to almost half of this month's issue. The reply I received was: "No need, as she no longer bears the responsibility of an editor." Of course, this reply came from the person who requested her to leave the company immediately, two days after she handed in her resignation notice.

It is working ethics that we acknowledge a person's work. Before this person came in, we have been acknowledging each and every contributor to our bulletin, even when the contributor has left. But to abuse one's power and not acknowledge a person’s work? Isn't this an equivalent to plagiarism?


Demotion?
Thanks to the dental surgery to extract my wisdom tooth, I was being excused from work. Think: bleeding, swelling and pain. Okay, so I got it wrong. It's not "pain", it’s "excruciating pain".

While I was away, I received an sms from this same person who sacked the Chinese Editor. In her sms, she stated that it is "to inform (me) of a new arrangement", that they will be shifting me (more like kicking me) out of my office and into the Multimedia Room. Since it's multimedia, you can tell that it's a more cramped-up (think: tools, tv, radio, tapes, etc.); and since it has limited space, they're giving me a smaller desk; and since there will be editing going on, it's noisier; plus there's no phone line and more people. There goes my concentration.

No, I did nothing to pissed her off. She's just a bitch, who while I was away, went on telling everyone that I agreed to the new arrangement. My question now is: Which part of "this is to inform you", does it sound like a question? It's not like I can choose NOT to move. It's already been decided and you are "informing me"! There's nothing I can do about it!

When I came back to the office this morning, my stuff was already at the new place. They've moved everything out and stacked it on the small desk.

To me, I really don't see the point of relocating my work space, as our office will be shifting to a new building soon. So why the fuss of making it looks like I'm getting a demotion?! Today, I spent half the day being asked by other colleagues of whether I am happy with the decision made and the new environment. Happy? No. Angry? No. I'm more pissed at this bitch right now than ever!

A Jessism © 30112006

"Wisdom" My F**king Ass!

Let me start by saying that I never liked the idea of wisdom tooth. I don't know whose brilliant idea it is to call the wisdom tooth the "wisdom tooth".

First of all, I think I'm already smart enough. With an IQ of over 125, I don't need some stupid tooth's approval to show that I have enough wisdom to make it through this stupid life. Besides, why should we let our life be controlled by four tiny enamels?! To be honest, I don't even give a shit about their existence... until now.

After putting up with the toothache from hell for three months (and nagging from my boyfriend), I finally gave in and decided that it's time to pay the dentist a visit. But what else is new? I already knew that my wisdom tooth is coming out, how bad can it be? Right? Wrong!

According to the guy, because of that stupid tooth, my gums are now swollen and I should get the damn thing extracted as soon as possible before it starts to push my teeth sideways. The best part of all of this is: To take away that agony the wisdom tooth is causing me, I will have to go on antibiotics (which I hate) to make the swell go away, and on top of that, I will have to pay a whooping 500 bucks for the surgery to extract it!

Yes, you heard me right: Five hundred buckaroos!

This is where it pisses me off! I mean, why should I pay 500 bucks for a mistake that God made? Shouldn't He, or She, be rectifying this mistake this instance instead of letting me suffer?! I'm sure if I sold my soul to the devil ages ago, this would probably never happen. 500 bucks to extract a fucking tooth?! The Tooth Fairy better be giving enough to cover my medical bills!

I have to admit that I'm a wuss when it comes to anything that could, would, or might, inflict pain on me. To pay 500 bucks for someone to cut my gums open, dig my tooth out and give me three days medical leave, is not exactly how I wanted to spend my hard-earned money! By the way, did I mention that it's going to hurt like hell?!

A Jessism © 22112006

Know Your Rights

I'm sure 99% of the employees out there would probably know that there is something call Labor Law. But how many of you know how to use it to defend yourself in a company? Or how many of you out there who knows that the law exists and also knows that your company is wrong but is too chicken shit to use it? I know I'm not. In fact, I just made a call to the Labor Law Office earlier today. (No, I didn't have an argument with my company. This problem has got nothing to do with me.)

Here's what happened:
My colleague sent in her resignation letter two days ago and is now serving her resignation notice of two weeks. Today, the HR Department told her that she can pack her bags and need not report to work anymore tomorrow. Considering this is The Company that is terminating her, I asked if she is getting any compensation from The Company. She told me that the HR Department said that The Company has the right to terminate you and give you an early leave after you send in your resignation should they feel that you have no use for The Company anymore.

(Time to think: Who's right and who's wrong here?)

My colleague, who doesn't want any trouble and just wanted to leave, began to pack up her stuff. Feeling sorry for her, and pissed at the HR Department for thinking that they're God, I decided to make a call to the Labor Law Office to find out what is right and what an employee can do to defend him or herself should this ever happen to any one of us. (*touchwood*)

Calling the Labor Law Office, I talked to a kind lady who, after hearing about my story, told me that The Company CANNOT just terminate you as they wish. According to her, The Company will have to give you a black and white letter, saying that they no longer needed your service and is giving you an early leave…BUT they will still have to PAY YOU for the notice that you are serving, just stated in your employment contract.

In other words: they need to give you money if they want you to go before your time. (For the first time, I feel that the law is on the right side.)

In my opinion, most Malaysian employers practice some sort of invisible communism act on their employees. They always think that they are always right and they can do whatever they want to get you to work things their way. (Even though they know that it is wrong to do so.) A few every good examples of what Malaysian employers always do:

1. They tend to give the employee a RM1500 salary and claim them to be on Executive Level. In this way, the employees will not be eligible to claim overtime (OT) and the employers can now legally work them like a dog.

2. Employers will usually extend the probation period to the maximum level, (usually 4 to 6 months) so that they can NOT increase the employee's salary and save on salary.

3. Employers tend to force their employees to sign legal documents that say things like: "Top management will not be responsible for any of the employees' action," or "By signing this, I agree to be terminated by my employer without further notice."

4. Employers will force their employees to work during absurd hours of the day, like say: 6AM to 6PM on a Sunday and pay them as little as RM36 (for the whole day's work) to carry things up and down lorries and to mend booth at convention center right after completing their hard labor. (I bet even illegal immigrants earn more than that per day!)

The thing with Malaysian employees is: they know that Labor Law exist but they are too afraid to use it. Why? Because if news of them using the Labor Law against their employer spreads out, chances are, they might not be able to get another job for the rest of their life.

Most Malaysian employers are a bunch of brutal creatures that will exploit their employees as much as possible and pay them shit. An employee who fights back and sue a company with will usually lose out, thanks to something call corruption and also something call "the boss is always right" policy, which is practiced in Malaysia (and just about everywhere else in the world). The only difference is: Everywhere else in the world, employees are better treated than those who are stuck in Malaysia. The only way for us to defend ourselves is to know our rights. So, don’t be afraid to pick up the phone and call the Labor Law Office, if you have any doubt in mind.

A Jessism © 18102006

Trip To Cameron

(My apologies for the delay in this posting. Been bogged down with loads of work after I got back from the trip. Throw in an annoying colleague who doesn't know how to keep her mouth shut, an ex who can't stop bad mouthing you to everyone the both of you know, and two part time jobs with tight deadlines, I barely have time to even fart! Anyways, back to this posting...)

23 - 26 September :
Went to Cameron Highlands during the Awal Ramadan weekend, with Verlyn, Samantha and Gerrard. Of course, like most my other trips, I made a pit-stop in PJ and stayed with Amy and Keith, did some catching up (read: bitching), and had our usually Saturday night dinner together. The venue: Esquire Kitchen Bangsar.

Since Verlyn left to meet her friends early Saturday morning and won't be back till night, joining me for dinner (with Amy, Cheryl & Keith) is my ex-colleague, Melvin, who has no idea he is about to walk into something he will soon regret.

Dinner started out normal. Of course when I say normal, I meant The Addams Family kind of "normal". A conversation about my how I broke up with my ex, became a discussion on gay rights, then we talked about Cheryl's job (which till this day no one --not even Amy-- can figure out what exactly is it that she does), and of course, what is dinner without the usual talk about sex? Melvin, who doesn't like to talk about sexual preferences issue in public, is already sending out the can-we-not-discuss-about-this-issue-here vibe when we were talking about gay rights. The poor soul proceeds to receive a big-ass culture shock when Keith started to reenact one of his copulating moments: "OH GOD... I'M COMING...", that sort of thing. This, of course, attracts attention. People from the next table starts to look over to find out what is going on, and I could feel that my poor friend is on the verge of drilling a hole on the floor to hide his head in it.

Met up with Verlyn and Irene at Redbox The Curve that later night for a karaoke session. Melvin introduced us to a friend of his from Taiping, who (I think) looks like a younger version of my Cinema Online trainee, Hon Fei.

Went to Ipoh with Verlyn the next day to meet up with Gerrard and Samantha. Had our dose of nga choi kai (Beans Sprout Chicken) and spent the night at Gerrard's place before we head on to Cameron the next day.

I have never been to Cameron previously, so I was really psyched about the trip. Cameron's colder than I expected it to be. I always thought it would be something like Genting, but I was wrong. It kinda reminded me of the cold Australian weather... with mist.

Went to a local strawberry farm, which claims that they have "SELF-PLUCKING" strawberries. I don't know where the hell they got that phrase from, but it sure got our attention! Strawberries that could pluck themselves!! What a neat idea! Our sarcastic mind were hoping to see those red berries pluck themselves and just jump into our basket and follow us home, but since this is not some fucked-up Disney crap, we have to "pluck" those berries ourselves. Still... it was a great experience.

(A special thanks to our guide, who told me and Verlyn a lot about strawberries and constantly giving us tips on which berries to pick. I never knew that you can differentiate which berry is sweeter and which is sour. They all looked the same to me!)

After having our steamboat dinner that night, the four of us went home to play chor-tai-dee and had strawberries and tequila as our game snack. I don't know if it's the strawberries or the tequila, but Gerrard's face got real red. Of course, the dude claims that he's NOT drunk. (Right...) Then there's Verlyn, who, after one drink, can't even walk in straight lines. Poor girl not only bumped into the closet in her room, she also took my mobile from me when I was on the phone with my boyfriend and started telling him a bunch of things that doesn't really make sense. After she left my room and went into the living room, she proceeds to tell Gerrard that she is about to take off her bras. (Yeah... we are so going to remind her of this embarrassing moment time and time again!)

Having the apartment to ourselves after those drunks slept, Samantha and I did some catching up – the usual talk on life, work, and talked about our ex (read: serious bitching) – until 3am in the morning.

Woke up early the next morning and went photo-taking with Verlyn before we left Cameron. Since Verlyn can't remember anything that happened the night before, (apart from her encounter with the closet), it was great to torture her with images of the embarrassing thing she did. (Read: The Bra Incident!)

[Click Here for pictures from the trip.]

A Jessism © 06102006

Evolution Of Porn: Another Jessism

Talking on MSN with a friend yesterday, I was asked about men's fascination with porn. To me, it's not a fascination but it's more like watching a movie and appreciating it as a work of art.

Like movies on the big screen, which quality and various themes improve with time, porn is no exception. The genre has been improving ever since some perverted director decided that it's a brilliant idea to shoot people having sex and earn major buckaroos from it.

Here's what I think on how porn evolve:

Porn used to be a tape filled with random clips of people having a go at it. From vanila sex to threesome to orgies, etc. Then it became a collection of random sex clips featuring different men and women of different ethnicity playing out its viewer's deepest fantasies. Think: women with huge boobs, men with huge dicks, men and women in different kinky costumes and uniform, and etc.

Like all Hollywood filmmakers, the porn makers ran out of ideas. After boringly titled porns like "Debbie Does Dallas", "The Curse Of Debbie Does Dallas", "Debbie Does Dallas 3", "Debbie Does Washington", and god-knows-how-many-other-places-Debbie-did, it became: "Oh shit! We are running out of places to let Debbie do!!" So one day, a brilliant porn maker came up with a brilliant money making idea. "Why don't we sex-up movies other real filmmakers are doing?" And that's how we came to have cool porn titles such as: "There's Something About Mary's Vagina", "The Sperminator", "Throbbin' Hood", "A Midsummer Night's Cream", "Black Cock Down", "Romeo at Joliet", "The Da Vinci Load", "Star-Whores"... you get the idea. Stuff like that that would make people keep watching and supporting the porn industry. (NOTE: All the tiles are real. Enter those titles into Google and you'll be surprise of what you'll find!.)

Of course, porn is not just about sex, it is also about cinematography. Instead of the usual bedroom scenes, porn also takes us on a journey to places we never been before, showing us the beautiful sceneries of various countries. Think "Out Of Africa" (Africa), "Greek Holiday" (Greece), "An American In Prague" (Prague), "Piña Colada" (Brazil), and etc.

THEN...to make things more interesting and much more exciting for its already horny and growing community of viewers, as well as to coincide with the fad of the new millennium, porn makers created "The Bang Bus" series. Defined by Wikipedia as "the best known and biggest reality porn sites on the Internet", "The Bang Bus" is Reality-Porn at its best! The series basically make up of three men: the driver, the camera man, and a random man who is usually good looking and gets to engage in sexual intercourse with a random woman picked off the street.

Of course, like good reality TV-series, the reality porn-series was quickly copied and it became "The Bait Bus". Like it's sister porn-series, "The Bait Bus" is also made up of three people: the driver (guy), a bait (a women), and a random man (guy). The main objective of the show is to pick up any young and good looking men get on street and trick them into having sex with another guy. (Yes, if you haven't already guessed, it's gay porn.) In "The Bait Bus", viewers will get to see what it takes for a straight guy to go gay. It's reality porn at its best!

Women always think that porns are for men, but that is not entirely true, because women are part of an important viewer's group as well. I cant remember the title, but I remember there's one where the show started off with a slutty dressed but gorgeous woman putting on some sort of virtual reality gadget which allows her to see a lot of hot (and I mean drop dead gorgeous) men, striping off to the screen and touching themselves and all that stuff, minus the fucking. This lasted almost throughout the whole show, and right at the end of the show, the women supposedly picked one of the best men out of the lot and eventually gets screwed by him. A porn of such nature would definitely not attract straight male audience because:

1. Not enough naked women
2. Not much screen time featuring naked women getting screwed
3. No ugly looking men were featured (all the men in the porn are too good damn good looking it lowers their self esteem)
4. Too many men touching themselves = gay (If a straight man wanna see a guy touching himself, he would usually prefer something call "the mirror", which is rumored to make a certain 'object' look bigger.)

What I don't get is: In countries where porn is not much of a big deal and the government admitted that their country people do have sex from time to time, has something call the "Sex Video Shop". In the shop, you have workers like those working in Tower Records, coming up to you asking you if they could assist you in finding the porn of your choice. They will be able to tell you which one is better and worth watching, and which one is better than the other.

My question is: Aren't all porn the same? It's just a show with people getting at it! So why bother with the title?

Another thing that bugs the hell out of me is: Don't these workers have a life? How is he/she able to identify which porn is better than the other? Did he/she watch all the porns in the shop to acquire such skills?

A Jessism © 15092006

Virginity Lost: A Jessism

I have to admit it. I don't know how I can keep doing all these weird things I do and still have what OXFORD dictionary defined as "person ones know and likes".

My recent curiosity about girls losing their virginity got me asking a bunch of girl friends of mine a bunch of weird questions about them losing their virginity. Now I know there are truck loads of you girls out there who had have premarital sex. Yes, I understand "it's not premarital sex, if you're not planning to get married". But what I don't get is: how come when you ask girls about it, they're always saying things like: "aiyeer, why you so hamsup wan?" Well, all I can say is: "If you dare to do it, just admit it!"

Anyway, here's what I got from my girls, who are kind (and brave) enough to help me kill my curiosity and still not block me on their MSN. Hahaha... thank you, girls..


SUBJECT 1
Is it true that sex hurts for the first time?
I didn't feel the pain at all.

So is it true that sex is like drug that you will crave for?
We do. But not as much as guys, I think.

I know guys can just "settle" their urges, but how does a girl deal with theirs?
This is too much already. Next question!

Then, how about this: do girls masturbate?
I don't think all does, but yes, girls do masturbate.


SUBJECT 2 (NOTE: She asked to be credited.)
Is it true that sex hurts for the first time for girls?
Can't remember, I think it does. Unless you are fucking high and can't even remember what's pain. Of course, that's very hard to achieve cos guys are very bad in foreplay.

What about the bleeding?
The bleeding is because the hymen breaks. Now if a girl don't do sports, don't do martial arts, and don't spread their legs for any other purposes, you might still able to see the blood. But most of the girls now wont' have it anymore, as it's already broken due to other factors.

One more: Do girls masturbate?
Don't underestimate them. They usually touch "the button" but seldom insert. The insert is just to get the juice for smoother button pressing/ touching/ caressing. Normally, self insert will not achieve orgasm, but THAT also depends la... And yes, the clit can give a very orgasmic feeling.


SUBJECT 3
Is it true that sex hurts for the first time?
YES! It was like, oh-my-fucking-gawd... sakit sampai nak mampus, ok?!

Did you stop the bugger?
Hell, yah! I kicked him!

But you guys somehow did it again, right?
NO! He was too big la... dah lah I was a virgin, and he's American. Anyway, we tried it, but cannot. Sakit la.

What about the craving? Some girls claim that they have "urges" to have sex from time to time.
Yes, for some women at least. I know I do sometimes.


SUBJECT 4
Is it true that sex hurts for the first time?
It wasn't painful at all. There was only a little discomfort on entry.

So why didn't you stop the bugger and say something like: "get off me, you shit!"?
(laughs) If everyone were to think that.. no one would have sex!

What about the bleeding thing? i heard something is supposed to like, break, or something like that?
You know, we don't actually bleed a whole bag of blood.

Shit, so you really do bleed? How can that bastard still go on when there's blood involved???? The correct mindset is to get band-aid when one sees blood!!!
Prolly because he can't see it? The only time you realize there's blood is on the condom.

Why can't you just say "it hurts, asshole!" and get him to stop it?!
It wasn't painful at all. It's uncomfortable initially but then... woah!

Then, is it true that sex is like drug that you will crave for?
I wouldn't say crave, that's too strong. It's more like an "urge". It's like feeling horny.

So how does a girl deal with theirs "urges" when one occurs?
No comment. Pleasuring oneself is so taboo in Asia. It's like a hidden secret.


[A big thanks to all the girls who told me about their first time experiences. (Those who didn't make it into this blog, 'thank you also har...') Also a special thanks to + l a a . l a a + for helping me with the picture.]

A Jessism © 08092006

Penis Worshipers?!

A friend of mine who just came back from Korea told me that the Koreans worship penises. Well, jess being jess, I thought: That bugger must be going out of his mind. So when I saw my ex-colleague Lin, who is now studying in Korea, online, I asked her if it's true that Koreans worships penises. And guess what she answered?

"Oh, I just went to a phallus museum on the weekend." (Right… Not exactly the answer I was expecting.)

Here's what I think: A museum is a place where you can see all those ancient artifacts, relics, antiques, dinosaur fossils, and all sorts of weird stuff people back in the non-so-modern world used. But what is there to be seen in a Phallus Museum?! Fossilized dino-penises from the Stone Age? Ancient stone-made vibrators? Mummified penis of King Cock? I mean, come on! Are you guys serious?! A museum filled with dicks?!

According to Lin, the museum not only has a fence which is made out of penises, the place is also filled with drawings, sculptures, and even idols! Sculptures of giant phallus, I can still accept. But idols?! All that came to mind was: A museum with a lot of weird looking naked idols with huge kahoonas hanging between their legs.

Lin logged out before I can post her another question: "Are all Korean men gay, or at least bisexual?" I mean, they have to be either or to be worshiping penises, right? And what are those people who visit the museum say to one another? Especially one straight man to another? "My god, that's a beautifully drawn/sculpted penis?!" Like that is ever going to happen.

A Jessism © 21082006

"Wisdom" My Ass!

I don't know whose brilliant idea it is to call the wisdom tooth the "wisdom tooth". First of all, I think I'm already smart enough. With an IQ of over 125, I don't need a stupid tooth's approval to show that I have enough wisdom to make it through this stupid life. By the way, did I mention that it hurts like hell?!

Relationship Woes

When you don't have it, you long for it; when you have it, you wish you're never involved in the first place.

They say, "Be careful what you wish for", and it's true. (Honestly, I dunno who "they" are, but "they" seems to have a lot to say, and I hate "them" for always being right.) I used to wish that I wouldn't live a crappy single life, so getting attached was the best thing that happened to me this year. This person is very nice to me, treats me well, took care of me when I was sick… I'm a sucker for the little things people do for me, and he is good at those "little things". It's really great not to live a lonely and boring life anymore.

But of late I've been questioning myself: What is love? How far would you love somebody? Does loving someone meaning that you will forgive the person no matter what he or she does? That you will be able to see pass the person's flaws and mistakes, and continue to love the person until the end of time?

In reality, a husband who finds his wife cheating on him would go into a raging temper, and would possibly kill her for ruining his manly-man image; whereas a wife who finds out about his unfaithful husband would have to deal with the fact that the man who used to love her doesn't love him anymore. The worse part of all this is: the society agrees that a woman should always stay faithful to her husband. But what happens when a man is unfaithful? He gets away with it and the society will blame the wife for not doing a good job, or else the husband wouldn't have left.

But what happens when your other half tells you that he or she is unfaithful to you, and claiming that he or she will not let it happen again? Will you forgive this person? Now do remember that this is a person that you claim to love forever and ever with your life, so help you God. After all, this person came clean to you and admitted his or her wrong doing. God did teach us to be forgiving, you know.

Well, here's what I think: Screw God's teaching. Screw being a forgiving person. I say, we should burn these people at the stakes, like what they do to the witches in the olden days!!!

Okay, just kidding.

Yes, I think people like this should be punished, but not to the extent that you burn alive. It's so very wrong for them to do what they did in the first place. But I'm just curious: How many of you out there will see pass what had happened and forgive them for what they did? My guess is: 100% of the guys out there will agree to the burning, while 50% (or more) of the women out there will say that they will look pass the flaws and forgive the person eventually.

Here's my question to all of you, who are willing to give a feedback:

1. What would you do if your other half tells you what he (or she) did?
2. Will you be able to forgive this person's infidelity?
3. How many of you out there will see pass what had happened?

A Jessism © 16072006

Jess In Aussie

Took my first long-distance vacation to Australia recently. But somehow, my vaccation turned into a rumour that goes something like: "jess migrated to Australia, with his boyfriend." Right... if only any of it were true.

Anyway... My flight touched down in Melbourne on 29 June. It was mid-winter when I reached, but when I alight from the plane, I didn't feel any difference. Melbourne ain't that bad, it's just like Genting Highlands. After collecting my luggage, met up with my friend (Olivia), and step out of the airport, all I can think of is: "Bloody-fucking-hell! This place is like a freezer!!" The temperature that night was only 13C, which technically speaking it shouldn't be freezing cold. But thanks in no small part to the strong wind; this place feels like an open air freezer. During the day, when the sun is out, the place is warm and bearable, but when the sun sets, it's like hell freezes over all over again.

Took a flight to Sydney, two days after I reached Melbourne. The air in Sydney is not as cold compared to Melbourne, but it is also not as clean. Although things are well organized, you can still see rubbish everywhere and people spitting on the streets, especially in Chinatown. I then head on to the Goldcoast, after a 3-day-2-night stay in Sydney. A very beautiful place to be, the Goldcoast is very beach boy's and surfer's paradise: beautiful sandy beaches, clean ocean water, nice beautiful waves, seagulls attacking people with food... I'm not kidding. The seagulls here are scary. The minute they see food being left unattended, all hell breaks loose!

Despite my complain of how dirty Sydney is, compared to the Goldcoast and Melbourne, Malaysia is still the worst! Apart from our dirty surroundings in Malaysia, we also came in third in Readers' Digest's recent study, as the country with the rudest people!

Let's start with the people: I don't know how they accomplish this, but people here are darn polite! You'll hear people greeting one another on the street, you hear people thanking the bus driver as they alight from the bus, the car park attendant giving you a million dollar smile and asking how's your day before collecting your parking ticket from you... it's all about courtesy! Take the LRT for example. In Malaysia, when people see the LRT comes by, everyone will rush to the door push everyone aside and squeeze themselves into the damn train. In Australia, people actually queue even though there are NO lines to indicate where the queue starts, and they would allow people to get out of the train before going in an orderly manner.

Buses: In Australia, the bus drivers actually greet almost everyone who gets on the bus! (Talk about good service!) It's no wonder everyone shouts a loud "Thank You" to the bus driver before they get down from the bus.

Cars: Who are we trying to kid? Malaysian drivers are like drivers from hell if compared to Australian drivers. I've been here for almost two weeks and I still haven't heard a car honking during a traffic jam. Cars here even stop to allow pedestrians to cross at a junction, instead of rushing themselves through first.

Workers: In Australia, even the garbage men will give a million-dollar smile and greet you like how you are always greeted at Starbucks; unlike our beloved country where the garbage men looked like they are soaked in garbage and they hate their job.

Officers: I was stopped at the immigration checkpoint when I was entering the country -- just a routine questioning session -- the officers were very polite and treated you as if you were his friend. The police here even use the words "please", "thank you", "good day" and get this: "how are you?", unlike our rude, impolite and corrupted policemen who only know to say: "IC MANA?"

GLTB: Although the acceptance of the GLTB community is not very high in Australia, everyone are treated as equal here. It reminds me of a sweet and memorable sight I saw while taking the mini bus in Penang. (click here to read) In Australia, every gay and lesbian couple, are just as equal as any heterosexual couples out there. You'll see gay/lesbian couples holding hands while taking a stroll in the park, without getting any weird look from passersby. I can't imagine this happening in Malaysia, and it probably won't. That couple I saw on the mini bus might just be the only time I get to see something of such happening in Malaysia.

Will be going back to Malaysia tonight and I'm sure going to miss the courtesy experienced here in Australia. One thing I won't miss is the super-cold weather in Melbourne. =P

Next stop: Europe!

(NOTE: Click here for photos.)

A Jessism © 09072006

Of Acrophobia & Flying Aluminum Tubes

I'm afraid of heights. I can't look down from the second level railing of a shopping mall, or I'll get all weak and queasy. So I really don't get why when falling from great heights can cause instant death, people just have to do even more dangerous things to get you high. First, they invent flying aluminum tubes the size of a Brontosaurus. As if that is not crazy enough, they stuff the aluminum tube with shitloads of explodable stuff. As if that is still not enough, they pump the Bronto-aluminum tube with highly flammable fluids. Then to make things more interesting, they decided to stuff a couple hundred of living people in it, before plopping it up in the air, and charge the living "specimens" a bomb for it. It's crazy.

We know that a motorcycle crash can crack your head open like a watermelon dropping on the floor. Instead of coming out with ways to PREVENT motorcycle from being produced, we invent something to protect the "watermelon"! It's as if we're saying: "it's ok to crash in a motorcycle accident now, your head will be safe... but we don't guarantee other parts of your body will be."

Let's not get sidetracked here.

Like I said, I'm afraid of heights. But these days, if you wanted to get somewhere far, fast, (and expensive) the only solution is to fly. Being afraid of heights, flying is definitely a hugeass no-no for me. I can still remember the first time I went on a plane. I was put on an Air Asia flight by Star Cineplexes, to go cover an event in Sarawak. The trip totally freaked me out. I almost peed in my pants when the plane took off, and while it was landing. I thought I was going to die young.

The second time I got on a plane was this year's Chinese New Year, where I took a MAS flight from JB to Kedah. The flight was smooth, and I was about to forget about the fact that I’m way up high. Then the captain spoke: "you are gazillion of feet above sea level and you will die if we crash. But don't worry, the weather outside is beautiful. It's going to be a beautiful day to die, if we do crash." Well, he didn't exactly say that, but that's what it sounded like to me.

"Oh, look to your left, there's Oceanic Air Flight 815. Don't worry; I won't crash on some weird island like they are about to."

Tomorrow, I will once again walk myself into an aluminum tube for a long flight. Pray hard for me, so I don't end up on some weird island... That is unless the island is filled with gorgeous Bel Ami model-looking hunks, then it's a different story...

An Original Jessism © 28062006

A Pornographic Lesson

Had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine yesterday.

You see, I always thought that you can pick up foreign language from porn. Yes, porn. I mean, the words keep repeating, there are actions to show you what it means... you should be able to get the hang of it in no time.

Take American porn for example: Words like "faster", "harder", "fuck me", "suck me", "lick me" (and etc.), keep repeating throughout. With the accompanying action, it should be easy to catch on after a few minutes, right? Same goes for Jap-porn: people having sex, girl getting screwed say the magic word, "yamateh", and guy started screwing her shitless... you should get the picture of what it meant, right?

Ok, anyway, back to my story. I saw this friend of mine having the word "YAMATEH", in caps, on her MSN nick. Through my experience from watching Japanese porn and seeing the action that accompanied it: seeing that the girl in the porn did get screwed shitless, i assume it should by default means "fuck me", or "fuck me harder", right? Wrong!

Apparently, this friend of mine told me that the word meant "advance", or something like that, which now brings me to:

Why the hell would anyone sane yell "ADVANCE" in bed?

Just imagine you having sex with your partner and the person suddenly screams "Advance! ADvance! ADVANCE!" My natural instinct would be to slap the person left and right before asking: "what the hell is wrong with you?"

An almost similar conversation came up last weekend while I was having lunch with my KL housemates. Talk about weird table topics... the pervious time I was in KL, it was sexual escapades, this time around: things you say in bed.

While having lunch at a Vietnamese restaurant, to prove that he is right when saying that university professors are bad in bad, Keith suddenly acts out loud what a professor might say in bed: "Add friction! Higher velocity... YES! YES! EUREKA!!!" And if you know keith, you know "loud" when I say "loud". Even people from the table at the end of the restaurant were looking over. (Sometimes I wonder why these restaurants have no table when we go over, now it's starting to get obvious...)

A Jessism © 21062006

God Protect Me...

Sometimes some people just need to learn to keep their mouth shut. If you have nothing to say, just keep quiet!

Was out with my boyfriend and a couple of friends during the weekend. During a conversation, a friend of ours brought up the subject of religion. Not that i have anything against anybody's religion, but I just wanted to say that: I'm a Buddhist, don't try to change, or convert, me!

This girl, who is a Christian, told my boyfriend (who also happens to be a Christian) to convert me to Christianity. I told her that my boyfriend and I have got no problem with our difference in religion so far, and I don't see why we should change that. Instead of taking the hint and keeping her mouth shut, she started this whole thing about 101 reasons why he should be doing so.

This one good reason why I don't like these people. I know you think your God is oh-so-great, and I respect Him. But don't come telling me that I should be one of His many followers and 101 good reasons and benefit and I can from it. This is not groceries we're talking about. Don't come promoting it to me like some fucking commercial; telling me why I should change my detergent!

I've said this a lot of times, and I'll say it again.

I don't care whatever fuck your religion is. And I don't give a damn how fucking great you think your religion is. Every person has their right to believe what they want. So don't fucking try that religion hard sell thing on me! Don't come telling me this bullshit about what I should believe! You wanna be Christian, fine with me. Just don't fucking come to my friends and ask them to "lead me to the right path".

I'm a Buddhist, and I'm happy with it. Deal with it!

International AIDS Candlelight Memorial 2006

Got an email from Matt Damon this morning, and learn that the U.S. Senate is poised to slash billions of dollars from plans to fight AIDS and poverty. Sigh... isn't it good to know what the government is doing to NOT help those who are in need? Anyway, no time for sarcasm.

The main focus of this post is to inform all of you about the 23^rd Annual AIDS Candlelight Memorial, which will be held on May 21 (Sunday).

The largest grassroots AIDS event in the world, the original annual International AIDS Candlelight Memorial was held in San Francisco and New York in 1983, when the cause of AIDS was unknown and no more than a few thousand AIDS deaths had been recorded. Now being observed simultaneously in over 300 cities worldwide, the International AIDS Candlelight Memorial which takes place on the third Sunday of May every year, is to remember those who have passed away, support those who are living, educate the public and community leaders, raise awareness and decrease stigma related to HIV/AIDS.

If you wish to participate in this year's Candlelight Memorial, feel free contact any of the following coordinators:

Malaysia
Malaysian AIDS Council
Coordinator: Mona Sheikh Mahmud
No 12, Jln 13/48A, Boulevard Shop Office,Off Jln Sentul
Kuala Lumpur, 51000
Malaysia
Tel: +603 4045 1033
Fax: +603 4042 6133
Email: mona@mac.org.my
Website: www.mac.org.my

Catholic Mission Kuala Terengganu
Coordinator: Rainer Rotthoff
5,Jalan SG 8/11,Tmn.Sri Gombak
Batu Caves, Selangor 68100
Malaysia
Tel: 0060 19 743 723 2
Email: rainersg@yahoo.com

Pelangi Community Foundation
Coordinator: Rainer Rotthoff
5 Jalan SG 8/11, Taman Sri Gombak
Batu Caves, Selangor 68100
Malaysia
Tel: 0060197437232
Email: rainersg@yahoo.com
Website: www.pelangifoundation.org

Positive Living Malaysia
Coordinator: Benerdick Monteiro
43C, Jalan SS 15/4,
Subang Jaya,, Selangor, 47500
Malaysia
Tel: 603 5635 5535
Fax: 603 5636 5535
Email: ben560122@yahoo.com

United Nations Children's Fund, (Malaysia Country Office)
Coordinator: Indra Nadchatram
Wisma UN, Block C, Kompleks Pejabat Damansara, Jalan Dungun,
Damansara Heights, Kuala Lumpur, Wilayah Persekutuan 50490
Malaysia
Tel: (+6.03) 2095 9157
Fax: (+6.03) 2093 0582
Email: inadchatram@unicef.org
Website: www.unicef.org

Family Planning Association Malacca
Coordinator: Ms Mehalah Lingam
Dewan Hang Tuah, Jalan Hang Tuah
Melaka, Melaka 75300
Malaysia
Tel: 06-2844474
Fax: 06-2813969
Email: fpamel@po.jaring.my
Website: http://www.ffpam.org.my

Pelangi Community Foundation
Coordinator: Azmi bin Uda
1583,Jalan Jambu Bongkok,Kp.Jambu Bongkok,Mercang
Dungun, Terengganu 23300
Malaysia
Tel: 0060193604031
Email: rainer@pelangifoundation.org
Website: www.pelangifoundation.org


Singapore
Coordinator: Mr. Herman Lim
Blk 135 Bedok North St 2 #07-135
Singapore, Singapore 460135
Singapore
Tel: 93637191
Email: hmtiga@yahoo.com

Patient Care Centre/ CDC/TTSH
Coordinator: Ms. S. Mary Stevens
11, Jalan Tan Tock Seng
Singapore, Singapore 308433
Singapore
Tel: 065-6357949
Fax: 065-2524056
Email: stevens_mary@ttsh.com.sg

Do show your support for this event, and let the families and friends of those who have passed away due to HIV/AIDS related complications know that they are not alone and the community is being mobilized to support them.

To learn more about the International AIDS Candlelight Memorial, or to be a coordinator/sponsor for the Candlelight Memorial, log on to www.candlelightmemorial.org, or click on the banner below.

A Day At The Registration Office: An Interview

A friend of mine recently went to the Registration Office to get himself certified as a Malaysian. Talking to him to find out what happen, we ended up discussing more than just his experience at the Registration Office. A guy with a mind of his own, he also shares his views about our current government, and what he would do to better the country…

(BOLD - Me…, Italic - Him…)

I heard you went to the registration office to get yourself certified as a Malaysian, how did that happen??
More and more places are deciding to reject the old IC, including banks. Having missed the December 2005 deadline, I decided to go get it done once and for all wanted to go to the office in Kota Damansara, but unfortunately no one could find the way, so I detour all the way to PJ State.

How could you missed the deadline in the first place?
Well, lack of annual leave to go. Unfortunately just having started work, I have no leave, and the government doesn't make it compulsory for employers to give us a day off to go settle it.

I see.. so how was the treatment at the registration office?
Well, we reached there and it was as empty as a haunted house. Even the government staff were missing, except for one or two counters.

Msising?
Yeap, there were a total of 18 counters but only 8 staff. So (I would say) 10 people missing? Don't know where they went. Maybe minum teh tarik?

So, do you think the government should give a compulsory leave for everyone to renew their identity card/licenses etc?
Well, at least half a day. Its not our fault that they wanted to change the perfectly alright IC to the Mykad, which by the way is full of shit and problems. They said the Mykad cannot be forged... WRONG!

Well, the government seems to be very staunch and confidence on Mykad and its usage.
Read the star newspaper. Apparently there are some problems with the Mykad, that's why they took away that "over the top" compound. Previously they wanted to fine RM40 for (people aged) 25 and below, and my mom would (have to) pay a RM200 plus fine being in the (age) 35 and above range. But I was charged RM10 for the card, which is a hell lot better than RM40 or RM200. You know? That "compound" table is still on their website… for a government that places so much importance on technology and ICT, they don’t even update their website

So, do you think your new Mykad will change your life?
Mykad? Change my life? Sure. Previously they had me listed as Christian, as of today, I set the record straight and I'm now a Buddhist, and there was a slight problem with my finger print. Apparently new one didnt match old one, so I have to wait an extra 2 months on top of the normal 2 months to get my IC.

Wait. How did you mysteriously become a Christian in the first place?
I have no idea. I have never listed myself as a Christian. They must have assumed that since I'm Eurasian I'm a Christian. Does that mean I screwed up the last population census? Because they apparently had one extra Christian lying around.

I hope they didn't put you through hell in getting that changed.
The lady at the counter gave me a look and said, "sini tulis Christian." And then I said, "bukan, saya Buddhist." Then she examined my face, went to another pc and clicks around, then she asked me, "tapi you Eurasian kan?" Then I said, "ya, Eurasian and Buddhist." Being mixed screws up a lot of people's thinking.

What about the finger prints changes?
She told my mom it must be because of the detergent, which causes my skin to crack and thus the change in fingerprint, which is bullshit! I don’t do enough washing up for anything to crack and fingerprints never change! I assume the previous arse screwed up the scanning, or didn’t get a clear read.

So what do you think of the overall performance from our friendly governmental staff at the registration office?
I think (the lady who served me) was slightly moody, but besides that i guess it was ok. I just thank god that there wasn’t (a lot of people) there, if not her mood would be even worse.

Are you disappointed that they didn't smile and perform up to stand like the government always said their workers would be?
(Laughs) I never expect government staff to smile. Expecting them to smile would be like expecting Sadam to confess to his crimes or bush to get an IQ.

you think it's natural for government staff to be unfriendly?
They aren’t naturally unfriendly. They just lack emotion. Something like a brick wall.

What do you think causes the difference? I mean, we have all those smiley faces at Starbucks, and even 7-eleven that operates 24 hours a day, have their staff always smiling and greeting their guests. Why do you think governmental officers achieve the same?
Well, government officers are exactly Starbucks material. A bit of hard work and they fall to pieces. It seems that they want an easy life; something which I think the government has been providing them.

So you think this has to do with the big fat paycheck that they get?
(Laughs) Yeah, and all the fringe benefits as well. Everyone knows that government officers have great benefits: housing, pension, etc.

But aren't all these supposed to motivate them instead of demotivating them?
When the government just gives it to them regardless of performance, it tells them "what the hell, good or bad performance, I still get my benefits", whereas at other corporations/companies, its all performance based what you get is based on what you give.

So do you think the government can do to improve their their staff performance, then?
Well, they sure need to change their modus operandi,

Let's say if you are the government, aren't you afraid that by taking away their benefits, they're going to go on a strike? And lose all your workers?
There are tons of unemployed people out there... so what if they go on strike. I'm sure the positions will be filled up faster than you can say "hire me".

But new blood still needs time to train.
Time to train? The job is straight forward. I think the unemployed grads wont have a problem fitting in.. and with those type of benefits... it would be so easy to attract people in

But that still doesn't attract a lot of unemployed people to become a teacher, or join the police force, or the army.
Well, lets just put it this way, government offices are mostly filled with a single race, as for teaching, the benefits are not the same and the job is harder; police force, not many people plan to catch robbers in Malaysia; army… doesn’t exactly have a great reputation.

So you think race is an issue when it comes to governmental vacancies especially office desk-job?
Well, yeah. The Chinese and Indians most probably can’t get it so easily, but the government would place one or two here or there, just so that they can say there is no discrimination... but (they) are just putting them in there for the sake of a good name.

So what do you think could solve this? Obviously a quota can't be right for jobs.
Quota...? There should just be equal opportunity. Whoever is suitable should get the job. Those who are already working there won't feel so great because they know that there are more people wanting their position, but with the current "hire a certain race" policy, I guess they are feeling protected.

So you think that policy should be lifted?
Well, lets just say I think government offices should be more competitive like your beloved Starbucks and other companies in the private sector.

But dun you think by taking that away, the "certain race" might not be happy as well?
(Laughs) Well if they are unhappy, all I can say is that our government caused it. By sheltering them, the government has in fact made them inefficient.

So you're implying that a revolution is needed for everything to start over again?
Well, revolution would be too drastic. As with everything in life -- baby steps of change; just don’t remain stagnant.

Agree or disagree? Post your comment here.

An Original Jessism © 15052006

Lunch At Kyushu

Went for lunch with my colleague at a Japanese Restaurant today. Had the usual set lunch we always order. Today, the girl who always serves us seems a little down. She was always very energetic and all, but today she just looked sad.

Anyway, after lunch, I saw her at the cashier, and Jess being Jess, me with my big fat mouth just have to ask: "Are you ok? You seem tired today." And she started blushing and said something about how I always notice her. Then as I was about to turn and leave with my colleagues, she asked me to hold on a sec and proceed to give me her card! Which is great.... if I'm straight. My colleagues, who know that I'm not, started laughing, which makes her blush even more.

At that very moment, I really don't know what to do! I've had girls coming up to tell me that they like me, and send me lovey-dovey smses, but a call card??? I never had that before! Should I take her card? Should say "it's ok, I don't need your card. I'm gay."? Well, she already looked sad and she's now blushing. So Jess took her card, while making a mental note to himself that he should NEVER go back to that shop for lunch, ever again.

State Bird

Malaysia doesn't have a national bird, but if I were to have the chance to pick a state bird for just ONE out of the 14 states in Malaysia. I'll definitely pick Johor.

As some of you might have already known, I moved to JB September last year. Life in JB is boring. There's nothing interesting about this place: the food are expensive (thanks in no small part to all those Singaporeans who keep coming over here and spoil the market price), the queue in the supermarkets are always long (again, thanks to-you-know-who), and thanks to influences from across the border, people here are also very kiasu – If you say you are number one, they will say they are number zero so that they can be better than you, not knowing that zero means you're just shit.

If you ask me what's interesting in Johor, I would have to say: to walk under a row of trees and try to avoid bird shit from dropping on your head.

There are more crows here than you can find anywhere else in Malaysia. If you think Butterworth is bad, you should come to JB. It’s like playing one of those Nintendo games where you try to avoid the bomb from dropping on your head. Only in this version you literally get "shit on you".

If Sarawak is famous for the hornbill, Johor's state bird should bloody be crow!

A Jessism © 24042006

A Queer Weekend

Still trying to recover from the tiring weekend.

Went to KL on Friday evening after work in order to do a belated birthday dinner with Keith on Saturday night. As if no able to get a bus to KL immediately isn't bad enough, I got on a slow and loud bus which only departs from JB 2 hours after I reach the bus terminal and only reached KL 5 hours later. (The bus driver was very slow.)

Saw this cute looking Pakistanis who kept smiling at me when I look his way, and we somehow ended up on the same bus and sitting next to each other. Didn't talk much, maybe because of the language barrier. He speaks little English with a think accent, and I don't speak Urdu. So we pretty much sat quietly throughout the trip. I remember his age (22), but I don't recall his name. I think it's Something Mustapha. Nice eyes. Nice smile. Nice lips. =þ Joanne smsed me and told me to keep my hands to myself. But half way through the trip... let's just say that I didn't exactly listen to her. My dark side got the better of me.

Had a late nite supper with Irene after reaching KL. Went to Ming Tian with her, Puah Yyin and Ying Xing. Irene ordered some dim sum, not because she's hungry for it, but the purple colored siew mai looks pretty. We also had ikan bakar, a couple of char siew pau, prawn noodles, ho yip fan and a couple of Ming Tian's super-sized fruit juices. (I know there's more, just can't remember what we had.) When she sent me back to SS2, it was already 3am.

Had breakfast with Keith on Saturday morning (about 10am). Did some catching up -- it's nice to do that after so long, I really miss him and the rest of the gang. Of course, I told him about what I did in the bus. (LOL...) In exchange, he told me a shocking update on a mutual friends of ours. I'm still trying to stomach what he told me today. Can't believe my ears. Keith doesn't do gossip (as I know), so hearing the news, I know it's not just some rumor. I don't think I have the right to repeat the story here, so I'm just gonna to sum it up as: something that involves the unthinkable, some beating up of innocent people, and some money. Until I hear it from the person who is involved, on the reason(s) behind it, I'm not gonna comment further on this.

Went for lunch with Amy and Cheryl (like, less than 2 hours after having breakfast with Keith.. I really don't know how I managed it). We went to Jeevans' in Bangsar. Had some nice banana leaf rice, did more catching up. Told her about the proposal that someone has been throwing my way. Their conclusion were pretty much the same as mine. "Don't decide until (the person) comes over and show his face."

Had a less-than-one-hour nap before Amy wakes me up. We talked a bit. Sigh... I really missed living with them. Just then, Keith came back from his class and said, "Jess jacked some stranger off in the bus last night!" It was at that point when I realize how wrong I was to tell him the incident during breakfast. Amy kept saying how proud of me she felt, and I finally owe them ice-cream. I wonder if I can feed them the bucket of Häagen-Dazs that Tye still owes me. Hmmm...

Went to Plaza Damas' Paddington Pancakes for dinner that evening, after finishing my story of what happened, Without Cheryl (she went for a family dinner). Honestly, I love the place, but the menu is just too friggin' thick! It's like reading through a magazine! And (as usual) before you can finish going through it, the waiter comes along and goes: "Can I take your order now?" Of course, you may fucking not!! Can't you see that I'm trying to read a magazine?!!

CJ arrived shortly after the three of us got there. So we talked abit while waiting for the rest (Bern and friend, Ting Ting, and Siu-Fan) to arrive. Amy asked CJ something about where can she download the 'film' that he was in. And me with my big fat mouth just have to ask: "what film?", which prompts Keith to suddenly turn to CJ and said: "Jess had sex last night!" I almost sprayed my ice lemon tea back out. The price to pay for being curious.

I swapped story with CJ: It turns out that he had sex with someone in the bathroom and someone else caught the thing on camera phone! As we are swapping stories, I felt like what happened to us (me and CJ) can either be a good plot for some porn flick, or (with the news from Keith this morning) something that only happens in "Queer As Folk".

Bitched about how a certain group of idiots pronounce "Queer As Folk" as "Queens of Fok", a certain beauty pageant bimbo who uttered the phrase "God Breast You!" on stage, a woman who keeps her dead dog in her freezer, a girl who only cleans her side of the toilet and hides her toiletries.... I'm telling you, it's the perfect setting for the Malaysian version of "Queer As Folk".

Dinner ended at about 11pm plus, and we went back to SS2 for more bitching catching-up.

Siu-Fan doesn't understand why we (me and Keith) decided not to tell Amy about the incident, but we just couldn't do it. Maybe it's better for those who are involved to break the news than someone who hears it from the person involved? I dunno. Of course we talked about other things besides the incident, and the whole thing ended close to 4am!

It's good to be back in KL and hang out with the bunch of them again after so long, especially Keith and Amy. Too bad I have to rush back to JB. Sigh... missing them already.

A Jessism © 17042006

Love Equation

Awhile back, someone gave me something that look sort-of like an equation to love. According to this person:

Relationship will leads to sex;
No relationship = No sex
No sex = No good communication
No good communication= No love
No love = No trust
No trust = No marriage
No marriage= No kid
No kid = No responsibility
No responsibility = No happy life

Seemingly weird, I told another friend of mine about the equation and asked for his opinion, I got another equation:

No sex = No long term relationship
No long term relationship = No communications
No communication = No trust/love

I guess to different people, the equation might be different, but here's what I think:

Love is not exactly an equation but a procedure. It's like baking a cake. You have your ingredients, your recipe to follow and with the right timing, you'll have yourself a successful, presentable and (most importantly) edible cake.

You can choose not to follow the recipe, but there's a high chance your cake might not come out like the picture in your recipe book. Heck, sometimes even if you follow the procedure, your cake might not turn out the way you want it to be! On rare occasions, some can bake the best cake in the world with just one try; others will have to try and try again before the perfect cake is baked.

Love is like that. If you fail, you try again, and again (if you have to), until you get it right.

You might take a few short cuts here and there and cheat a little bit in the amount of ingredients you use, hoping that your cake will still come out the same. Sometimes it does, some times it doesn't.

To me, the procedure works this way:

First the avowal, the date, the holding hands, the inevitable kiss,
more dates, and more kisses, and then, when the time is right, sex.

As long as the procedure is right, it doesn't matter whether there’s a happy ending in the end. Of course, if there is, all the better.

A Jessism © 24022006

Memories...

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want, either good or bad. I promise not to go after you with a pistol despite what you say.

February

February has been a quite a month.

First there's CNY, which I finally show face after skipping it last year. The result was a fantastic reunion dinner with my mother's side of the family and a couple of long chatty catch-up sessions with a couple of my cousins which I haven't seen for ages. (Okay, not literally "ages", but it sure felt like forever…) Then there's the expensive air tickets. To avoid the agony of having to sit in a bus for 32 hours (to and fro), I decided to take a flight. The trip cost me close to RM800!! Of course, it burst my monthly budget. Thank god February is a short month!

After CNY is the dreadful day where flowers are as expensive as a bowl of shark's fin soup; the day where your partner will literally kill you if you don't get him/her a gift; the day where boyfriends worldwide spend big-bucks trying to impress his other half; the day where I rejected someone who likes me.

Yeap. I actually said 'no' to someone who asked me out for a dinner date on Valentine's Day. Call me mean, call me rude, call me heartless, but I'm just trying to be honest. I don't want to be giving false hope to the poor fella when I feel nothing could happen between us. Yes, this person is nice to me, drives me back from work and all that. But the timing is just not right. I can't be going out with someone when I'm still trying to get over another. Yes, there's an "another", who, very unfortunate for me, is already taken. That's just the way life is, isn't it? The best candidate is always someone else's other half.

Of course there are the endless work that just keep flowing in.

February is just too short to get anything done. It's like that one month of the year where it's just too short for you to do anything concrete. Before you know it, it's ending soon. What have you done this February?

A Jessism © 17022006

Straight Men Who Likes Gay Porn

I understand that all straight men have a fascination with lesbian porn. It's true! Two girls making out and doing whatever-two-girls-can-do-to-sexually-please-the-other-girl turn them on! What I don't understand is: WHY THE HELL WOULD A STRAIGHT MAN WATCH GAY PORN?!?

I know all you straight men out there would probably be saying: I would never do that. EVER. Yeah, right!

I recently discovered that couple of my very straight straight friends watch gay porn. Not only watch, one of the bugger even downloads them from time to time for his viewing pleasure! No, they’re NOT bisexual. They just happen to be a bunch of "straight" guys who like to watch gay porn. (Doesn't sound all that convincingly straight isn't it?)

I can understand why straight women watches gay porn: because the guys in there are cute, or maybe they have the same fantasy straight men have with lesbian porn. I can still understand lesbians who like gay porn. But straight men who likes gay porn???

Talking to a friend of mine, he caught his first exposure of gay porn when he downloaded supposedly "something kinky that involved a girl", which unfortunately (for him) turns out to be gay porn. Instead of switching it off right away, he actually watches it! When asked why he watches it, his exact reply was: "seeing someone else do the dirty ain't as bad"?? He even claimed that "it's damn interesting"?? I really don't get this at all. Straight men flinch at the thought of men kissing each other, but it's ok to watch two men having sex??

I didn't ask him to go into details, but... WHICH PART OF GAY PORN WOULD SEEM INTERESTING TO A STRAIGHT GUY??? His rationality was: "lets put it this way... (sex) between 2 humans is more natural than 1 human 1 animal..." Okay, that I have to agree.

A Jessism © 13022006

Rainy Days

It's the sixth consecutive day it's been raining here.

Nobody likes a rainy weather. Kids hate it because they can't go out. Adults hate it because those noisy monster seed of theirs are always in the house all the time. Not only that, the adults also have to ferry them anywhere and everywhere they needed to be: school, tuition classes, piano lessons, the clinic, the hospital, the emergency room, etc.

I know, kids are such a pain in the ass, aren't they?

Anyway, let's forget about them kids. As the title has it, this is not about those evil monsters. It’s about rain.

How many of you out there actually did take the time to appreciate the rain? I've always love the rain. Especially those drizzly ones... you know, those not enough to get you all wet but they’re there. Just keep falling from the sky.

When I was a kid, I always play in the rain. And of course, I get sick the day after. But it was damn well worth it! Don't believe me? Ask my cousin Irene about the time her, her brother, my brother and me, all got sick on the same day. Our parents are completely baffled by it. We were in the house the whole time. According to the doctor "(maybe) it's the flu virus". Well, maybe we sneaked out through the back door while our parents didn’t notice, played in the rain, and all got sick at the same time?

Present Day.

I still walk under the rain, and I still love rainy days. But the feeling is now completely different. When I was a kid, all I can think of is: "I wanna play in the rain." But when now, all I can think of is: "I want someone to play with in the rain."

Okay... not exactly "play with". When I walk under the rain now, I thought to myself: "how great it would be to have someone share this moment with me". Sometimes, I thought: "wouldn't it be nice if some stranger walks up and offer to share an umbrella?" It is small moments like this when you actually get to see the kindness of strangers, don't you think?

While most people do most of their "profound thinking" while taking a crap in the toilet, I prefer the rain, or even a night on the beach under the moon… okay fine, I'm a sucker for things like this. So sue me.

Tonight, as I look out from the balcony of my apartment building, I see how beautiful the raining night sky is. Lights from a nearby hotel make the drizzling rain look like thick mist. The night lights from the Singapore industrial area looking exceptionally beautiful tonight. It's another beautiful, cold, rainy night.

A Jessism © 11012006 (Originally posted on Fridae)

Peter Pan Complex

Ladies and gentlemen, it's proud for me to announce that I've got the Peter Pan Complex. I always know that I don't want to grow up and be one of those thing they call a 'responsible adult', but I never thought that I would score an 83% out of 100%.

The result came second in an advance global personality test I took, next to romantic (90%) and materialistic (90%). It's no secret that I'm materialistic, and I'm ok with being 90% romantic, but Peter Pan Complex? Really?

Wait. For those of you who has no idea what the heck Peter Pan Complex is all about, here's a somewhat detail explanation of what it is: avoids responsibilities, people tell them they are childish and need to grow up, would rather live in their head than the real world, focuses on fantasies more than reality, believes they deserve to have whatever they want, life lacks direction, never know what to do next, does dumb things frequently, inconsistent performance, lazy, slacker, does the minimum to get by, does things without thinking, does not feel they have any reason to accomplish anything, tend to ignore or put off problems, believes fun is the most important thing in life, most people think they are crazy, forgets scheduled appointments, more past than future, gets attention through negative behaviour.

Okay, I agree that sometimes that I would rather live in my own fantasy land than the real world, and I do think that fun is the most important thing in life. I mean, c’mon! Who doesn't!? But lazy? And people think that I'm crazy!?

So this is the time where I'm giving everybody a chance to talk bad about me. For those of you who are reading this, kindly post a reply and tell me which of the above Peter Pan Complex symptoms that you've seen me act out. (I bet Lin will have something to say about the "does dumb things" part, after what I told her about my weekend.)

Anything at all that you guys can think of, I'm all ears.

This should be interesting.

A Jessism © 04012006