Test Result

I know everyone's been very anxious to know about this for weeks. Since I was too busy with my magazine deadline, and with the drama that is going with my life, my hands are tied.

I got my blood test result back th day after my birthday, cause Kenny thinks that it's bad luck to get a bloody result back on the day of your birthday.

Getting the test was nerve wrecking. I think the girl behind the counter had her share of fun of making me wait for ages while she took her own sweet time to go through the computer and print out my test result. Yes, it's the wonderful world of information technology where all information are available online. I suddenly remembered "The Net" - if some crack-head hacker would want to screw up my life, all the person needs to do is just change my test result and I'd be on my way to eternal damnation.

Anyway, back to my story: The counter girl took her own sweet time to print out the test result, went back into her office to look for a folder, comes back out, and did God-knows-what for close to an hour or so... Ok, so I'm exaggerating, it ain't that long, it was probably about 5 to 10 minutes. But it sure felt like forever while I was waiting! Two hours Right after she was done with all the whatever-the-heck-she-was-doing, she came to me and told me that she's going to explain my test result for me.

Finally! My results!

Before I go on, I definitely have to share that I truly think that this girl has talent to be a game show or reality show host! If any of you out there reading this is a TV producer, and is looking for someone to host your show, look no further! Go to the BP Lab in Sea Park!

After sitting down with me, she took my application slip out and went: "This is the list of test you took. Your test is for yada, yada, bla, bla... and your payment is *bleep* *bleep*..." For a moment there, I felt like I was on a hospital version of "America's Next Top Model" with Tyra about to tell me that I fail in one of my blood test result: "You took 13 tests and today one of it, you fail. Which one is it?! We'll be back after the break." At that point, I really feel like slapping her and snatch the result over. Thank god she managed to get to the test result before I liak-kong (Translation: Go bonkers).

According to the result, I surprisingly pass all basic tests. My blood count are close to normal, mostly missing by one point where the numbers should be. My liver and kidney are functioning well, thank god! Free from all types of hepatitis, but since I don't have the antibody for it, I was advised to take the shot. And then she turned to me. With a smile, she said, "It also says here that your cholesterol level is slightly higher than normal. But don't worry, just watch what you eat."

Cholesterol level "slightly higher than normal"?? Slightly?! How can it be "slightly"?! It's either it's high or it's not, right?! And how can I not worry. I have a family history for crying out loud!

While all the OS was going on in my head, the girl went on. I didn't exactly catch what she said after that. I only heard her saying that I'm STD-free. That was a relieve! Then came the most crucial one: HIV. I know I haven't been sleeping around with different partners but with my prone to accidents and cuts everywhere I go... one wouldn't know. Like I said, the girl has a potential of being a game show host. the minute we got there, she started going all mysterious, as if I can't read the report saying that it's "Non-Reactive". She started attempting to explain to me what the heck is HIV, as if the rest of the world haven't already known, where she stuttered her way through it and blush every now and then. In the end, I couldn't stand it and told her I know what HIV is and ugred her to get on with the result.

The morale of this story? Go get your blood tested at your family clinic. Yes, it's a bit expensive, but at least you can avoid facing an annoying game-show host wannabe who stutters away while trying to tell you what's NOT wrong with you.

- jessism © 18072007 -