Lost

It's strange how being in love can change a person.

I always thought that I knew what I wanted: meet the person I love (who loves me in return), fall madly in love, get married and live happily ever after. Yes, I know it's kinda childish and things like this only occur in some Ladybird's fairy tale, but that is all that I'm asking for.

Before I came out to my friends and family, I was really worried about how they will look at me. Will I be disowned? Will I lose my friends? How will the people around look at me? But at the end of the day, I guess, you can say that I'm one of the few lucky ones who have a bunch of supportive friends and family who stood by my side.

After coming out, I thought that the hardest part is already over. Everything can be transparent now that I'm out of the closet. My parents will get to meet my boyfriend and there will be no more hiding games, no more lies, and a better life. However, I find that life ain't always what we want it to be. As much as we would like for things to work they way we want it to be. Somehow, something will come along to remind us that Life already has something laid out for us. Life always has a weird way of sneaking up on you and goes: "I don't think so!"

I used to be very impatient. I hated kids down to my very bones. I don't use chopsticks at the dinner table...

This relationship has taught me more than how to use chopsticks at the dinner table. As far as my love life is concern, it's the best that's ever happened to me. But like mentioned earlier, Life has a funny of sneaking up on us. Just when I thought that I could finally have that happily-ever-after dream of mine realize something happened; I was informed that the happily-ever-after life I wanted might not happen at all.

My world came crumbling down. I don't know what to do.

I love this person. I was this close to getting down on my knees. But right now, I really don't know what do. I'm really lost. I always thought that when it comes to a situation like this, I would have the answer for it. I always tell my friends that should a situation like this arises, one should kick the asshole goodbye and just move on. But the fact is, things are always easier said than done.

Is love really so strong that we are to forget every single discipline that applies and just go with promises? Is it really worth it to risk everything that you believe in, even happily-ever-after, for something that is uncertain just for the sake of love, even when you know that you're at a losing end?

- jessism © 18052007 -