I got out of it years ago. The thing is, I once promised myself that I would not date someone who is still in it, as I foresee the circumstances and problems that would arise. But this is Malaysia. Who's in and who's out anyway? So far, after all these years, I only met ONE (1) person who is man enough to tell his parents that he's gay. Worse, he's the only son! Did the parents disown him? No. That's besides the point. My point is, what are the odds of me finding and dating one who is not in the closet?
Dating someone who is still in, I slowly see that my speculations are not exactly speculations after all. They're all true.
Talking to a friend, who is still in the closet, I asked him why didn't he come out to his parents. The answer I got was that "it is not easy to see your parents getting hurt." But it's ok if the person is your other half?! I really don't get it. Over and over again, I felt like I was an outsider in this relationship. Since his family will never even find out that we are a couple, my existence will never be acknowledged. But that's not all, whenever it comes to choices, I will always hold the lowest of all priority. Since my parents were informed of long ago, the person I date doesn't have to go through the stress and awkwardness that I'm going through. The thing that ticks me off the most was his closeted identity seems to always be the reason for him not being able to do the simplest of things for me. (It's either that or his family.) Not only am I starting to feel that I am under-appreciated, I also felt like a mistress.
I know most gay relationships are like this. But I didn't work so hard to come out of my closet to live a life that is as though I never came out in the first place. Shouldn't the happiness between the two of us be more important than that constant living in fear?
My friend told me his solution was "to move to other city, try not to stay with family, and give thousand of excuses not to get married." So if the solution is so easy, why can't this person see it? Sigh... Why must all things be made so complicated?
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The Best Of Jessism Is Just A Mouse Click Away.
2 comments:
not everyone can facing their parents when they tell them: I'm Gay... not the one you loved and care... we cannot imagine what will they do in the next step.
I'm the only son in the family so i cannot imagine if i tell my mum then what will happen. i know the ratio will be 50:50 but i still don't know how to handle it.
emmm... now i learn how to tell my frens who m i.. i still learning... the world still cannot accept our community.
To quote a famous dead person: "There is no good or bad, thinking makes it so." It's how we perceive things to be that affect our action.
I'm not saying that coming out was easy for me. Thank god that I have a pair of understanding parents. But coming out to my friends was never easy. I was so afraid of losing them. I was worried about how they see me. Then when I came out to my cousin sister, this was what she told me: "You don't have go tell everyone about your sexual preference. If they can't accept you for who you are, it's their problem. Not yours."
As for how the world sees us, I don't really care much, just as log as I have those who really cared enough for me standing by my side.
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