Sex: Faking It

Yup. Faking "it".

Worldwide, more than 80% of women admitted to faking orgasms. In fact I have verbal confirmation from most of my female friends saying that they do fake it. Well, guess what? You're not the only one who knows how to do it! Talking to a couple of guy friends of mine, both straight and gay, I discovered that men do fake orgasm as well!

Shocking, isn't it?

I know you're probably thinking that it's easy for the 'receiving' gay men to fake it, which is true. I talked to a few of my gay friends who are at the receiving end and according to them, they do fake it most of the time in order to get their partners off. Usual excuse reasons, as like those of women, are:
1. Tired
2. My boyfriend wants it but I don't, so I fake it just to pleasure him
3. He's not really doing it right, but I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings
4. It will help boost his confidence and bring us closer together if he thinks that I am enjoying it

I'm not so sure about Excuse #3. I mean, how can someone not do "it" right? Ain't there but one way to do it? Then again, come to think of it, I think it sure hold some truth to it. Heck, I sure don't want to hear my partner telling me that he's not enjoying whatever I'm doing while we're having sex! But the main point is, women and 'receiving' gay men aren't the only ones who can fake it. Even straight men and gay men on the 'giving' side can fake orgasm. Trust me. I've done it before. =þ

How? Well, I dunno. How do you women do it? I think it's about the same. We probably do the same ooh and ahh and pray hard that you won't notice.

Why? I guess the reasons are almost the same: Tired, not wanting to offend our partner, and (or), wanting to get things over with ASAP. Now women out there are probably saying that I'm bullshitting, why would men wanted to get over with sex as soon as they could when they're a bunch of horny bastards? But I'm not making this up! These are actual words from actual straight men! If you don't believe me, go ask your boyfriend or husband! But I doubt that they'll admit it as easily as I do.

But there is a moral to this posting. Yes, for some weird twisted reason there is a moral to this twisted posting that jess wrote.

Do notice that all of us have something in common. The "tired" excuse is always there. So the way I see it, next time, don't have sex with your partner when he/she is tired. Chances are, the person might be faking it.

- jessism (c) 28092007 -

Sex: Numbers

Apart from "durability" in bed, another topic which was mentioned was "frequency".

I always thought that when TV shows mentioned that most men would just lay dead after sex is a just myth, my dear friend seemed to prove me wrong by saying that one time is already taxing enough, he would opt to not go for seconds, if possible, lest to say a third or perhaps fourth helping.

Asking for opinions from other friends, a straight friend told me one, if he has to "do heavy workout", and he'll only go for seconds if he's "lusty or crazy"; a gay friend told me that the maximum for him was three times; while a girlfriend of mine told me that her record was twice - "once guy become soft then no go". She also added that if the guy is hot, and if he is still hard, she would want more! (So guys, now you know what women wants! It's not the duration of the sessions that counts, it's the frquency!)

Bro, I hope you're reading this: One of my girlfriend even told me that her boyfriend and her went at it for SEVEN times within 24 hours!! And they did that, get this, TWICE! And you call me some weirdo on drugs?! While, another girlfriend of mine told me that her boyfriend and her actually went at it for SIX times IN ONE NIGHT! "After that we were both tired and walking funny. I don't recommend it."

What was your highest record of sex count IN ONE NIGHT? Do share.

- jessism © 26092007 -

Sex: Ejaculation

It's starting to become clear that my friends like to discuss their sexperience and their sexcapades with me. Not that I'm complaining, cos without them, I wouldn't be having anything interesting to blog about now, would I?

Anyway…

Was talking to a friend on the phone yesterday, while having a very decent conversation – in other words: Bitching About Work – we somehow ended up talking about how long a person could last in bed. (Don't ask me how we got there.) I was asked of how long generally could I last, on average, in bed… minus foreplay. The person said that the maximum average for him would be around 5 minutes.

I hesitated for awhile and gave him my answer. The minute I mentioned the estimated average, I knew that this is going to be a neverending conversation.

"Are you sure you're not on drugs? Ice? Marijuana? Viagra?! You have got to be on some sort of drug you're not telling me of," he said.

"I'm not!!! I mean, think about it! If you can only last for 5 minutes, imagine what's going to happen if you're having a threesome. How do you..."

"Wait, you had a threesome before?"

Oops...

"Oh my gawd, bro. You've changed. What happened to you?"

Erm... I discovered sex?

Oh well, that's another topic all together. Let's just keep our focus on the topic of "How Long Can A Man Last In Bed Before He Ejaculates?"

As if the topic is not interesting enough, he just has to tell me that someone we know can only last for less than 3 minutes!

.

..

...

....

.....

......

.......

........

I went into shock.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but shouldn't an average person last for at least to 10 minutes in bed, minus foreplay?! Not that I time myself or anything, but seriously... C'mon! Do tell me I'm not crazy! One could definitely last for more than 5 minutes in bed without counting in the foreplay, right? Girls, please do tell! How long can your man last in bed? Go anonymous if you have to! Just please do tell!

- jessism © 25092007 -

921: 愛的回憶

小狗再度失眠了~！

自從小老鼠來了KL後，小狗就沒再失眠了．但如大家所知，小老鼠在上個星期搬走了．

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370天前， 小狗通過了朋友認識了小老鼠．
當時小狗還被小老鼠討厭了呢！之後， 因為我們都有喜歡KENNY KWAN的共同點， 而拉進了我們的關係．

368天前， 小狗和小老鼠第一次約吃午餐． 還記得當天小老鼠是站在LEISURE MALL的一棵樹下，還穿了一身打工服，打了領帶．那天的午餐是在一間日本餐廳－九州．我們都叫了那天的SET LUNCH．午餐後，小老鼠送了一支ORAL-B CROSS ACTION牙刷給小狗．當時，小狗覺得很俗但還是收下了．

一年前的今天，和小老鼠在LEISURE MALL看戲．那晚，小狗和小老鼠KISS了！當時小狗還傻傻的問了一句：＂我們這算是開始了嗎？＂現在想起來還有夠爛的！但那晚小狗開心得睡不著～！

在那幾天後，小狗和朋友們上了金馬倫．小老鼠還自己錄了一首歌寄了給小狗來表達對小狗的思念．小狗那晚甜到～～
從金馬倫回來時，小狗買了一束玫瑰花和一個長得滿像小老鼠的鑰匙圈給小老鼠．回來的那晚，小狗得知小老鼠從未收過男友送的花．小狗還有點小得意的呢～！

2006年10月：和小老鼠過的第一個生日，小老鼠喝醉而且還吐了！

2006年12月：小狗被人陷害而失去了工作．小老鼠在那（和往後的幾個月）都好照顧小狗．一直鼓勵小狗．

2007年2月14日：小老鼠告訴小狗因家人的關係而不能和小狗過情人節．小狗好傷心．第一個情人節就這樣沒了．．．

2007年4月前段：小狗從泰國回來時，發現小老鼠不知為何對小狗態度冷漠．連小狗從泰國買回來的禮物小老鼠看也不看多一眼．回家時也沒把它拿走．心真的好疼．當時小狗也正好得了KL這分工而將離開JB，滋味真不好受．那段時期，小老鼠連看都沒來看小狗．就連小狗搬家到小狗離去的那天小老鼠電話也沒通．

2007年4月13日：雖然捨不得，但小狗還是離開了JB．那是小狗真的以為會就此失去了小老鼠．但是，奇怪的是距離反而把我們拉近了．小老鼠也在那時答應小狗儘快的找KL的工作，然後會上來陪小狗．

2007年５月：在KL的日子比小狗想像中的難熬，不是失眠，就是想念．日子過得好辛苦．

2007年6月8日：小老鼠莫名其妙的提出了分手．小狗心都碎了．那之後的幾天，小狗都沒多睡到．心情底落，好失望．
2007年6月15日：小狗和朋友上了雲頂．小老鼠那晚打了電話給小狗請求復合．說他錯了，也答應不會再讓小狗傷心和辜負小狗．

2007年7月8日：小老鼠搬上ＫＬ來了．小狗覺得是這一生最幸福的事！但小老鼠一上來，事情就變得好複雜 －
小老鼠MISS了小狗的生日．雖然小狗心裡有數當天發生的事，但還是睜一只眼閉一只眼的原諒了小老鼠．但不到幾天，大事發生了 －
小狗發現一直被身邊的人矇騙．小老鼠竟然和一個女人拍拖！騙了小狗10個多月？！小狗也在當天發現，小老鼠連情人節也是和這女人過！小狗當時好痛恨小老鼠．好想把他給殺了！
事過不久，又從友人口中聽見了小老鼠在外面高外遇，一腳踏幾船，還答應了對方會和小狗分手，等．雖然小老鼠一再否認，但小狗已存半信半疑狀態了．小狗也有了心理準備，知道小老鼠將會離去．

2007年８月：小老鼠告訴小狗他會找地方搬．小狗心好痛，但卻裝瀟灑的回了：隨你吧，但心卻苦苦的忍住眼淚．往後的日子，小狗都好珍惜和小老鼠在一起的時間，因為小狗知道別離的日子也快來臨了．

2007年9月11日：小老鼠搬走了．小狗雖然心里知道會這一天的到來，但那一天卻忍不住在公司哭了．心真得好酸．

2007年9月12日：小老鼠終於說了！＂我們還是當回普通朋友吧．＂那一晚，小狗崩潰了．在小老鼠車上哭了一大場．當時小狗腦海里浮現了種種畫面．從見到小老鼠在那樹下等著小狗的模樣，第一次接吻，收到小老鼠寄的歌，第一次聽到小老鼠為小狗改篇的歌詞．．．等．心里超痛．連話都說不出口．小狗那晚在車上哭了有整個小時吧？在小狗下車時，小狗回了一句：＂對不起，我做不到．＂

2007年9月19日：一直在朋友面前裝沒事的小狗又哭了．那晚小狗在Amcorp Mall跌樓梯，電話掉了，memory card丟了．因為小老鼠寄給小狗的歌就在那張memory card里，小狗好躁急，一直很屏命的找memory card，而小狗身邊的朋友卻擔心小狗又沒有跌傷．小狗還忍住淚水笑道：＂沒事啦！＂但心里卻好傷心 － 連剩下的回憶都沒了．．．

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今天，一年了：今天的感覺好孤單．雖然知道是不可能卻一直看著手機很希望會有小老鼠的訊息．心里一直一直好期待．．．
獨自一個人去看了一部戲劇．戲院里都充滿了笑聲，但小狗卻毫無喜感．心里在想著：你現在在那哩，和誰在一起，在做些甚麼？

真的好想拿起電話打給你，聽聽你的聲音，只要一聲HELLO也好．．．但手變得好重，連要按下號碼的力也沒有．

回家的路上，把原本要送你的禮物丟了．一直說服催眠自己說是一重了結的方式．但回到家里，忽然間覺得房間好空，又想起和你的點點滴滴，結果又哭了．．．想起了你躺在床上睡覺的樣子，但卻記不起你身上的味道，心好酸痛，而眼淚一直很不爭氣的不停在掉．．．

- 小狗日記 © 21092007-0550H -

Dreams

Came across an interesting phrase in last week's chapter of "xXxHolic".

"如果都是夢的話, 我該怎麼辦? 相逢和相遇如果都是夢...會悲傷嗎?"
(Translation: What should I do if all is but a dream? If all encounters in life are all just apart of the dream, would you be sad?")

I know there is a saying that says life is but a dream, but you be disappointed if everything really is but a dream? The one you love, the people you cared for, the memories of you and everyone you knew… everything.

Yes, it would be great if all the bad things that happened to us can just be forgotten like a bad dream, but with the recent events that has been going on in my life, I'm not sure if I wanted things to be as though a bad dream that I would forget after I wake… or should I had it be a real life experience that I live through and remember for the rest of my life?

"夢有兩種...醒著的夢和睡著的夢. 不管是那一種, 只要堅定的祈禱就可以變成現實.你所經歷過的那些真實會讓你變得堅強, 而只要用這份堅強來不停的許愿夢就會成真."
(Translation: There are two types of dreams: The dreams you have when you're awake and the dreams you have when you sleep. All that you have experienced will make you stronger. With determination, either dream will become a reality.)

I guess what makes us us is our determination to achieve our dreams and to live the life we wanted. It's our dreams that keeps us going. More like day and night, one could not have existed if it weren't for the other.

- a jessism © 19092007 -

Parents

If you wanna know where I get my craziness from, you should definitely meet my family parents.

A visit home is just marked as a beginning when your parents pick you up from whether that you're stopping at. Be it the airport, train station, or even bus terminal, the routine parental remarks would usually be:
            a. How was the trip?
            b. You look tired.
            c. Go get some rest.
Mine was more like: How was the trip, I bet it was tiring. You look tired, didn't you sleep on the bus? You need to go get some rest when we get home.

Mothers. I really can't tell whether they are a blessing from God or the Chef From Hell sent by the Devil to punish us for all the stuff turkeys we ate. It seems as though all moms are programmed to stuff their kids like turkeys whenever they go home for a visit. On the morning I got home, I discovered that my mom had made a fridge filled with soya bean jelly for me, which is great~! Who doesn't like dessert, right? But when I found out what she prepared for lunch, I almost faint. Mom bought me curry noodle from my favorite stall, cooked some of my favorite dishes, boiled a pot of herbal soup, and on top of that, she cooked both porridge AND rice! All that for just ONE meal! Mom, I love you, but don't you think that's a little bit far too much for your skinny son?

After lunch, I decided to go have a look around the house.

A pile of overgrown weed? Look closely. It's a bunch of mint my mom grew that has now occupied almost a quarter of our backyard! When I talked to my mom about it, her exact reaction was: "Aren't they beautiful?" Yeah, if they were bunch of flowers or maybe if we are the supplier for Wrigley’s Spearmint!

Walking into our garden, I noticed that the rambutan tree that was there since I was a kid is missing. When I asked mom why the rambutan tree was chopped, she told me that the tree is too old and is growing out of hand, so it had to go before it collapses on to the house. Then she proceed to add, "Did you see the longan tree I planted to replace it?" Right, so a rambutan tree can collapse onto our house but a longan tree can't??

Apart from just chopping down the tree, Mom and Dad seem to think that it's a great idea to dig the roots out as well. Which is ok by me, but what happens after is that they left a hole big enough to be a swimming drowning pool. When I asked my Dad about the hole, he told me that he's making a kid-size swimming pool for mom?! (Talk about crazy parents!)

jessism © 17092007

DH4

Come September 30th.

It's going to be juicier than ever.

More dirty laundries are going to be aired.

And it really is going to be a hell of a day in the neighborhood.

Are you ready?

"Desperate Housewives: Season 4" Premiering September 30th.

Inevitable

The inevitable has happened: Kenny moved out yesterday.

It's strange how things might sometimes turn out. I am the kind of person who does not like to have a roommate. You can call me selfish, weird or even obsessive compulsive, whatever-it-is, I just can't stand sharing the same room with another person. I don't like to be rushed and when in the washroom: be it bathing or "making a deposit". I don't like other people touching my things. I don't like having the idea that people might actually go through my things when I am not around. I don't like people sitting on my bed. I don't like people touching anything at all that is on my bed (cause they might leave their stench and then I would be forced to change my sheets). I want my stuff to stay mine and I just don't want anybody to go near it.

The strange thing is: I am starting to get use to having Kenny around so much, that now that he's moving, I really feel very reluctant. I know at some point the kid will be moving out but I guess one could never be prepared for this kind of stuff, or can they? I can't help but to think about how different things would be if we were still living together.

Sigh... I guess it's time to move on now. It's the beginning of a new chapter in his life, I guess, so should it mark mine as well. As "they" (whoever "they" may be) say: "The end is the beginning is the end..."

- jessism © 12.09.2007 -

Maybank

I never liked them. They provide the worse service in town, charge you for every single little thing you need done, charge you for putting your money in their bank, and with all the money collected from all the charges they impose on you, they use it to hire the worse staff with the worse attitude available in Malaysia to serve you. It's one of the most money-sucking bank in Malaysia.

I was forced to open an account with them a few years back when I joined Cathay. The branch that I was asked to go to was the one in Burma Road. When I opened the account, the girl over the counter told me that their new accounts are all passbookless, and gave me just an ATM card. I was really very skeptic about all this. When I asked the girl how would I know about my balance and statement, she told me that I could print it over the ATM.

After I stop working for Cathay and moved to JB, my (then) new company also transfer our pay through Maybank. Leaving me no choice but to keep the account open. (I would've closed the acccount if it weren't for them.)

Having the need for literally NO human contact at all (with any Maybank staff) throughout the two years, I began to find that it ain't that bad after all... until recently.

Somehow, my bank card died on me over the weekend. For some strange reason, I could not access my account at all. After two years, I finally need to talk to a Maybank staff! -*gasp*-

Going to the branch in Old Klang Road yesterday, which I frequent to get my dealings with the ATM done, I spoke to a helping and nice lady over the counter. I thought to myself: "wow, their service has improved!" The lady over the counter - sorry I can't remember her name - was shocked to find that I do not have any bank account number written on my ATM card and it was signed. In a very polite way, she told asked me which branch was the card obtained fom and she then excused herself to speak to someone who is in charge - An older lady.

The older lady freaked out the moment she saw that the card doesn't carry any signature! She began to question me if I was the rightful owner of the card and why did I not sign on the card. She also asked me for the 16-digit bank account number which only a genius would be able to memorize and expect me to read it out to her. Since I can't pull the string of numbers out, she wanted me to go to the ATM and demonstrate to her what I did that the ATM machine rejected my card. As if I was some nut job who doesn't know how to use the ATM! It was after the machine rejected my card again that she asked for my IC and helped me check on what was wrong with the card! Why the fuck can't she jsut help me check it in the first place instead of wasting my time in there?! Is this Maybank's idiotic office policy?! To make fun of the customer and waste more of their precious time before helping them with whatever they needed to get done?! In case you whackos at Maybank don't remember, WE pay your salary! If WE don't put money in your bank, YOU wouldn't have a job now!

After checking, she told me that I've entered my PIN wrong three times and the card has now been barred. Erm.. EXCUSE ME?! I've been using the same PIN number for two years, how can it be wrong?! The best part was, she told me that since I am from Penang, they are not able to help me replace the card unless I go back to the branch where I had the account with. When I told her that the account is in Penang, she went: "Oh... Then why don't you get it replaced when you go back to Penang?" EXCUSE ME?!

Seeing that I was almost about to scream and shout at the old lady, the counter girl suggested to me that I can do whatever withdrawal I needed over the counter and gave me a form and a number.

When it came to my turn, pretending that I didn't know what was wrong with my card, I asked the teller to help me check what was wrong it. She told me that my card has been barred for keying in the wrong pin number. When I told her that it was the right key number all along, she told me that I can get the card replaced just by filling up a form which I can easily get from the counter downstairs.

Okay.. first I was told that I cannot get my card replaced in KL, now I have a teller over the counter telling me that I can get my card replaced?! What the fuck is going on?! Oh, did I mentioned that I was charged RM0.50 for me over-the-counter withdrawal. (First I let them keep my money and now they're charging me for taking it out?!)

Going down to the nice counter lady, I told her that I wanted a form for a replacement card. While passing me the form, she told me that since my card is issued outstation, it might take a very long while before they can verify all information and give me a replacement card. I told her that it's ok, and she told me to go to another counter when I was done filling the form up.

When I got to the counter, I was greeted by a Malay female staff that hissed at me: "Apa mau?!" (Translation: What you want?!) When she saw the form I passed to her, she asked me which branch was I from and I told her, Penang. Suddenly she went: "Sini tak boleh buat. Siapa panggil you mai sini?" (Translation: It cannot be done here, who ask you to come here?) When I told her a teller from upstairs said that it can be done here and asked me to filled up a form, she just kept quiet.

I later learned that apparently, for them to "help" someone from outstation to do this would take up a lot of time and follow-up. In order to NOT get involve in such acts, they tell the person that it cannot be done, so that the person would go bug the bank that they are from.

The moral of this story? NEVER EVER open an account with Maybank. They have rude and unhelpful staff. They charge you for everything. If you're looking for the worse bank in town, this is the one that just MAY fuck you up. (If you haven’t heard of them, their logo is as shown below.)

(Conclusion: Jess did not get his card replaced as the Malay Female Staff told me that it cannot be done. Fuck this fucked up establishment! I'm going to close my account when I go back to Penang!)

- jessism © 05092007 -

Long Weekend

August was a crazy month: Busy work schedule. Fucked up designer messing up the magazine. Nosy people who can't seem to mind their own business came poking around. Disrespectful people crack distasteful jokes and think that it's funny when no one's laughing. People who have mental issues sent me mental notes and notices about how they hated me. (And one would think that only celebrities gets hate mails? Not that I don't mind learning more about my fans' life - should I be calling them "fans"? - but I got better things to worry about, like my own life, for instance.)

Despite all the craziness, I got a much needed break thanks to Tunku Abdul Rahman – a 3-day long weekend.

Left KL early Friday morning to Johore with Myels, Benzamine, and Kenny. While the three went back to their parents', I tagged along and took the opportunity to visit the 60-year-old landlady I stayed with when I was working in JB. After sending Ben and Kenny back, when Myels dropped me at Aunty's place, it was already 2pm. Knowing that I will be staying over, Aunty insisted on cooking me dinner, which include my favorite curry chicken. (Yummmy~!)

Went out for karaoke with Ben, Oz, Kenny, and Greg on Saturday morning before heading over to Singapore to hunt for a new phone. Yeah, time for the old phone to retire to a less hectic user - ie: my mom. I was almost forced into buying an obsolete phone while browsing through phone shops in Lucky Plaza. The sales person insisted that I buy the phone he was recommending to me, it was at that time when I got a text message from David which gave me an idea for a getaway lie! Phew~!

Meeting up with David at Orchard MRT, he accompanied me to Far East to check out more phone prices before I finally decided on buying. Yes, jess has got a new phone now! Sony Ericsson T650i~!! Now I can do video call! Yipee~!!!

We met up with Tom not long after that and decided to go have dinner at Wisma Atria. Just right after we ordered and as I was about to start eating, I got a text message from Kenny saying that his mother had cooked dinner for me and wanted me to go over the minute I got back from Singapore. (Uh-oh... this can't be good! Ex-mother-in-law inviting me over for dinner and I miss it?!) I tried my best to finish my bowl of noodle soup the fastest I could and took off half way during dinner to rush back to JB.

As we are supposed to depart early Sunday morning from JB back to KL, I was to arrange the itinerary for the following day so that our travel plans don't get screwed up. I was to go have dinner at Kenny's place after I reached JB, spend the night at his place, Greg would drive me and Kenny to Aunty's place the next day, then Myels can pick the both of us up from there.

When I reached Aunty's place and told that we will be leaving after lunch, Aunty insisted that we have lunch with her the next day before leaving.
Although I called Aunty early Sunday morning that I will be reaching her place after 1pm and asked for her to have lunch first, when Greg got us got there around 12.30pm, Aunty told Kenny that she was waiting for us so that we could all have lunch together! (Damn touched!) Went we got into the kitchen, I could smell the sweet smell of tom yam! She cooked us Tom Yam Chicken!! Yay!!! The best part was, she even made Kenny's favourite ABC soup! (Haha... Thank you, Aunty! Thank you so very much!!!)

Thanks to Tunku Abdul Rahman, we managed to get this 3-day long weekend break.

Thanks to Tunku Abdul Rahman, I managed to get a much deserved break away from my crazy workplace.

Thanks to Tunku Abdul Rahman Aunty, Kenny, Greg and I, were able to enjoy a delicious lunch!

It was definitely the best weekend I've had all month!

- jessism © 03092007 -